Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-15-2019, 07:26 PM
Trash Trash is offline
New Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 1
Default Hi from Sunderland

Hi, I’m Trash. I’m a 30 year old trans man. You might know me from AndyRM’s posts. If not, here’s my story.

I’ve been in a mono relationship for 11 years, married for 3 of them. And last year I had an affair with someone I fell in love with. My wife knows about this. She knows who he is and what happened. I went about it all the wrong way, but I told her my hopes were to have a poly relationship. She is not down with it.

And I understand entirely. I have betrayed her trust. Problem is she not only want me to not have a relationship with this guy but she wants me to remain mono. Which is a struggle because I’m in love with him, and I don’t know how to let that go.

That’s me.

Last edited by Trash; 03-15-2019 at 07:35 PM. Reason: Sense
Reply With Quote
Old 03-15-2019, 10:13 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
Official Greeter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 17,725

Greetings Trash,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I reviewed AndyRM's other thread, thanks for pointing it out. It sounds like you are kind of between a rock and a hard place, you love your wife, but you also love Andy and do not want to give him up. You don't know what to do.

I don't want to say that you have to choose, Andy or your wife, that you can't have both, but honestly that does seem to be your situation. I guess you could start seeing Andy in secret, but I don't think that would go very well. I guess my advice is, put your relationship with Andy on hold until you can decide whether you want to stay married to your wife. If you do want to stay married, then, break up with Andy permanently. It saddens me to have to say that, but I don't see any other options here.

I guess there is one other option; that is, put Andy on hold while you try to convince your wife to accept Andy and accept poly. This could take up to a year or longer, for her to come around, and I have my doubts that she'll ever come around. But it's possible that her current stance could change, if she had enough time to recover from the shock of the affair.

I feel bad that I do not have any easy solutions for you, it is just a difficult, complicated situation. I hope, of course, that you and Andy can both save your marriages without having to sacrifice each other. I'm sorry that a hope is all I can offer.

Kevin T., "official greeter"


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:21 AM.