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Old 07-07-2015, 04:02 PM
slambamboo slambamboo is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 6
Default A Journey Within

Ive decided to start a blog about my current situation and my coming to realization of who I am and how I finally arrived here! I am so very lucky to have a husband that supports me and understands that all I want to do is love. Simple as that, but at the same time, maybe not as simple considering the things that need to be done to get to the point where I would like things to be.

I guess I should start off with the the basics.

Hi, my name is R(and yes I am using a single initial with most names because most of the people in my life require privacy.) I am a 27 year old, bisexual female, mother of 3 who just recently moved to Texas with my husband and child. I am pretty out of the box, so to speak. I love most things nerdy, supernatural, strange, unknown and not so mainstream. I love having my face in a book, cooking and baking, making things, and other activities that can keep my mind busy. Im an avid thinker to the point where my mind is rarely quiet, which also means I worry, too much! I love to write fanfiction, slash fiction to be exact, hehehe.

My husband is a 30 year old hetero male who definitely has quirks. Hes a sweet man who loves to be humorous. He loves to play video games and is a great researcher of many things. He's a bit of a homebody and would rather relax in his comfy chair then sweat outside in the humidity. We've been married for 5 years just about and we have one son together. We have been traditional together in a monogamous marriage up until very recently when I confessed to him my feelings...

Which brings me to my girlfriend, J. I met her online about 2 years ago through a group on FB. What started off as a close friendship turned into a romantic relationship within months. We connected and formed a bond through similar interests and feelings. Although we have both said we have a friendship first and foremost, we are also partners. The only problem with this was that my husband did not know about my relationship with her for about a year, which I feel immense guilt and sadness for. I wish I could have been more open with him but at the time I felt that was not an easy thing to do. I also didnt realize that I was in the middle of an internal battle with myself. I havent been comfortable with myself and my thoughts and feelings for a very long time. I also didnt know where my place was in this world and what I really wanted from life, or maybe just how it all fits into place. Im still working on that. I kept telling myself it was wrong for me to feel what I felt for J because I was already a married and time and time again I tried to push these feelings aside and try to end things with J. But each time I would come back to her. I couldnt help it. Thats exactly what it felt like. This woman was very kind and beautiful to me and I wanted to be around her. It wasnt the feelings that were wrong, it was that I stopped talking to my husband and kept it from him. So finally, I told him everything. It was very difficult, but he deserved the honest truth from me. At first, he was very hurt. It took 2 full days of talking and whirling emotions to get to a place of understanding with it. He fully accepts that I love him very much and I also love her and that it was never an option to leave him for her. I want to love them both. Husband is my primary and J is my secondary, and hes fine with that. What he is still struggling with is the betrayal I caused with him about it. We are still working on that. But as of now, hes happy that I have found such a crucial part of who I am. Im happy that I am being open and honest with him and this has made us closer.
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Old 07-09-2015, 01:20 AM
slambamboo slambamboo is offline
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 6

Not such a good day today. J and I couldnt seem to agree on some things and my feelings were hurt. I felt like shes been keeping things in and it all just came out of her today. I know..communication is key, and Ive been trying to keep it going too but she says things have just been serious alot lately and she wishes things could be a little bit more relaxed now. I feel like maybe I have so many thoughts and feelings inside of me that I bog her down with it? Im not sure but I need to really process through some things...

Hubby and I are doing just fine though. Just a normal week for us. Tomorrow he is coming home early to watch the kids so I can head up to the college to sign up for my courses. Besides that, not too much else is going on..
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