Poly, Voyeurism and Porn

What are your views on porn?

  • I think that some porn is good and I watch some.

    Votes: 19 70.4%
  • I think that some porn is alright

    Votes: 4 14.8%
  • I think that porn is bad, but like an addict, I can't help watching some.

    Votes: 1 3.7%
  • I think that porn is bad and don't go near the stuff

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Other (please specify in replies to thread)

    Votes: 3 11.1%

  • Total voters
    27
I think even though I like watching it, porn in general is created within a framework of majority -isms and -supremacies. Porn enables and reinforces them, even if the porn in question isn't mainstream porn.

-isms affected:

sexism (attitudes around unconsensual dominance / submissiveness: boy dominates, girl submits. A MUST for them to do)
racism (only shows white people)
heterosexism (either only shows straight people, or copies what straight people do)

-supremacies affected:

male supremacy (shows male attitudes that entirely dominate the scene of porn, e.g. kissing just being 'foreplay')
cis supremacy (not very many trans* in porn)

I think there's a lot of bad things in a fair amount of porn, but that there's also some good porn and we have to help that good porn grow, laugh :)
 
I'm more for user submitted videos than porn, produced movies look like people having bad sex to me.

Almost always, I agree with this; if there isn't some spontaneity in what's going in, I pretty much can't get into it. That said, as long as there's some spontaneity, I'm ok with one or both parties getting paid to do their thing...

What's interesting is how people are now mimicking porn in their own sex which is a bit of a worry.

Nods... well, I think the main problem here is if the only sex educator is porn... you get what you pay for type thing; our sex ed is still woefully lacking -.-

No question there is a lot of exploitation and generally unattractive things about the whole industry but I think this is a product of societies repressive attitude towards sex rather than anything inherently wrong with porn. You'd have to think the explosion of porn will make sex a bit less taboo and hopefully this will feed back into the kind of porn that gets produced.

Agreed.

Hopefully if people lose some of their hangups about sex, they might lose some of their hangups about sexual exclusivity as well...

Aye :). Porn and webcam sites may become (or perhaps already is to some extent) a gateway to thinking outside the box when it comes to relationship models.
 
I don't really agree that consent has to be obvious in the film itself. Some BDSM play and such doesn't have visual consent during the act - it is pre-discussed. So, films portraying that sort of interaction would want to have a true feel to it.

Yeah.. I'm not not a fan of BDSM, lol :). Reluctance is as far as I go :p.

What about rape fantasies? Making a porn that portrays a fake rape isn't actually rape. It's someone agreeing to act like he/she is being violated while actually engaging in a consensual sex act for the camera.

I have no desire to watch either of those kinds of porn, but I don't have a problem with them being made and put out there for people who enjoy watching that kind of stuff.

Well, to me this is a thorn issue; put rather simply; why would people get off on this? I've talked to some people (men and women) who believe that something may not be quite right in their sexual desires and no one has yet persuaded me that this can't be the case...

Oh, and the Pirates ones I mentioned earlier -

Pirates XXX and Pirates II: Stagnetti's Revenge are fairly well-made films - they actually released versions that were rated R by taking out the sex scenes. Not a movie I'd watch just because (I mean, porn actors aren't really known for their ability to act in non-sexual scenes), but good.

Thanks, think I'll go take a look at those links :)
 
Definitely. Ofcourse now I want to know what you'd categorize as soft and what you'd categorize as hard, laugh :). But I understand that may be a tad too personal ;-).

It changes over time. For instance that answer for me as a teen was a different answer for me in my late 30s. And though in late 20's before and after the experience of pregnancy it got to similar places, WHILE actually pregnant and later nursing that changed the spectrum analysis for me.

DH and I look back fondly at how weird preggo sex was -- it seemed to be all about slow motion and liberal application of pillows everywhere. LOL.

I don't see a big change in 40's but I'm sure my 50's, 60's and 70's will yield other perspectives on that spectrum too. Bodies change, age, and as people our tastes also change, age, evolve. etc.

The softest eros/erotic is probably a touch on the hand in a loverly way. Even a 12 year old can manage that -- and hand holding is often among the first expressions of one to another that is NOT your family. Vaginal or anal fisting is going to be in another place on the spectrum, no?

Touching your lover with a feather or end of a scarf over the eyes gently is on the softer end of tactile play than whips and chains, right?

It's all spectrum.

And it also changes with the partner in question. For instance, with DH? After twenty years together? I go into all kinds of corners of his/my eros. Light or dark. It's all good. But I don't kiss and tell. Too often anyway. HA! ;D

I would not be so keen to go all over the map with a brand new lover -- some things can only come with time clocked. Clock the time, then we'll see. Build up along the journey, build deeper connection, trust, then we'll see where it goes on THAT relationship's spectrum. Everyone has their preferences.

I am disturbed by some friends in their early 20s who seem to have the strangest view of sex... like they're supposed to be porn stars or something and when they come to find they are NOT, feel inadequate. Sex ed needs to happen for these young people HARDER than ever because they go looking up all kinds of crazy online. More parents and churches need to get on board with that like with Our Whole Lives curricula. They are leaving the kids out in the cold and without clear critical thinking of the erotic materials (soft or hard) that they access.

JMHO.

Lol :). It seems from what you're saying that you are therefore.. lesbian?

Bi, married to stray man, closed at this time. :)

Had a look there.. didn't really see a list of movies to see.. probably just couldn't find the right link there.

That explains what feminist porn awards ARE. For shopping list, you scoot over to the movies and there's a subcategory for the past award winning titles.

http://goodforher.com/catalog/adultdvds/erotic/good_her_feminist_porn_award_winners

No, do not see it too often in porn -- cast/crew commentary. Would elevate it a bit if it DID. But there are some few here and there that try.

GG
 
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Let's see, a few thoughts on the thread:

The only porn star whose name I know is Buck Angel (I know of him from reading about him in Dan Savage's column, but I haven't watched his stuff because I'm very penis-oriented).

I don't think lack of consent is a problem. I think people have these fantasies, and it's good to have a safe outlet for them. Roleplaying is another outlet, but it does require a certain amount of trust, and a partner with similar fantasies or willing to play along. Lack of consent sometimes can be kind of a turn on for me, because of the idea that the other person is so attracted that they can't resist. However, in concept I don't like it so much, so I prefer...

...Incest stories. More specifically, between siblings. Now, incest itself doesn't appeal to me, either, I have no interest in roleplaying anything like that for instance. But in stories, written stories more specifically, this kind of taboo allows for consenting characters to still have a strong obligation not to have sex... and then see their attraction to each other beat that. To me, it's very erotic, the idea that someone would be so turned on that their human brains stops working for a bit, they forget about consequences, and they can't stay off each other.
I also like other similar scenarios, for instance a student seducing a teacher. But I prefer siblings, or cheating stories for instance, because the partners are on the same level this way, rather than one having power over the other.
The parts I prefer are when one person seduces the other, especially knowingly. A little bit of accidental seducing is fine (you put on your swimming outfit, other person can't help but be aroused and tries to hide it), but it's when it's done on purpose, teasing and playing, that I find it hottest.

So to me, porn often doesn't reflect things that are doable or that I'd even want to do if they were doable.

I usually don't find that porn is better than nothing... Well, it depends what you means, really. Most days I masturbate to my own self-made porn, with people I know and am attracted to, in situations I would actually want to happen. These are more fulfilling on an emotional level while just as pleasurable.
Porn is for when I'm aroused but not for anyone in particular, and that happens to me much less often.
 
Well, there is the perspective that porn perpetuates the objectification of people for sexual gratification, whereas adult toys actually ARE objects, so no harm done. I don't necessarily agree with that perspective, but views on the two subjects aren't necessarily similar. :)

Yes, but many choose to be objectify themselves. Some even enjoy it. So when that is the case, in the end pornography is just another sex toy.

:) I say as respectfully as I can because I am not an argumentitive type person lol.
 
I think the problem is only non-consensual objectification, and that consensual objectification is fine, and a lot of fun. I don't know how much watching porn with consensual (for the actors) objectification leads to objectifying (without consent) your sexual partners, but I don't think the blame should be put on the porn, which is a tool.
I believe it's possible to use sex toys and then expect similar things in sex, using the other person's body for your gratification without caring about theirs. So I don't believe the problem is specific to porn, I think it's specific to disrespectful, uncaring partners.
 
Definitely. Ofcourse now I want to know what you'd categorize as soft and what you'd categorize as hard, laugh :). But I understand that may be a tad too personal ;-).

It changes over time. For instance that answer for me as a teen was a different answer for me in my late 30s. And though in late 20's before and after the experience of pregnancy, WHILE actually pregnant and later nursing that changed the spectrum analysis for me.

DH and I look back fondly at how weird preggo sex was -- it seemed to be all about slow motion and liberal application of pillows everywhere. LOL.

Lol :). That's so cool to know though; I wasn't really sure what happened while pregnant, other then that sex was still possible; now I know -.-

I don't see a big change in 40's but I'm sure my 50's, 60's and 70's will yield other perspectives on that spectrum too. Bodies change, age, and as people our tastes also change, age, evolve. etc.

Nods.

The softest eros/erotic is probably a touch on the hand in a loverly way. Even a 12 year old can manage that -- and hand holding is often among the first expressions of one to another that is NOT your family. Vaginal or anal fisting is going to be in another place on the spectrum, no?

Definitely, laugh :). Will be back, gotta do something, lol :)
 
Lol :). That's so cool to know though; I wasn't really sure what happened while pregnant, other then that sex was still possible; now I know -.-

Well, pretty much everything that happens normally. But going slow to check in more often and having lots of support pillows is an added bonus. And that's not all. Later in pregnancy, the Peanut would wake up and COMPLAIN that mom is having an orgasm. Stretch out, kick whatever. It was amusing to think about what that must be like : Minding your own business taking a snooze in the cozy dark and then your whole world being all shook up! Later breastmilk spraying when extremely aroused or orgasms happened -- that was interesting.

Oh, so much fun! A different kind of intimacy with a lover while pregnant. Cada epoca tiene su encanto -- Every epoch (or stage or season) has its enchantments (or charms.)

There's a line of pregnant porn out there somewhere -- for some people that's a thing.

Not a thing of mine, but I did enjoy being pregnant and that stage of life. There really is nothing new under the sun. People are people, and where there's people sooner or later there's sex and it's many expressions.


GG
 
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I'll start by saying I am 57 years old and have seen old school porn, as in old Playboy magazines, up to today's stuff all over the net.

I've always had a really good imagination and I prefer that to porn for masturbation. My sister and I used to sneak peeks at my dad's badly hidden Playboys back in our preteen years. I think maybe that is where my bisexual nature started, since women are the sexual bodies depicted in the magazines.

I've never needed porn to get off, as I've pretty much always had a willing, horny sexual partner around since I got started at age 16.

Then, when the net started offering porn, I had young children and no time or privacy to peruse porn.

However, when my husband and I separated in '08, I had time to start looking at net porn. However, I preferred clothed or semi-clothed still photos of my 2 favorite movie stars (Eddie Izzard and Johnny Depp) to videos of "strangers."

When I met my gf in early '09, I found she had a big collection of video porn. We'd watch it together sometimes. I liked the BDSM stuff the best. On my own I also found I preferred BDSM porn. Straight vanilla porn is boring to me, usually. I like good porn with transwomen in it, but not the fake "shemale" stuff. That's just sad.

I enjoy looking at Fetlife still photos now and then (havent bothered this year tho). I do like looking at big cocks, and money shots. I like some bukakke porn as well. Female jizz as well as male. I also enjoy pee play porn.

I don't need a plotline in porn videos. My own sexual fantasies have plots I tailor just for myself. :)

And to respond to rape porn/fantasies: I do enjoy that. The difference is, one controls the "rape" scenario. One can be the rapist or the rapee. Real rape involves kidnapping and threat of injury or death... that would be horrible. (I've been sexually assaulted twice, and my daughter has been once, and it's the complete opposite to a turn-on, just horrible, extremely disempowering and life changing, in a bad way.)

However, now that I have 2 loving partners who are so sexually satisfying, I find I have no desire to look at porn, still photos on FL, or celeb photos. I am either actually having sex with them, or fantasizing about things I've done with them (or with one other past lover who was amazing in the sack), or imagining trying with them, and that's better than the best 2D stuff out there!
 
I think the problem is only non-consensual objectification, and that consensual objectification is fine, and a lot of fun. I don't know how much watching porn with consensual (for the actors) objectification leads to objectifying (without consent) your sexual partners, but I don't think the blame should be put on the porn, which is a tool.
I believe it's possible to use sex toys and then expect similar things in sex, using the other person's body for your gratification without caring about theirs. So I don't believe the problem is specific to porn, I think it's specific to disrespectful, uncaring partners.

I do agree with that. It is a persons responsiblity to act appropriately themselves.

Sometimes I allow myself to be objectified by my husband, but he knows it is a gift to fulfill his desires. Making him happy is something I WANT and CHOOSE to do. He does not ask for it, but graciously accepts when it is offered.

I actually very often allow him to use me for his pleasure. It brings me a different kind of pleasure. And sometimes I get off anyway too, because seeng his enjoyment heightens mine.

Tonight is a perfect example. I am not particularly in the mood, but he is. I promised an oral favor when he gets home, and he is simply delighted with himself. I will probably even put on my sexy lingerie, and serve him a glass of wine when it's all finished. I enjoy pleasing him in this way.
 
I've never needed porn to get off, as I've pretty much always had a willing, horny sexual partner around since I got started at age 16.

This sentence interests me the most. First because, partner or no partner, to me masturbating is completely different from partnered sex. No amount of sex, short of leaving me too tired or with no time left, would make me stop masturbating. It's just a different thing to me.
Secondly because 16 seems old to me. I mean it's young for a first time (mine was at age 19) but I started masturbating when I was 10 and I can't imagine having no orgasms until I was 16.
And finally because it seems to me it's not porn-or-partner, masturbating without porn is also an option. You might not need porn to get off and have zero partner.

So it was pretty interesting for me to read this sentence. It seems to show different experiences for the two of us (or a misunderstanding on my part, I guess).
 
This sentence interests me the most. First because, partner or no partner, to me masturbating is completely different from partnered sex. No amount of sex, short of leaving me too tired or with no time left, would make me stop masturbating. It's just a different thing to me.
.

You've said this before and it still amazes me. I don't like masturbating that much. I mean, I do it, but it seems purely functional to me - relieving biological sexual needs. It doesn't give me intimacy, it doesn't give me the pleasure and joy of seeing someone else's pleasure, all it gives me is basic sexual release.

I'm also in the camp that only really watches porn when I'm already turned-on. Or sometimes friends and I used to watch some of the REALLY bad plot line stuff to make fun of it. Unless I'm in a sexual situation IRL, video porn doesn't do anything for me except provide entertainment - no turn-on power in itself.

Now, I will READ porn anytime. Well, anytime that I don't mind getting incredibly horny. I've always found words more enjoyable that videos/pictures, though, so I'm not surprised at all that I relate better to written porn. I find it more effective to imagine myself involved when I am reading it than watching other people doing things.
 
This sentence interests me the most. First because, partner or no partner, to me masturbating is completely different from partnered sex. No amount of sex, short of leaving me too tired or with no time left, would make me stop masturbating. It's just a different thing to me.

Oh, no, you didn't read my post well. I do masturbate, a lot. I don't live with either partner, so I jill off on the days I am alone. I also jill when my gf isn't in the mood when we are together. I even jill off sometimes right after partnered sex, even if I've cum a dozen, or 2 dozen times. I'm one of the horniest people I've ever met! hehe I got hornier the older I got, much more horny since I've stopped cycling.

One big reason for me being poly is, no one partner can keep up with my sex drive.

All I meant to say was, I prefer my own fantasies to porn or erotica.


Secondly because 16 seems old to me. I mean it's young for a first time (mine was at age 19) but I started masturbating when I was 10 and I can't imagine having no orgasms until I was 16.

Yep, it's true! I didn't become orgasmic til age 16, and didn't actually masturbate until after I'd already had several bfs I'd pet with, and one bf that I had intercourse and orgasms with. Late bloomer! But, I've sure made up for lost time since.

I recall makeout sessions with one bf when I was 15. He'd finger me for an hour or 2, kissing, breast play, and I'd get a warm feeling, but no contractions, no orgasm.

Now I can cum even without clitoral, vaginal, or even breast stimulation. I can cum from giving oral, or being spanked on the butt, or giving a partner a beating, or sometimes just from having a hand or arm stroked.:p I've even cum just from being ordered to cum, fully clothed, in a restaurant.

...a misunderstanding on my part, I guess).

Yep! I should add, I am an artist, and starting back around age 11 thru my 20s, I used to draw my own porn as well. It was stimulating from age 11-16 to draw my erotic pictures, but didn't cause me to want to masturbate.
 
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Touching your lover with a feather or end of a scarf over the eyes gently is on the softer end of tactile play than whips and chains, right?

It's all spectrum.

True...

And it also changes with the partner in question. For instance, with DH? After twenty years together? I go into all kinds of corners of his/my eros. Light or dark. It's all good. But I don't kiss and tell. Too often anyway. HA! ;D

Lol ok :)

I would not be so keen to go all over the map with a brand new lover -- some things can only come with time clocked. Clock the time, then we'll see. Build up along the journey, build deeper connection, trust, then we'll see where it goes on THAT relationship's spectrum. Everyone has their preferences.

True.

I am disturbed by some friends in their early 20s who seem to have the strangest view of sex... like they're supposed to be porn stars or something and when they come to find they are NOT, feel inadequate.

Yeah, I definitely don't think that's good. Would be interested in knowing exactly what it is that pornstars have that they don't have (well toned body or something?).

Sex ed needs to happen for these young people HARDER than ever because they go looking up all kinds of crazy online.

Yeah.

More parents and churches need to get on board with that like with Our Whole Lives curricula.

Yeah, those unitarians seem to be pretty good.

They are leaving the kids out in the cold and without clear critical thinking of the erotic materials (soft or hard) that they access.

JMHO.

Aye.

Lol :). It seems from what you're saying that you are therefore.. lesbian?

Bi, married to stray man, closed at this time. :)

Ok :)

Had a look there.. didn't really see a list of movies to see.. probably just couldn't find the right link there.

That explains what feminist porn awards ARE. For shopping list, you scoot over to the movies and there's a subcategory for the past award winning titles.

http://goodforher.com/catalog/adultdvds/erotic/good_her_feminist_porn_award_winners

Ah k thanks.

No, do not see it too often in porn -- cast/crew commentary. Would elevate it a bit if it DID. But there are some few here and there that try.

GG

Agreed.
 
Thanks for the clarifications, Magdlyn :)

I had a friend who never masturbated until after she was married (she married her high-school sweetheart, so she was still young) and only started after she had her first orgasm with him, so I knew it happened, but I guess it's always like some kind of revelation to me. When I was a teenager, I always assumed everybody masturbated :p

I think the reason I dissociate it from partnered sex so much could be because my first experiences were when I was so young, and not sexual in the emotional or psychological sense. I remember one of my first orgasms if not the first was from climbing rope in a playing area. The effort from my abs mixed with the slight rubbing of the rope on my crotch caused it, and it was confusing and amazing at the same time. At first I only masturbated that way... I did a lot of climbing rope lol.
As I grew up though, I understood what was going on and started doing it differently, and in private. But still, at the time I didn't know much about penises and how they worked, I didn't know about erections or ejaculation for instance. I didn't picture sex, I did picture boys or men, but it very different contexts.

I think in a way, it's similar to sucking on your thumb when you're a child, in that for years I just did it before going to sleep, because that's the only time I had the privacy, and so it's stayed for me some kind of comfort/relaxation activity, like hugging a teddy bear or something. A lot of the time, I would fall asleep before climax, so I don't tie it 100% with orgasms either, although it's the usual outcome.

I like the anecdote about creating your own erotic material and having an outlet that way, without the physical aspect of masturbating. That's pretty neat.
 
I prefer photos over videos personally.

I see. Any idea why?

But, I'm not opposed to my partners watching videos and I have watched a few with them. Generally I get stuck staring dumbfoundedly when the sounds, words, music whatever don't correlate for crap with the actions. That leaves me at a loss for interest and certainly not moving into "turned on" mode.

I also seriously dislike canned sounds or anything else that looks fake.

But, there have been a few over the years that I could lose myself in the obvious enjoyment of the participants.

It's not classified as porn, but the movie Better Than Chocolate was an assigned film for a class I just took this summer. I LOVED the sex scene in it between the two female main characters. It was so damn obvious by the facial expressions that they were enjoying the activity. THAT turned me on beyond belief and led to a great personal experience with my husband. :)

Cool :)

I get turned on by sincere enjoyment, it doesn't generally matter what it is that they're doing-as long as everyone who's participating is enjoying it. I can enjoy watching a BDSM scene, or lovemaking, guy on girl, guy on guy, or girl on girl, or more than 2 groups as well. But, I'm not excited if they aren't all VISIBLY enjoying the activity.

Same.
 
Lol :). That's so cool to know though; I wasn't really sure what happened while pregnant, other then that sex was still possible; now I know -.-

Well, pretty much everything that happens normally. But going slow to check in more often and having lots of support pillows is an added bonus. And that's not all. Later in pregnancy, the Peanut would wake up and COMPLAIN that mom is having an orgasm. Stretch out, kick whatever. It was amusing to think about what that must be like : Minding your own business taking a snooze in the cozy dark and then your whole world being all shook up! Later breastmilk spraying when extremely aroused or orgasms happened -- that was interesting.

Lol, interesting indeed :)

Oh, so much fun! A different kind of intimacy with a lover while pregnant. Cada epoca tiene su encanto -- Every epoch (or stage or season) has its enchantments (or charms.)

Cool. So you speak spanish well? I speak it fairly well; my father was born and raised in Mexico and I learned it before I learned english :p.

There's a line of pregnant porn out there somewhere -- for some people that's a thing.

Lol :).

Not a thing of mine, but I did enjoy being pregnant and that stage of life. There really is nothing new under the sun. People are people, and where there's people sooner or later there's sex and it's many expressions.

Yeah. I love the (potential) intimacy of sexual expression.
 
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