Gifts,trinkets and memorabilia around the house

I noticed a small gift that was tucked away semi-out of sight. I was pretty sure it was a gift from my wife's girlfriend to the wife. I didn't like the idea that she felt she needed to be low key about her affections. I sent a message telling her it was fine if she displayed gifts, trinkets or memorabilia around the house being aware of who else might read them. We have to pictures of the girlfriend up on the family collage wall with her kids from several years ago and she frequents the digital frame.I care about her but I just didn't like the idea that maybe she didn't feel free to share those things with me or around the house.

I'm curious to know if you've thought about that or have encouragement or rules about what can be put out for display or where they can be put out on display.
 
It's possible that she wants some things just for herself. Privacy doesn't necessarily have anything do with you or y'all's relationship. You've assigned meaning to this already. You don't have to make it a thing.
 
I am not one for knickknack brickabrack around my house. I have some photos here and there, of both my husbands. We certainly don't have any rules, per se. Now that I think about it, I do still have a trinket from an old ex boyfriend (years ago) on the wall of my downstairs bathroom. It's super cool. Lol Anyway, usually I buy Christmas tree ornaments as trip mementos so all my swag is only out once a year. :)
 
I'm curious to know if you've thought about that or have encouragement or rules about what can be put out for display or where they can be put out on display.
When I say you, OP, I am not directing this to only you specifically, but everyone, as in the general you.

When you're in a polyamorous arrangement, sooner or later you're gonna have to deal with the fact that the people you're with are with other people too. So, to me, having rules about trinkets and mementos from other relationships seems petty and would indicate some level of denial or non-acceptance about the fact that your lover has other lovers! Don't consent to poly if you can't accept and handle the truth!
 
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I noticed a small gift that was tucked away semi-out of sight. I was pretty sure it was a gift from my wife's girlfriend to the wife. I didn't like the idea that she felt she needed to be low key about her affections.
Just a first reaction: Maybe you're jumping to conclusions. It's not as if she hid it away in a safety deposit box. Maybe she "tucked it away" to keep it safe. Maybe she didn't give much thought to where she put it down.

If you want her to waltz in and wave every gift under your nose, trilling "Look what ____ gave me today!", you should tell her so. And respect her right not to do so. That's her call.

This comment is not meant to sound snooty: I just offer it as something to think about. You might be right: she might be hiding things that she feels would upset you. [The fact that they're only "semi-out of sight" might be a hint of a subconscious wish for you to comment on her worries.] In which case, you should talk about that. Just open the talk without assuming that that's the case.
 
Hi Orlandobif,

Perhaps your wife's girlfriend wanted to keep the gift out of sight because she wanted it to be a surprise? Just a thought.

I'm not a fan of trinkets around the house, but I don't have any rules about it. I own a few items myself that are mostly just for show. So I think it's not my place to tell my companions they can't own items like that as well.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I'm a bit conflicted on this issue. Personally I don't think I'd mind so much - I feel like there's not much difference between a trinket acquired by my partner before we met, and one given to her by someone she's seeing now. I don't think I'd be that bothered emotionally by seeing something like that in our house, however, the caveat here is that it would have to be something that we both liked to look at. We don't have much space for the displaying of objects, and we both bought quite a lot of this kind of thing (paintings in particular) before we moved in together - it's been a negotiation trying to figure out what can go on the wall, and what should stay in storage. I don't think I'd be happy if something could instantly gain displayment rights if only one of us appreciated it. Nina did in fact veto a painting I loved because it was painted by my ex (she said it was a combination of her not liking it and it being too much of a reminder of the woman who painted it, who Nina had a bad relationship with) and so I gave it to my parents who have it in their hallway. I still get to see it often. It is still my painting. That was a good solution. Until recently, we also both had work offices where we could put stuff up that the other did not like. She still does, but I lost my office a while ago due to restructuring. I think having a place that is just yours or just your partners could be one solution to the problem, if it is a problem.
 
We have baby toys, piano music, and a couple of decorative items in our little 2 bedroom apartment that have come from Boy. I also sleep on sheets almost every night (they're my favorite - occasionally another set gets put on if I don't get the dried in time to remake the bed at night) that were given to me by Hubby's ex. Oh, also some kitchen utensils that are in the holder thing on the counter came from Boy.

So, yeah. As long as it's useful and goes with our decor...
 
I'm curious to know if you've thought about that or have encouragement or rules about what can be put out for display or where they can be put out on display.
If I lived with a partner, I would have preferences around that. I might not want a picture from my metamour displayed right in my bedroom so that I see it first thing when I wake up for example... (especially if I don't like the picture itself :p) Sure I can handle gift cards from vacations and mundane stuff, but more personal gifts may be more triggery. I might prefere they be all in one place and not all over the house or something... I don't know, it would depend on the metamour relationship too.
 
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