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  #1  
Old 01-18-2018, 08:56 AM
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Default What Does Everyone Think of a Poly LGBTQ Space Here?

I know this idea was floated a long time ago, but as far as I know it never went anywhere. Even within the poly community, LGBTQIA+ people face unique challenges that our straight/cisgender counterparts simply don't. It's just a thought, but was wondering what folks thought of the idea.
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Old 01-18-2018, 01:36 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Various thoughts pop into my head --
  • I like the idea, of course. However, my feeling is that it's possibly redundant, or "a solution in search of a problem." Seems like there's a LOT of people already here who openly fit the criterion. therefore everywhere is "a Poly LGBTQ Space."
  • Wouldn't it be easier to set aside a space for people who DON'T fit into that group?
  • Per a previous discussion, I've never really liked lumping so many different experiences together under the LGBetc. rubric; there's great potential power in a coalition, but there's no coalition if there's just a one-size-fits-everyone mass. If the mass deserves a space, each of its component groups is certainly at least as deserving, & would greatly benefit discussion because of focus.
  • As each thread in this forum constitutes a "space" already, it appears simple for anyone to create a new space, at any moment, with whatever intended direction they wish.
  • If a separate (but equal ) area from the Forums is desired, the site already offers a Social Groups capability. It is up to the members to choose to use this, not Mods or Admins; this only needs someone to lead the way.
Per that last point, I've just put up a sort of "Social Groups FAQ" (if only to point to the "real" FAQ ) & explain the options a bit --
how (& why) to start a Social Group here
There's already a group called "Gay, Bi-, Queer Poly" which happens to be the largest. It never really took off, & would likely benefit from new members.
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Old 01-18-2018, 07:43 PM
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Hi PurpleSun,

A LGBTQ space sounds good to me, hopefully the mods will notice this thread and respond.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 01-18-2018, 07:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
....it's possibly redundant, or "a solution in search of a problem." Seems like there's a LOT of people already here who openly fit the criterion. therefore everywhere is "a Poly LGBTQ Space."
I don't perceive that same sex relationships need special designation here because to me the entire forum is not only LGTBQ friendly, but our forum culture does not assume heterosexuality and regards every relationship and grouping as specific unto itself. There are many of us here who don't identify strongly with either straight or LGTBQ, but are just sexual and open to various sexualities. I really love that we do not separate community members here according to sexual identification, but instead maintain an atmosphere of genuine inclusion of all stripes of sexuality. The charm of this place is that we get to know individuals over time and we're not just answering questions according to subject matter, like on reddit.

Someone recently suggested we form a "previously poly" section and I spoke against that idea for the same reason: we don't need to protect "previously poly" voices here because 1) some of us go in and out of poly relationships and 2) this perspective is welcome here and already represented in the discussions. No need to make a special section for people who are already fully participating and when you do make a special section, you needlessly divide a community that had no problem of inclusion in the first place.

Sirius Satellite Radio got rid of its OutQ channel because it's commitment to LGTBQ inclusion was so successful, the special designation of a channel for "gay talk" was just not necessary anymore. I see that as a huge cultural success. We only need special sections when a group is marginalized or somehow needs a "boost" and that is not happening in this forum.
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Last edited by FallenAngelina; 01-18-2018 at 08:12 PM.
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Old 01-18-2018, 11:03 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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While I tend to agree with FallenAngelina that inclusion is better then exclusion, I'm not in a position to say if some LGBTQ people feel in any way excluded, or if they would prefer a space for themselves for other reasons. I suppose I could technically count myself under "Q" with bdsm preferences, but that still puts me far from the experience of being gay/lesbian/transgender. Honestly, I do feel quite normal here , although I did appreciate that there's an old buried thread dedicated to bdsm somewhere in the discussion section when I needed a wheee! about getting collared.
Why would you appreciate a group like that PurpleSun?
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Old 01-19-2018, 04:07 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinwen View Post
While I tend to agree with FallenAngelina that inclusion is better then exclusion, I'm not in a position to say if some LGBTQ people feel in any way excluded, or if they would prefer a space for themselves for other reasons. I suppose I could technically count myself under "Q" with bdsm preferences, but that still puts me far from the experience of being gay/lesbian/transgender. Honestly, I do feel quite normal here , although I did appreciate that there's an old buried thread dedicated to bdsm somewhere in the discussion section when I needed a wheee! about getting collared.
Why would you appreciate a group like that PurpleSun?
It's really just a curiosity as to how the forum feels. There's only been once, in the couple years I've been active here off and on, where I've felt that straight splaining was a thing...but just in society at large, we face challenges that are unique to us, that straight people, be they poly or any other relationship orientation, just don't, so sometimes it's nice to talk to those who do really get it, because they live it, that's all. Same way I can talk another person of color about racism in a way that white people can't understand, I can talk to other LGBTQ people about homoantagonism in ways straight people can't understand, that's all. But, it looks like there may not be much support for it here, so that's okay.

And re: the Q - we don't count BDSM in that as far as the community goes writ large. That's more a) a reclaiming of a term that was once a widely used slur - it was, indeed, the last word many heard as they died from gay bashings - or b) an umbrella term for the entire non-hetero/non-cisgender community. We view BDSM as a kink, rather than as an inherent sexual orientation or gender identity that is a source of oppression that should be protected like race, sex, etc, from discrimination in the public sphere via the law. That's all.


Thanks for the replies everyone. Was just wondering.
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  #7  
Old 01-19-2018, 04:23 AM
AlwaysGrowing AlwaysGrowing is offline
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I identify as bi. I have never once felt included in an lgbtq+ space. Ever. I am in two long term relationships with men, so I guess I'm not gay enough or something because I have the safety of appearing straight - ignoring the fact that every person in my life is aware of my orientation.

Poly spaces? I've felt welcomed and supported that my identity is valid regardless of my current relationship dynamics.

So, I don't think what people talk about wanting is an actual lgbtq+ safe space, most of the time. It's a safe space for people currently in or exclusively in same sex relationships or with a nonbinary gender identity (trans, genderfluid, etc).

But I'm just a bitter bisexual. Maybe it's a phase and I'll change my mind tomorrow. 😁
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  #8  
Old 01-19-2018, 05:20 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
I identify as bi. I have never once felt included in an lgbtq+ space. Ever. I am in two long term relationships with men, so I guess I'm not gay enough or something because I have the safety of appearing straight - ignoring the fact that every person in my life is aware of my orientation.

Poly spaces? I've felt welcomed and supported that my identity is valid regardless of my current relationship dynamics.

So, I don't think what people talk about wanting is an actual lgbtq+ safe space, most of the time. It's a safe space for people currently in or exclusively in same sex relationships or with a nonbinary gender identity (trans, genderfluid, etc).

But I'm just a bitter bisexual. Maybe it's a phase and I'll change my mind tomorrow. 😁
I'm sorry you feel that way. As a lesbian, I will not speak to your experiences. My current gf is bisexual, and she is the head of an LGBTQ org...so, not all LGBTQ spaces are like that, jsyk. I don't think that would happen here, at any rate. I've seen far more bisexual people than gay people. So I don't think there would be room for erasure here. But, again, I'm just a lesbian, so IDK.
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  #9  
Old 01-19-2018, 05:24 AM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
I really love that we do not separate community members here according to sexual identification, but instead maintain an atmosphere of genuine inclusion of all stripes of sexuality.
Oh, truly said. Thank you, for that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
But I'm just a bitter bisexual.
FWIW, don't waste time/energy on bitterness -- seemed like I'm the resident cranky optimist here, & I can't have you treading upon my territory. Anyway, bitterness in even a little takes too much cool stuff from life. FWIW (& hopefully not off-topic), I've had... well... happy encounters with various males gay & bi & straight as well as transmen pre & post. Life has been good.

Last edited by Ravenscroft; 01-19-2018 at 05:42 AM.
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  #10  
Old 01-19-2018, 05:25 AM
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PurpleSun PurpleSun is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
Various thoughts pop into my head --
  • I like the idea, of course. However, my feeling is that it's possibly redundant, or "a solution in search of a problem." Seems like there's a LOT of people already here who openly fit the criterion. therefore everywhere is "a Poly LGBTQ Space."
  • Wouldn't it be easier to set aside a space for people who DON'T fit into that group?
  • Per a previous discussion, I've never really liked lumping so many different experiences together under the LGBetc. rubric; there's great potential power in a coalition, but there's no coalition if there's just a one-size-fits-everyone mass. If the mass deserves a space, each of its component groups is certainly at least as deserving, & would greatly benefit discussion because of focus.
  • As each thread in this forum constitutes a "space" already, it appears simple for anyone to create a new space, at any moment, with whatever intended direction they wish.
  • If a separate (but equal ) area from the Forums is desired, the site already offers a Social Groups capability. It is up to the members to choose to use this, not Mods or Admins; this only needs someone to lead the way.
Per that last point, I've just put up a sort of "Social Groups FAQ" (if only to point to the "real" FAQ ) & explain the options a bit --
how (& why) to start a Social Group here
There's already a group called "Gay, Bi-, Queer Poly" which happens to be the largest. It never really took off, & would likely benefit from new members.
Thanks for this. I'm not a place to be able to run anything myself, but I'll definitely check that group out.
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Queer ladies feel free to PM, just for community


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