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  #31  
Old 02-25-2018, 02:27 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysGrowing View Post
I identify as bi. I have never once felt included in an lgbtq+ space. Ever. I am in two long term relationships with men, so I guess I'm not gay enough or something because I have the safety of appearing straight - ignoring the fact that every person in my life is aware of my orientation.
This. Exactly.

I am fairly asocial so I am more resigned than bitter, but still...

Being able to "pass" is one of the many privileges of being - white, married (to a member of the opposite sex), monied, educated, intelligent, professional, not-young, not-old, not-fat, able-bodied, American. In my life, the privileges associated with these attributes outweigh the risks associated with being - female, bisexual, poly (and being female is the only attribute obvious enough to engender any threat from strangers).

PS. Sorry if this is a non sequitur - I've been contemplating the concept of "privilege" with regards to my own life recently, so that is where my head is today. (My therapist doesn't like the "it could be so much worse" meme when it comes to minimizing the "problems" in my life, but, in the grand scheme of things ... my issues are relatively minor.)
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JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost ex-lover-friend, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS; live-in with Katniss
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.


My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 02-25-2018 at 02:57 PM.
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  #32  
Old 02-25-2018, 07:37 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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I've considered some of these issues, for instance in the thread What is bisexuality? Such discussions are clearly worth having.

The upside of all-inclusiveness (in this instance "LGBTQ+") is that anyone can walk in the door.

The downside of all-inclusiveness (in this instance "LGBTQ+") is that anyone can walk in the door.

We all have LOADS of commonality, & it's great that there's so much communication & so much willingness to share our experiences "across the borders" even as we maintain the borders.

Bi issues are not homosexual issues. Gay issues aren't lesbian issues. Non-het isn't interchangeable with nonmonogamy isn't interchangeable with leather. The trans & intersex** might have any form of sexual expression.

This site, these forums, are already intended as all-inclusive. Its sub-areas are generally all-inclusive. Creating a whole new sub-area in order to make it all-inclusive... well, it's clearly a well-trod path already.

It is exclusion that makes something interesting or valuable.

Aside from politeness, the only way to create a boundary on this site is in the Social Groups.
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** -- the term "hermaphrodite" has fallen into disfavor as being "stigmatizing," but I've seen "intersex" abused so much that I detest its imprecision, much like "queer." In any case, those who are born with some degree of male AND female genitalia is much more common than most people are aware. It's not so trendy as "bi" & "poly" & such because being intersex is not something that can be merely claimed, tried on for size.
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  #33  
Old 02-27-2018, 05:08 AM
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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Sexuality is not demonstrative. Many people know whether they are straight or not without ever having had sex with anyone else. A bisexual person certainly doesn't have to try sexual contact with various genders to figure out whether they're attracted to more than one gender.
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"I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar."

I have a blog over here, featuring:
Me (panromantic demisexual 30-something)
Guitarist (my spouse, who very occasionally blogs here; boyfriend of Spice; seeing Honeybee)
Flame (my long-distance relationship)
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  #34  
Old 02-27-2018, 09:57 PM
anamikanon anamikanon is offline
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I don't like the idea of a separate space. They are people just like everyone else. Why limit them to a corner? Everyone here has a unique matrix of choices on multiple fronts and we have more in common than differences needing separation. We all yearn for something, feel hurt, feel excluded, insulted, included, secure, insecure... for very similar reasons. One kind of person can hold insights for another - or at least simply develop a broader worldview from the exposure.

Protected spaces make sense in a space where dominant views subsume others. In a space where everyone's individuality is respected and addressed directly, separate spaces sound like ghettoization to me. And unnecessary adoption of hetero defaults as the "real" "space". Why separate a few to go and talk elsewhere? Are they not unique, the same as us? Kind of thing. Who here would judge a woman for becoming a man or falling in love with a woman. That crap doesn't happen here. And if it does, there are enough of us who'd address it immediately and make a learning example out of it. This is a strong, inclusive space.
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  #35  
Old 02-28-2018, 05:31 AM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnLeaves View Post
Many people know whether they are straight or not without ever having had sex with anyone else.
Apologies, but "many" is at best a weasel word.

This statement invalidates the experience of people who come to self-realization later in life, when presented with possibilities of which they'd previously not been fully aware.
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  #36  
Old 02-28-2018, 08:09 AM
ImaginaryIllusion's Avatar
ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
Apologies, but "many" is at best a weasel word.

This statement invalidates the experience of people who come to self-realization later in life, when presented with possibilities of which they'd previously not been fully aware.
"Many" is just a word, and the statement is simply an individual expressing their view... which is what this forum is for!
Be wary of trying to subvert language in order to manipulate the discussion.
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  #37  
Old 02-28-2018, 06:58 PM
AutumnLeaves AutumnLeaves is offline
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In this context, "many" is "a large but indefinite number." It has nothing to do with people who have decided they're not straight before/after/while having sex with someone. And while "many" people could be described as knowing that they're straight before ever being involved in sex, "many" people can also be described as any sexual orientation. "Many" people are also questioning or change their minds as life goes on.

My point remains: you don't have to demonstrate your sexual orientation by having sex with anyone, much less justify YOUR orientation to someone else on the basis of who you have or haven't had sex with. "You" here being the general you, not "you" in specific.
__________________
"I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar."

I have a blog over here, featuring:
Me (panromantic demisexual 30-something)
Guitarist (my spouse, who very occasionally blogs here; boyfriend of Spice; seeing Honeybee)
Flame (my long-distance relationship)
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  #38  
Old 03-09-2018, 05:59 AM
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ImaginaryIllusion ImaginaryIllusion is offline
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Because this has come up elsewhere, I will re-iterate the official position at the moment as regards this idea of a separate space for particular identities.


This forum is built on the idea that anyone should be able to come in and talk about poly related subjects, with other poly related folks, to exchange ideas, and learn from each other as we all try to find our way through this way of living and loving.

As Mods, we operate to use minimal interference in that exchange of ideas. As such the structure of the forum is also built to have minimal necessary categories to keep exposure to other discussions as broad as possible, and are based on Subjects, rather than people! It also intends that the audience and the participants are as inclusive as possible as there's no area intended to restrict any group of people.

It's an online and relatively anonymous-ish forum, so the only identity you have here is what you chose to bring with you. The forum staff are under no obligation to mediate for anything based on those grounds.

As such... I will leave this thread open for further commenting a polite discussion as people feel inclined, but in the spirit of making informed choices, the notion of dividing the forum along reasons like this, are antithetical to it's purpose, and it is highly unlikely to be any reason compelling enough to sway from that course.
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