Norwegianpoly
New member
Well, if you do it early in the relationship I would buy the "stating boundries, let (in)compability run its course". But most likely, when entering the relationship you agreed it would be monogamous.I've seen quite a few instances where someone's monogamous partner refuses to consent to polyamory, so the advice (one of the options) offered is to say, "Well, I am unwilling to close, so, I am going to have a poly relationship with a second partner. I hope you won't break up with me, but you can if you want."
Is that cheating? (or at least somehow doing wrong?) Some say it's just stating your boundaries and then letting incompatibility run its course. Personally I am uneasy about it.
You want to play by new rules. Of course you can initiate that you are having other lovers no matter what. People also say, after a few years, I want us to sell the house and travel the world, or, sure we never discussed babies but now after eight years I want one, or I want to quit my state official job and make my living as a novel writer, or I never want to see your mother again for as long as I live. But it is also likely that the other person is not on board with that. I would not say it is cheating, but it is insensitive to change the rules without having your partner on board with it. And you risk the other person saying: Poly is not an option or, no, you can't sell our house, or there IS/isn't going to be a baby, or I am not supporting your writer's dream, or MILs are part of the package deal. Saying take it or leave it is not wrong, but it is risky.