Norwegianpoly
New member
Hi,
my husband is leaving our romantic relationship, although it is not very clear to anyone why. Poly plays a part, but I have dated another man almost 4 years and they get along, I have met my second inlaws etc. My husband had a girlfriend during the first year I dated the other man. For the past year we have had some troubles not related to poly, but I consider them solved now.
Although my husband said he longed for a "normal", monogamous life, he did not really ask me to stop the other relationship in exchange for a mono life with him. He said things had gone too far, that it was not fair to the other man and that he did not know if he could "trust" me (he since took that word back, but I get that this is the kind of sentiment he feels towards me; that my ability to love plurally makes me somehow romantically untrustworthy).
We get along as friends, and it is not going to be a messy breakup. I just feel very sad and confused by it all. My boyfriend is even more confused, and although he i mono, my boyfriend is trying to convince my husband to not leave me. Hardly anyone I know knows my husband moved out 10 days ago and life feels very strange.
I really dont know what I would choose if my husband set me to the big challenge. How can anyone choose between two men they love? But he did not even ask me that. He said hypothetically he could date me if we lived mono, but the way he spoke he seemed very pessimistic about a future with me, having kids and so on. I got the feeling he wanted me to really woo him as well as wait for him to have his existentional crisis. I dont feel motivated to do that; considering to drop my boyfriend (or drop my husband, if my boyfriend was to ask me) would have been the hardest thing I did in my life and I felt it was really unfair that he could tell me nothing about our future. I am not sure it IS about poly, since he did not really want me to choose. Obviously he also himself has feelings for others, so I find it really weird that he holds that against me.
Have anyone been in this situation? I really have no idea if my husband is going to change his mind. I realize he needs to be alone for a while at least and is helping him find a place of his own.
my husband is leaving our romantic relationship, although it is not very clear to anyone why. Poly plays a part, but I have dated another man almost 4 years and they get along, I have met my second inlaws etc. My husband had a girlfriend during the first year I dated the other man. For the past year we have had some troubles not related to poly, but I consider them solved now.
Although my husband said he longed for a "normal", monogamous life, he did not really ask me to stop the other relationship in exchange for a mono life with him. He said things had gone too far, that it was not fair to the other man and that he did not know if he could "trust" me (he since took that word back, but I get that this is the kind of sentiment he feels towards me; that my ability to love plurally makes me somehow romantically untrustworthy).
We get along as friends, and it is not going to be a messy breakup. I just feel very sad and confused by it all. My boyfriend is even more confused, and although he i mono, my boyfriend is trying to convince my husband to not leave me. Hardly anyone I know knows my husband moved out 10 days ago and life feels very strange.
I really dont know what I would choose if my husband set me to the big challenge. How can anyone choose between two men they love? But he did not even ask me that. He said hypothetically he could date me if we lived mono, but the way he spoke he seemed very pessimistic about a future with me, having kids and so on. I got the feeling he wanted me to really woo him as well as wait for him to have his existentional crisis. I dont feel motivated to do that; considering to drop my boyfriend (or drop my husband, if my boyfriend was to ask me) would have been the hardest thing I did in my life and I felt it was really unfair that he could tell me nothing about our future. I am not sure it IS about poly, since he did not really want me to choose. Obviously he also himself has feelings for others, so I find it really weird that he holds that against me.
Have anyone been in this situation? I really have no idea if my husband is going to change his mind. I realize he needs to be alone for a while at least and is helping him find a place of his own.
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