I am an older male and my partner is younger - together for five years. We are queer identified and have always been committed to polyamory. We never explicitly discussed what that would look like. All of our actions in exploring implicitly looked like (and I thought were aimed at) a triad. The triad was emotional friendship & community with me (to be the basis of a trust bond) and an emotional and sexual partnership for my partner - with eye towards long term committed relationship to adopt and raise children with.
This was never meant to be casual and all of our discussions understood long term commitment to community and mutually supportive family; even moving to less expensive locale eventually together (we live in Bay Area).
Six months ago, my partner met a person who for first month seemed open to all of this and they quickly became bonded. We - this other person and I - met alone on two occasions to see if we "fit" and we got along great and they reported this as so to both myself and my partner.
Then, about 6 weeks in they resisted any efforts to work on a friendship at all and want no communications with me at all. They now talk of parallel polyamory or even relationship anarchy (neither was ever mentioned early on... though kitchen table poly was). There is now discussion of never living under same roof if they do move in together.
The two of them are deep into an emotional relationship and I feel forced into a kind of relationship to which I would never have agreed to join. Certainly not without open honest face to face discussions-negotiation of boundaries. But here we are.
My partner does not dispute the facts of the situation and is mad at both of us for not finding a way we all three can live with situation. I insist on face to face reboot of our agreements and boundaries but the other person refuses any discussion at all. I simply must accept the situation as is. I argue this is unethical non-monogamy and cannot be made right without open negotiation of consent and frankly, an apology for having been defacto misled with initial seeming being on same page wiling to work toward our ideal outcomes as outline above.
There is more details but for brevity sake here and now, I am curious as to any thoughts or feedback?
This was never meant to be casual and all of our discussions understood long term commitment to community and mutually supportive family; even moving to less expensive locale eventually together (we live in Bay Area).
Six months ago, my partner met a person who for first month seemed open to all of this and they quickly became bonded. We - this other person and I - met alone on two occasions to see if we "fit" and we got along great and they reported this as so to both myself and my partner.
Then, about 6 weeks in they resisted any efforts to work on a friendship at all and want no communications with me at all. They now talk of parallel polyamory or even relationship anarchy (neither was ever mentioned early on... though kitchen table poly was). There is now discussion of never living under same roof if they do move in together.
The two of them are deep into an emotional relationship and I feel forced into a kind of relationship to which I would never have agreed to join. Certainly not without open honest face to face discussions-negotiation of boundaries. But here we are.
My partner does not dispute the facts of the situation and is mad at both of us for not finding a way we all three can live with situation. I insist on face to face reboot of our agreements and boundaries but the other person refuses any discussion at all. I simply must accept the situation as is. I argue this is unethical non-monogamy and cannot be made right without open negotiation of consent and frankly, an apology for having been defacto misled with initial seeming being on same page wiling to work toward our ideal outcomes as outline above.
There is more details but for brevity sake here and now, I am curious as to any thoughts or feedback?