BDsm

Dom.

Dominus.

Master.

Yeah, I knew about "Master" but I think "Dominus" was the word I was looking for. I needed the root word to be "Dom[whatever]" - the etymological "correct" form, not the BDSM-community "correct" form.

Anyway, I used the word "Dom" and it worked for the purposes intended.
 
Ah, thanks for the rec. That's kind of like Ace Bandages? A cat of mine once had the vet wrap that around a large cut he got in a fight.

Not sure what ace bandage is :)

Well, we found it quite the opposite, but gf only did rope bondage on me one time, so far. I didn't expect the actual tying to be the best part! *drool* Not that we didnt do other exciting things once I was fully bound...

Well its like peel and eat shrimp for me. I don't enjoy that either. Its a lot of work and when I do rope I love to get it all perfect and pretty. By the time I am done, I am rarely as horny as I started.

I would much rather subdue someone with my hands or maybe a belt nearby and make the tying part of the sex :)
 
Not sure what ace bandage is :)

Stretchy elastic cloth tape

13_elastic_bandage.jpg


Vet tape

dog-cast-leg-345kt040610.jpg





Well its like peel and eat shrimp for me. I don't enjoy that either.

hehe! We both like that, and lobster too!

Its a lot of work and when I do rope I love to get it all perfect and pretty. By the time I am done, I am rarely as horny as I started.

OK, so noted. Lucky for me (and her), it was quite the opposite. :p

I would much rather subdue someone with my hands or maybe a belt nearby and make the tying part of the sex :)

Also good.

The first time I was bound, by a different play partner, was by a tickling fetishist. He had a massage table for the activity, with chains attached to velcro cuffs on each corner. I was a little scared, but after a while I noticed the chains on the cuffs on my hands were so long, I couldve actually undid them if I had so wished. It was a great experiment in light bondage and readied me for more serious bondage with my gf.
 
The first time I was bound, by a different play partner, was by a tickling fetishist. He had a massage table for the activity, with chains attached to velcro cuffs on each corner. I was a little scared, but after a while I noticed the chains on the cuffs on my hands were so long, I couldve actually undid them if I had so wished. It was a great experiment in light bondage and readied me for more serious bondage with my gf.

Oh good god, I would become violent. Tickling and I don't get along.

My first experience with bondage was using everything in the room and a set of cuffs. On one of those wicker chairs (large and round like a satelite dish) that you could spin. I tied the girl to it and could rotate it around to optimize positions.

At the time, used cuffs and belts and ripped some sheets. Good times using everything around the room to really get the effect I wanted.
 
Oh good god, I would become violent. Tickling and I don't get along.

.

Well, I am not very ticklish. He started at the neck and worked His way down. I just kept cumming from the stimulation and soaked His table...

Finally he got to my feet and I tried hard to stop cumming and start laughing as He wanted. LOL He said he'd never seen anyone respond the way I did. And He makes tickling films for a living.
 
RP-
thought it was better to answer here.

Short answer, yes.

Maca can't possibly be a Dom to me when he can't commit to our relationship and keep his personal insecurities and fears under control (ie not being cruel just to get revenge for a fear he has).

So-no submissive for me.


I'm not HIS mistress. Don't want to be, and he wouldn't want me to be either.
 
Okay, so question for the people active in their local BDSM community. I'm worried, but maybe it's for nothing.

So I was talking to Asha today, and she said that she had seen me snub Easy during a munch we went to. I know that some of the people here are very judgmental and concerned with how "proper" subs and doms are supposed to act. I've been getting some weird looks that I can't interpret, and some people won't talk to me no matter how friendly I am. Now I'm worried that I'm not behaving in the accepted way, and it's affecting how we're accepted. Normally, I'd (probably) say oh well, I guess we're not friends. But this is important to Asha.

Easy says he doesn't care, I can be how I am and it doesn't matter if people accept me. How important are appearances? Should I be worried that I broke some code and now no one will ever accept me? I suppose that I could allow myself to be ousted for the good of the group, but it would be somewhat painful to be the only one who couldn't go to get-togethers. Actually, I'm not sure I could accept being the babysitter while everyone else went out. Maybe that's selfish.

How am I supposed to be acting? I was given the impression that I could be myself, but am I really supposed to be kneeling at Easy's feet?
 
Easy says he doesn't care, I can be how I am and it doesn't matter if people accept me. How important are appearances?

Thats all that matters. Even if you are really concerned about appearances, you could subjugate the distain to your dom. He should be able to explain you aren't 24/7 or however he wants to phrase it.

There will always be zealots, or 24/7's or people really living the twue life. If thats not how you play, don't worry about them ;)
 
Other people don't get to define your BDSM relationship.
Period.

That's between you and he, no one else.

If I were your Dom and someone treated you that way-I would give them a piece of my mind. But either which way-no one but you and he have anything to do with your relationship.
 
As far as our relationship goes, as far as I know, Easy, Asha and I are doing just fine. Asha wants to be accepted by the community because play parties are something she enjoys very much and misses quite a lot. I want to be accepted by some of these people because, well, I enjoy their company and I enjoy being able to be "out". I guess I'm afraid that if I don't act "right", then Asha won't be allowed her play parties, because Easy is my husband and if I'm not subly enough then they won't perceive him as domly enough or some such. Sigh. I'm having a hard time figuring out this community--so I guess I'm trying to figure out, how important is it that I act according to certain rules if I want to be accepted by the community? Can I afford to shrug off the people who don't like the way I behave? I *have* been approached by someone wanting to attach me to a mentor so I can learn what being a true submissive is all about...I didn't think much of it at the time, but now I'm worried that it's because I'm not acceptable.
 
From my perspective-all of those concerns that you are expressing;

Are the Dom's concerns to address, not yours.

As a sub.... it's not your place to concern yourself with ANYTHING but what your Dom wants from you, outside of what you expect of yourself.

So-while in "sub" mode at a party-it's not your place to worry about those things, it's his.

IF he has an issue with it, then he needs to deal with it. If you have an issue with it, you need to take it to him so that he can decide if it's an issue he warrants important enough to deal with.

(no disrespect intended of course-just sharing my perspective).


Example-if I am out and I am in Mistress (Dom) mode, then I am in charge of making all of those decisions and I take that responsibility QUITE seriously. It's NOT my slaves (sub) place to worry about it or concern himself with it. It's my RESPONSIBILITY to deal with it, not his.

IF on the other hand I am out and I am in submissive mode, then it's not MY place to deal with or worry about those things, it's my Dom's place. I don't even let myself think about it. I do naturally catch myself worrying about little details of things and how others may perceive them, but I force myself to swallow down the thought and simply obey him. Because that's the role I'm in. If HE doesn't find it concerning or worth his attention, then it's not.

The only caveat to that in both situations for me is that if the sub feels that they are being harmed in any way (emotional, mental, physical etc) they have a right to address it immediately. IF possible, I would always address it with my Dom-because I know he would address it properly and immediately. IF possible I would expect my slave to address it with me, because I would address it properly and immediately. BUT if it weren't possible to address it through the Dom immediately-then I believe the sub SHOULD address it themself-because it should be handled IMMEDIATELY.

Minor example of that is that ANYONE who tries to Dominate myself when I'm in sub mode or my slave, ever, will immediately be told that they are NOT the Dom and they are NOT free to do so-EVER. If my Dom is available, he would say so, likewise with my slave, if I'm available, I will say so. But if not-I have no qualms with giving that person an earful on my own as a sub or having my slave give someone an earful on his own.

If someone touched me/slave-again, immediately going to get an earful and quite possibly smacked silly-because I do NOT accept being touched by ANYONE in or out of BDSM. So that results in a hell of a quick reaction.
 
It should really bare no influence on what chance Asha has at getting into parties. That is her influence that will get her into those.

There is really no difference to other social situations. Speaking as a Mistress that is no way submissive, I will not hang out with anyone who puts on airs and thinks appearances are what BDSM is about. After 15 years at this, I am thorougly convinced that BDSM happens in private and is a sutble thing in public. The pomp and circumstance is just that and fun as it is, has nothing to do with a real BDSM relationship as far as I'm concerned. My subs are would be requird to turn away from someone who thinks differently.

In a nut shell? Fuck em. Who cares what anyone thinks. Its not for anyone to dictate your experience or how you should be. If they do I would walk away personally. Asha can do as she will. Its nothing to do with you and her putting pressure on you is more of a sign of her own insecurity than anything else.
 
LMAO Rp!!!

I almost wrote FUCK 'EM multiple times. But restrained myself. heheheheheh, thanks for doing it for me! heheheheheh, you know I love you right?

And, I second your thoughts-I don't do the public persona thing versus the personal at home thing.

I have two personalities-they co-exist. But I don't change them for other people's benefits.

No one matters but you and he Lemondrop. No one else.
If they bug you-tell them to bug off. If they are just out there having thoughts-let him deal with how to handle them. Not your problem, great being able to have something in life that isn't-takes time to learn to let it go-but you can. ;)
 
Hey, are there groups or communities that are into bondage WITHOUT the dominance and submission? The more I read about D/s here and elsewhere, the more it turns me off -- fascinating but just not my thing -- however, I've always loved playful light bondage, corsetry, restraints, etc. I had a date the other night and he instinctively pulled my hair, which got me so excited. Usually I have to ask for that. Anyway, I've never investigated that culture much because it always seems to be associated with D/s. But I would love to talk/share/get pointers ;) with people who know where I'm coming from. Any ideas?
 
nycindie
that's so interesting, everyone I know is into light bondage and not D/s!

Then there's me, I'm into D/s but ONLY with specified partners, never changes, ever. One includes light bondage, the other doesn't-at all....

;)

I think if you look around you'll find that there are many different "types" of people in all sorts of varying levels of interest in the different aspects and parts of BDSM.
 
Hey, are there groups or communities that are into bondage WITHOUT the dominance and submission? The more I read about D/s here and elsewhere, the more it turns me off -- fascinating but just not my thing -- however, I've always loved playful light bondage, corsetry, restraints, etc. I had a date the other night and he instinctively pulled my hair, which got me so excited. Usually I have to ask for that. Anyway, I've never investigated that culture much because it always seems to be associated with D/s. But I would love to talk/share/get pointers ;) with people who know where I'm coming from. Any ideas?

Yes there are lots of people in bondage without the D/s side of things :)
 
Yes there are lots of people in bondage without the D/s side of things :)
Hmm, well, I live in NYC, so I should be able to find them but I don't think they have groups and meetings like subs & doms do. At least I haven't seen any. I should check Meetup.

"Hello and welcome to our monthly light bondage meeting. Tonight's topic is how to lace up your own corset." Tee-hee.
 
Hey, are there groups or communities that are into bondage WITHOUT the dominance and submission? The more I read about D/s here and elsewhere, the more it turns me off -- fascinating but just not my thing -- however, I've always loved playful light bondage, corsetry, restraints, etc. I had a date the other night and he instinctively pulled my hair, which got me so excited. Usually I have to ask for that. Anyway, I've never investigated that culture much because it always seems to be associated with D/s. But I would love to talk/share/get pointers ;) with people who know where I'm coming from. Any ideas?

Here! I am incapable of or uninterested in being someone's 24/7 slave or Mistress, but I do love to either Top or bottom in play.
 
Here! I am incapable of or uninterested in being someone's 24/7 slave or Mistress, but I do love to either Top or bottom in play.
Cool, I was beginning to get frustrated with all the D/s talk. Even when I was on my date the other night and he saw how I reacted to having my hair pulled, he said, "Do you like being submissive?" and it was like a jolt, I immediately had a negative reaction. Something about that word. But when he held me down . . .
 
Cool, I was beginning to get frustrated with all the D/s talk. Even when I was on my date the other night and he saw how I reacted to having my hair pulled, he said, "Do you like being submissive?" and it was like a jolt, I immediately had a negative reaction. Something about that word. But when he held me down . . .

funny thing, hair pulling is a part of sex for me. It isn't a D/s thing. Its something I like...I don't consider it kinky. I also tend to restrain when having sex, I don't consider that kinky either.

I would see pulling hair as more sadistic as anything, if I was to think about it. Its a pain process, not necessarily a submissive one.
 
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