Rattledembones
New member
Long question, but hopefully one or two of you might be able to help me maybe....
I'm in a relatively new relationship with two people who are married to each other with a 18mth bubba - we had amazing connections and feels right from the beginning, and I didn't really hesitate at the idea of being in a poly family, so moving in was pretty much a no brainer. I have an amazing connection with my male partner - he has thrown himself in to it all so I think his fearlessness has rubbed off on me. I also feel like I have an amazing connection with my female partner, although it has been a lot slower and more cautious on her part (maybe because I'm the first woman she's been with).
Lately, however, things have been quite tense. When I'm with my girlfriend, she seems to be happy, and is very open about her feelings (almost too open, she complains about him a lot). But every time I spend time with him alone, especially if there may have been sex involved, I can feel her become distant, irritable and passive aggressive. I think he has noticed it as well - I went through a stage of feeling like I shouldn't be having sex with him without her and I think he has been feeling the same way sometimes. One of my ways of trying to help her feel more comfortable has been to move the extra mattress into their bedroom so that we're always sleeping together, because that had been something she had hinted that she wanted - but now I am really missing having my own space (not to mention the occasional privacy with this guy who I'm now missing like hell even when he's in the same room).
I have no idea what to do. When we first started, both of them emphasised how important it was to be open and honest about this as much as humanly possible - but I think they only understood this in theory and not in reality. Neither of them want me to go, and they say they both love me - but there's just this undercurrent of emotions and distance and nobody's really telling me anything. Has anyone ever been here? Has anyone got any ideas? Because I love both of them, and I want this to work so so much, but this is just repeating and repeating and I have no one to ask for advice.
I'm in a relatively new relationship with two people who are married to each other with a 18mth bubba - we had amazing connections and feels right from the beginning, and I didn't really hesitate at the idea of being in a poly family, so moving in was pretty much a no brainer. I have an amazing connection with my male partner - he has thrown himself in to it all so I think his fearlessness has rubbed off on me. I also feel like I have an amazing connection with my female partner, although it has been a lot slower and more cautious on her part (maybe because I'm the first woman she's been with).
Lately, however, things have been quite tense. When I'm with my girlfriend, she seems to be happy, and is very open about her feelings (almost too open, she complains about him a lot). But every time I spend time with him alone, especially if there may have been sex involved, I can feel her become distant, irritable and passive aggressive. I think he has noticed it as well - I went through a stage of feeling like I shouldn't be having sex with him without her and I think he has been feeling the same way sometimes. One of my ways of trying to help her feel more comfortable has been to move the extra mattress into their bedroom so that we're always sleeping together, because that had been something she had hinted that she wanted - but now I am really missing having my own space (not to mention the occasional privacy with this guy who I'm now missing like hell even when he's in the same room).
I have no idea what to do. When we first started, both of them emphasised how important it was to be open and honest about this as much as humanly possible - but I think they only understood this in theory and not in reality. Neither of them want me to go, and they say they both love me - but there's just this undercurrent of emotions and distance and nobody's really telling me anything. Has anyone ever been here? Has anyone got any ideas? Because I love both of them, and I want this to work so so much, but this is just repeating and repeating and I have no one to ask for advice.