How long hold off on an issue before it starts coming out anyways?

1234567

New member
Especially for those of you who are culturally or personally direct about issues...

If you and a love have an issue going on, something that's really bothering you, and they want to talk about it later, how long feels reasonable? (It might be different from someone you have regular contact with and some that don't).

I find past a few days, I've come to lots of conclusions as a way to get out of limbo and sometimes have to go back and rethink. People asking for 1-3 weeks drives me nuts. I'm sometimes able to hold off a while- but I find it starts coming out in ways I don't like if it's weeks.

I prefer to talk either right away, or after 1-2 days to get my stuff sorted first.
 
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It depends. I can think of situations where a few minutes is the right amount of time, and other situations where a few months is reasonable.
 
Depends.

Something emotionally disturbing they did today? Shouldn't wait at all if possible.

Some long-term structural problem? It doesn't kill us if it waits two more weeks till work stress is over. (Sometimes. Sometimes I'm really impatient too.)

Generally, I find waiting only magnifies problems, and if they wanted to put off hard talks for no good reason I'd say that in itself points to trouble in the relationship.
 
1-3 weeks would be fine if that was the next time we saw each other. Otherwise it seems like avoidance. Unless it is something that needs pondering.
 
My relationships are LD, therefore there seems little point putting off discussing difficult issues for an undue length of time, as "the right moment" may not present itself for a good long while.

Naturally, there has to be a little flexibility in the timing, as it smacks of immaturity and lack of control if you can't wait long enough for a partner to be done with their workday or start harassing them to talk about heavy issues at times you KNOW they're with another partner or spending time with their kids, etc.

Generally speaking though, I am not one to put off or avoid speaking plainly about difficult topics. If an unresolved issue looks like dragging on, or I find something particularly problematic or grievous about a partner's behaviour or attitude, I am pretty keen to attack it head-on instead of letting it fester.

I may have some issues with control stemming from anxiety, but I like to know where I stand, rather than having to guess. I think it's particularly necessary to communicate clearly and promptly in LDR or those where you don't see the person all that frequently, because little things can become magnified and without adequate explanation, most people tend to "fill in the gaps" with their own, often flawed, imaginings in the meantime.
 
For me it can only be put off until the next time we have alone time with allowance for emergencies.

Otherwise, I'm likely just to come out with it via text. I've never been all that good at keeping my mouth shut or avoiding going passive aggressive.
 
I know people who need time to process issues that arise before they are ready to talk. It gives them time to think and know how they really feel about whatever the problem is. I, however, like to get problems out of the way (and my headspace) as soon as possible. So, consider the individual's style and emotions. I always try to at least talk about when we can talk, so I don't get stressed out. Usually, there's a compromise for the timing.
 
I usually name a time limit. And sometimes schedule a discussion time.

For example, I'm dealing with a loss in my family currently so I asked for big discussions to occur after I've had a chance to determine whether my reactions are grief based or relationship based. Right now I need about 2-5 days to honestly work out the foundations of the feelings. For me, anything longer than a week would be avoida
 
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