Hi all! I'm at the worst place I've ever been in my life. Need guidance.
I'm 30 years old. My boyfriend of 9 years V. (35) and our girlfriend of 9 months S. (20) have technically dumped me.
We all live together and work together running a music label and concert venue.
V. and I had a monogamous relationship, but on a sexual level, in the realm of fantasy, we were very open (bdsm) so the idea of him being with other women was kinky to us, although we never did it.
15 months ago S. moved in with us for work (she's from abroad and we were growing the project, so was necessary on an economic level that we lived together to reduce costs). The communal living was idylic, we instantly became very close friends and full of energy. A couple of months later V. became infatuated with S., I also felt strong attraction, and S. reciprocated to us both, so we started a sporadic sexual relationship which developed into a triad, each with our own duo relationship in every direction.
As time progressed I was requested by V. to provide him and S. with more space for their relationship to grow. I did so, generously, but as their relationship progressed to a deep love enveloped in high NRE, my relationship with V. all but dissapeared as (at V.'s very recent admission) the time dedicated to each relationship has become completely imbalanced to their advantage.
My reactions to the situation have been increasingly negative, much shouting and crying and accusing, which I know is 100% wrong. But no matter how many calm and quiet conversations or on the other hand nervous breakdowns I've had, have created any change in the situation. We've been on the decline for the last 4 months.
Two weeks ago I was given an ultimatum by V. and S. to either go to therapy with them or I'd be left behind. We've been to two sessions but V. confessed to me a couple of days ago that he just can't be with me anymore and wants to stay with S and just wants to breakup smoothly. He's sick of the accusations and the shouting from me. I know he still loves me and is hurt and confused. He has said that if there's a huge change in me there is a small possibility of getting back together. I'm giving him the space he's requesting.
S. on the other hand is flip flopping on wether she wants to continue as a triad or continue a monogamous relationship with V. Her emotions switch from love to hate towards me on a daily basis. I'm forcing myself to be zen and to provide her love and support at all times, even though it's very hard for me to accept that she takes no responsability whatsoever in her actions. She has had terrible episodes of jealousy when V. and I have been together...etc yet her view of the problem is that it's purely an issue between me and V., and that I'm in the way of her relationship with him. I know she has also been pressuring V. on that note.
I love them both, although deeply hurt by them I can understand S.'s feelings are from a lack of maturity (she's very young and inexperienced) and V.'s at his wit's end and just wants to disconnect in the context of a carefree new relationship he doesn't feel pressured by.
My will is to grow and become more positive. My will is to rebuild a solid triad relationship with three solid bases. Any advice on how to regain my two loves back?
Infinite thanks. L.
I'm 30 years old. My boyfriend of 9 years V. (35) and our girlfriend of 9 months S. (20) have technically dumped me.
We all live together and work together running a music label and concert venue.
V. and I had a monogamous relationship, but on a sexual level, in the realm of fantasy, we were very open (bdsm) so the idea of him being with other women was kinky to us, although we never did it.
15 months ago S. moved in with us for work (she's from abroad and we were growing the project, so was necessary on an economic level that we lived together to reduce costs). The communal living was idylic, we instantly became very close friends and full of energy. A couple of months later V. became infatuated with S., I also felt strong attraction, and S. reciprocated to us both, so we started a sporadic sexual relationship which developed into a triad, each with our own duo relationship in every direction.
As time progressed I was requested by V. to provide him and S. with more space for their relationship to grow. I did so, generously, but as their relationship progressed to a deep love enveloped in high NRE, my relationship with V. all but dissapeared as (at V.'s very recent admission) the time dedicated to each relationship has become completely imbalanced to their advantage.
My reactions to the situation have been increasingly negative, much shouting and crying and accusing, which I know is 100% wrong. But no matter how many calm and quiet conversations or on the other hand nervous breakdowns I've had, have created any change in the situation. We've been on the decline for the last 4 months.
Two weeks ago I was given an ultimatum by V. and S. to either go to therapy with them or I'd be left behind. We've been to two sessions but V. confessed to me a couple of days ago that he just can't be with me anymore and wants to stay with S and just wants to breakup smoothly. He's sick of the accusations and the shouting from me. I know he still loves me and is hurt and confused. He has said that if there's a huge change in me there is a small possibility of getting back together. I'm giving him the space he's requesting.
S. on the other hand is flip flopping on wether she wants to continue as a triad or continue a monogamous relationship with V. Her emotions switch from love to hate towards me on a daily basis. I'm forcing myself to be zen and to provide her love and support at all times, even though it's very hard for me to accept that she takes no responsability whatsoever in her actions. She has had terrible episodes of jealousy when V. and I have been together...etc yet her view of the problem is that it's purely an issue between me and V., and that I'm in the way of her relationship with him. I know she has also been pressuring V. on that note.
I love them both, although deeply hurt by them I can understand S.'s feelings are from a lack of maturity (she's very young and inexperienced) and V.'s at his wit's end and just wants to disconnect in the context of a carefree new relationship he doesn't feel pressured by.
My will is to grow and become more positive. My will is to rebuild a solid triad relationship with three solid bases. Any advice on how to regain my two loves back?
Infinite thanks. L.