Sailing Solo

I got 2 group texts from Prof this morning.
I misunderstood it at first. Ms Text is going into hospice care. I took it to mean rehab and that she was getting ready to go home. He said last week he was going up there cause she was heading home.
Then the second text, he is taking a leave of absence from work to be with her. Then the penny dropped, hospice not rehab, the end must be fairly close.
I can't believe how fast it has come, she was only diagnosed in October.
It took me about an hour to reply, text seems so wrong for this type of thing, but I decided calling was not the right thing either. If he wanted to talk he would have called. A very simple, "My thoughts are with you both."
 
I PMed you NYC.

I had a little poly dream or wish. I hoped that one day Ms Text would talk to me and discover that I am not a cowgirl. I never had any designs to be Prof's one and only. I never wanted to go to neighbourhood bbqs or fundraisers, or family events with him. I have no interest in fighting over Xmas or Thanksgiving. I hoped that we could discuss some of the rules and ease back on a few like the toothbrush, leaving some jammies, not hiding teabags in the garbage, gifts, birthdays, and the occasional long weekend. That we could go to a concert without her getting upset ( we never went to one, she objected every time) or know that I am borrowing the scooter. He let me take a picture of us the other week, the first one in a year, cause that is not allowed either.
And now that will not happen. All the rules will evaporate soon but not because we negotiated change and came to some understandings but because she will be gone. I will remain the person who she wanted to veto on a fairly regular basis.
I am sad that we never worked anything out. I am sad that I will have to see Prof in a state of grief. I don't want to see changes happen because she is gone, I wanted changes to happen because it was the right thing to do.
I am nervous to go round to Prof's again, because there will be no need for panicked texts saying I forgot my whatever, can you hide it? There will be no need to hide my toothbrush at the back of the sink in the spare bathroom or push the teabags deep into the garbage. And we will both be completely aware of why.
This shouldn't be about me, but there will be changes.
I am just sad.
 
After much thought, I sent Prof a text yesterday asking him if he would like some random chit chat texts or prefer not now. He said he would "welcome the distraction." So I chatted a bit about some stuff at work. I will send some light hearted news each day.
Why? I felt that I could back away and leave him to it, but then thought that he is my "boyfriend" or "lover" or whatever word you use and if it was his brother or a another person he was with then I would keep in contact and offer support. I would do the same with for a friend or family member too. I also thought that it would be something I would like in similar circumstances. A bit of random silly and funny pop up in my messages. And of course he is free to reply or not as it suits him.


I went to see Joe last night and met his son. It went very well. I helped him with homework and then sat with Joe while he played video games. Joe later said that he liked me, so all good. My kids have an evening at school with video and pizza, I forget the term " parent's night out" or something. It was part of the school fundraising event. Joe will come up for a few hours and we can walk into town. timing is not good for sex :(

I am meeting Kip for his birthday next week. I ordered him a little something that he had mentioned before. But I suspect what he would really like is lots of birthday sex :D
 
Prof is coming round tonight, he is in town for the night. He wanted to go for dinner but I have the kids and we have been out most of the day with Roomie and his 2. We all are tired, good fun day kind of tired. I couldn't imagine trying to find a sitter and getting ready to go out.

Joe's son enjoyed meeting me and wants me to come back soon and help with his homework. :) I am glad first meeting went well and am more than happy to do homework help.

I suggested we do a Brady Bunch expedition next Saturday and gave a few ideas, Joe thinks that would be great. The kids are not all close in age but hopefully minijoe will get enjoy it.( Minijoe is the best nickname I could come up with. :rolleyes: )

Hopefully will see Kip a couple of times next week. We have both been trying to do more than one meet a week but struggling with the times. We aren't chatting much on IM anymore. I miss it and told him so. He said he can't so much as his minion is with him most of the day, hence trying to meet more FTF. I will be quiet at work due to many away for spring break and can take some time.

Apparently the job I am all keen on is already gone, they will advertise and interview because they have to legally, but a friend told me today who has taken the position. I will still apply and interview because I haven't interviewed for a job in years, so good practice and preparation for the future. And I can ask the boss for an interview review after for some pointers. Bit of shame but there it is.
 
Going to post in chronological order...
Saturday night with Prof. He came round early for him.
They are preparing Ms Text's "Escape Plan". Doesn't seem like it will be much longer from what he said. He seems ok, tired and stressed but coping.
I suggested meeting for lunch, I would come up to him, but he said he wanted to try and stick to regular Wednesday night. He said it is a break. He played with the "squids" as he calls them, for a while. He brought take-away so we ate that and talked. Watched tv and held hands, he mixed me margaritas and I was a bit tipsy. Talked about Ms. Text here and there. He asked about Joe, I said it was going well. He said I am his only sex partner right now. The others have fallen to the side. We did have some good sex. I was surprised, didn't initiate myself in anyway.
I am glad he sees me as a retreat and escape and feels comfortable and connected to enough to spend his one night in town with me. I was quite prepared not see him for an extended period of time.
It's just a strange position to be in. I would like a little rule book of what to do and how to behave under these circumstances. But I seem to be doing ok with the right and appropriate amount of contact.

Sunday, tennis and park in the am and then my other friend had another birthday event in the afternoon, so I called Joe and said want to do a group kid outing? It went really well, the kids got on great, my 2 enjoyed Minijoe and Minijoe enjoyed being the boss. We took kites, got tangled, rolled down hills and the kids wrestled for ages.

It is Kip's birthday tomorrow, he is coming to spend the day. I booked the car in for its very overdue oil change and service so took a day off. The timing was not coincidental ;) He will pick me up from the garage and spend the day together. I have made him a chocolate whiskey mousse. He loves mousse. And got him a little gift.

I am seeing Joe again on Friday, we are both taking the afternoon off. I am going a bit crazy this week!

Prof on Wednesday and if he can't make it, will work hard on class.

I am picking away at class this week , I had a nice break from that the week before as they were on spring break, Would be nice if everyone could coordinate the same vacation time!
 
I had a simply lovely day with Kip.
I felt we needed a little more time to reconnect and hang out and we had it today.
He was genuinely thrilled with his birthday gift and loved the mousse too. He picked me up, we had great sex, tea and mousse, more sex, lunch and he took me back for my car.
I told him over lunch that I missed him being on IM and being available for advice. He said he knew there was less chat but again said it was due to his minion being around, and that he missed it too, but to ping or email and he will get back to me.
I did get some good advice on the divorce and job situation. He is a smart man and I value his input. I was pretty much prepared to sign over a lot to the ex yesterday just to get done with him. Kip said run it past a lawyer first. One hour for a consult should give me all the answers. Dad said the same, friend said sign while ex is being cooperative. I needed a swing vote :) I have a call in to the lawyer for an appointment.
 
Prof couldn't make it Wednesday, no surprise really. He is back in town for the weekend. I have offered to make him dinner, he said he has been eating take-away or restaurant food every night. I know he enjoys a home cooked meal.
I have been cooking for everyone this week. I have the time to think about recipes and make special trips to the shops to pick up ingredients. Last night the kids and I made cupcakes and I made a batch of snickerdoodles for Joe. I hate butter cookies so was expecting them to be similar , but was pleasantly surprised. I am making some things for lunch on Monday with the girls, then back to whining and moaning every time I set foot in the kitchen.
I saw Joe and Minijoe on Wednesday night. Minijoe made me mac and cheese for dinner.
Joe asked if I want to do a kid trip on Saturday, so we are going to a state park with caves and there may be some bats. My 2 are excited. We did the same hike a few years ago, or was it this time last year? and I ended up carrying the little one the last mile or so back to the car after a little fall. Hopefully we will all make it under our own steam.
This is what I wanted from a relationship, someone to do this type of thing with. Pick a destination and go do it. I have lots of things we can do. yes, we can an do go by ourselves but it is just more fun with someone else and an extra pairs of eyes!
I really need to try and round up some camping gear. I have all sorts of offers of bits and pieces but never actually get my hands on them. It would be fun to try and do some camping with Roomie and his 2.
 
Speaking of which my best friend has been saying that we don't see each other so much anymore. We used to do Saturday trips with the kids every weekend until she changed shifts at work. We still do cups of tea and play dates with kids, I made her lunch this week, but not the big blocks of time we had. So she is changing her work schedule to week days only so we can go back to that and then she still has Sundays to do family stuff.
Making time so relationships work. I am glad. I miss her too.
 
The trip with Joe and Minijoe didn't exactly work out, they went to the wrong entrance and there is no connection across the park and of course no phone signal. But my 2 and I had fun. Did the loop twice so we could go back through the caves with flashlights. Had our snacks, climbed rocks and got an ice cream.
I was pretty wiped when we got home, gym in the morning and then lots of walking up steep hills and climbing stairs plus a longish drive, but I had offered to make Prof dinner, so I did.

Ms Text update is that she was on 72 hours at the beginning of the week but has rallied somewhat. All her family has arrived.

Interesting moments with Prof about how he is coping. He said he is trying to disconnect a little emotionally. He believes that if you spend too much time with someone who is dying then when they go a part of your spirit goes with them. I said that is one philosophy, he said no, that is what happens, some of your spirit dies with them. I let that drop.
I don't believe in spirits and souls and the like, I believe in the memories and feelings and particularly words that loved ones leave behind.

He said he really enjoyed dinner, he pretty much did the sauce and a salad dressing, he likes cooking. It was veggie heaven, stuffed peppers, fresh artichoke, veggie pasta and salad. And said he was glad that he had someone who cared enough to cook and watch classic sci-fi with. We kissed, cuddled and talked for a while in bed till I fell asleep and then he left.
No idea when I'll see him next, his brother is coming for a couple of days. Lots of time in the city and popping back to take care of his business. He is still on leave from his salaried job.

Kip has a coffee date tomorrow. Good for him. I find myself quite happily not all that interested in what he is doing in the dating world. I still doubt he is being totally truthful. As long as I take care of my health, he can do what he likes.

I did get some basic STD tests run. All clear.
 
I am little frustrated with the ex. He has cancelled every night with this kids this week and the weekend. On the plus side he has cancelled and not just flaking.
Makes it hard when there is a little NRE going on :( with Joe. Our next kid free meeting is May 2nd. I asked Joe what his meeting time expectations were, he said he has no expectations and would like to see me as much as possible. We web cammed a bit and chatted, we are doing so most night after the kids go to bed.
I am frustrated again by the need to schedule. I get so sick of it. He said that although he said he doesn't schedule much he actually really does and needs to.
He came up with a couple of creative solutions to meeting such as having a sitter for all the kids at my place and me staying down there on kid free weekends, he is happy for me to do that as I get on well with Minijoe. There is no problem seeing each other at the weekend with kids in tow, just getting alone adult time is challenging.
I sent Prof a text last night saying I would be home with kids on Weds. I think he has too much going this week to see me but I didn't want him to be trying to make it work if I couldn't go out anyway.
Not much with Kip, bit of random chat. I think the NRE has well and truly worn off there. I do try to keep in my mind that he is busy at work and he has told me that.
 
I saw Kip on Wednesday. Fun as always.
I saw Joe last night. Ex took the kids and is taking them tonight too. Joe stayed for a whole 1 hour 40 minutes. We spent it all naked :) He messaged later saying he hoped I didn't think he saw me only for the sex. I said, no, we chat all day and actual kid free time is best used in bed :D He agreed. He wants to do something with the kids on Saturday, I am not in the mood to plan and told him so. If he wants to come up with something that is fine. Not like the kids will stay at home practicing the harpsichord and embroidering quietly.
He said he would like to plan a weekend away during the summer and actually sent me a link of the hotel that he wants to stay in. Very nice! Bit outside my budget range for sure. Very nice to see some enthusiastic follow through.
I think I am seeing Prof tonight. I texted him when I knew I had a kid free night. I would not be surprised if he doesn't make it but wanted to make the effort. We haven't been out in weeks, just him coming round here for a few hours. I could do with an overnight at his place, change of scenery and all.
Class starts again this weekend and as I am slammed at work I will not be able to get much done in the daytime. My lovely men will need to understand that I might be fairly unavailable for the next month.
I was looking at local concert events over the summer, we have a super little outdoor venue nearby in the mountains. Last year I got a whole lot of "let me see" and "let me think about it" responses to suggestions and nver went to see anything. This year I am going even if by myself! I was browsing the list and saw 2 of my all time favorites. I know Prof loves one and my friend is a big fan of the other. So I shot out some texts and surprise! Prof said book it. Considering I have had 0% luck getting him to go to a single concert before that was a big surprise. Even if he flakes I might get Roomie to go or by myself, I really don't care, I am not missing it.
 
5 minutes before Prof was due to arrive, I noticed that my second piggie had passed. Many tears. My friend works in a vet hospital and said she would take him for a group cremation. I was all geared up to go and get him a piggy friend today, I had spotted a couple of likely candidates at a local shelter. No more piggies for a while. My heart gets ripped apart every time. They/he lived in the living room so an integral part of daily life.
I nearly cancelled Prof, seemed awful for me to be crying over piggies while Ms Text is slowly escaping. But he was very understanding, he was fond of both piggies and we talked about grief over dinner.
Ms Text is pretty much sleeping constantly, wakes for very short periods. She says she is ready to escape.
We both got a bit drunk and talked and fucked. He said he hasn't seen Ms Admin for ages, Ms S is has been friend-zoned and Ms B has got a regular partner. It's just me right now.
He talked about wanting to do the swap with his friend and her partner, maybe make it regular, said he didn't want to do the swing scene as such. I agreed, I don't feel like doing that either.
Kind of weird talking about a future that isn't full of restrictions. I don't know how things are going to change. I don't really want much change. Things are pretty much fine as they are minus the rules and regulations. I have no desire to be up-graded to main partner.
He stayed with me last night. it was nice and we woke up and had more sex. Tea and chat and then he left.
Might see Joe and Minijoe this afternoon. I am feeling a little tired, but we are doggy sitting for a week and need to go walkies, might as well combine the kids.
Still IMing with Joe a lot.
I am a little nervous about how things are "progressing." We were chatting about our little cities this morning and I was saying how mine is so much better and everyone wants to live here, teasing banter. He lives in one of the best cities in the area, moving here would be a definite downgrade.
He said he would "Like to move closer to you but the commute would be hell." Move closer????????? after 2 months???????? Oh crap. I let it slide and continued with city slamming. The dude has a lot of NRE going on. I do too, to some degree, but I recognise it for what it is and am trying not to let it impact or get carried away. He is definitely getting into it and enjoying it. :rolleyes:
 
He said he would "Like to move closer to you but the commute would be hell." Move closer????????? after 2 months???????? Oh crap . . . The dude has a lot of NRE going on.

Oh well, either you or life will slap him back into reality when the time is right. For now, enjoy being with him but be careful about saying anything too encouraging along those lines.

It sounds like your life has been going along rather nicely lately,and it's been a pleasure to read.

Sorry about your piggie, though. :(
 
HI NYC, yes things are sailing along quite smoothly.
I made some changes to my behaviour after the various bumpy waves that occurred around Christmas and acknowledged my role in it all.
Oddly enough they are around communicating less as has been advised a few times on here. As a hinge, I am sharing very little about Prof and Kip to each other. Just general "doing fine". It seems to be working as Kip asked if we could do another mfm with Prof. I said no, we are not going down that path again. Kip gave various reasons why things are all settled and there wouldn't be any issues, I said no. I am fairly sure that his jealousy has abated because I am not talking about Prof in the relationship sense at all, only the whens and wheres. I am certain that being in the same room would kick off all the insecurities again. And Kip still brings it up, why he was unhappy with scene and how he doesn't like Prof having more time with me.
Funny that Prof brought up the mfm again on Friday night too in the context of the possible partner swap. Bearing in my mind that I was pretty drunk, my memory of it is that he enjoyed seeing me enjoy the mfm, would like to experiment with a known partner pair but might have issues seeing me in a real swinger type environment, like a club. He said he didn't know why that attitude had changed since the mfm. I said something like we hadn't been seeing each other very long at that point so there weren't any issues with sharing. His response was something along the lines of it was fun with a known partner because it wasn't "sport fucking." I was mixing a margarita at the time so was trying to focus on that :rolleyes:

The pair of them are really trying to dig for info on my dating life with Joe and I am not giving out much more info than the activities and condom use.
I am feeling there is a little quid pro quo mentally with the pair of them. They are giving me all kinds of unasked for details in the hopes that I will spill about Joe and each other. Prof's has told me both times recently that I am the only person he is seeing, Kip is saying the same, he is only seeing me, but giving details about his chats and the coffee meet. Little ironic as only a few months ago I was concerned about their seemingly very active sex lives.
I have been following Mags thread about her concerns with Ginger. I get it. I was worried about being out of the loop but yet too much information was overwhelming, there was another and another and another. Finding my internal balance has taken a while. I am am accepting that how they run their sex lives is different to me. I suspect Prof might go a little crazy once Ms Text escapes. Interesting to see if I maintain the calm in the face of a potential dating frenzy. His recent disclosure about not wanting to participate in "sport fucking" is interesting.
The "dont' ask much and don't tell much" is different with Ms Text in the sense that she is no longer my active metamour as such, but my lover's lover who is dying. We don't discuss their relationship per se but more the practicalities of dealing with grief, loved one's families, and the hospice experience. Does that make sense? So we talk about her, but no longer is the focus on why she wants to veto me or her various problems with Prof's other partners.
 
I received a group text. Ms Text passed this evening.
My response was...

...... has found her successful escape. My thoughts are with you all tonight.

I don't know what else to say. Prof and Ms Text and the family wanted the last few days to be a celebration and not filled with sadness. I know he did not want to hear 'Sorry for your loss," or "deepest condolences".

I hope this is an ok reply.

But I am sorry for the loss. I know he loves her dearly.
 
I did not see Kip this week. He said he is not doing well at work and was in a generally crappy mood. He is having a work sponsored vacation coming up soon and is feeling even more pressure as he will be gone for nearly 2 weeks. I am feeling very little sympathy about paid-for tropical vacations being inconvenient.

I got a brief text from Prof last night. He is back in town and "returning slowly."
I haven't messaged him at all since Tuesday, figure he needs space and time.
I am kid free tomorrow night so might see him then.

I had great fun with Joe at the comedy night. We did a combo babysit at my place. I paid the regular amount for my 2 and ask Joe to kick in extra for the plus 1. So she got paid very well, totally worth it my opinion, and fairly sure she will agree to do 3 again.
We were making out like teenagers in the car after. The irony of it, 2 adults with their own homes and no where to have sex. We tried to get into position in his car, but no way. Was fun trying :p

My 2 are having a night with their aunt and cousins at a local hotel. So I get a bonus free night and plan to spend it with Joe at his place. I am kind of not looking forward to it. I had a bad night with critters and kids waking me up, tired this morning, and Joe is a snorer, has one of those breathing machines and the memory foam mattress. But we have spent only one night together in 2 months and he has been asking.
Might try to have a nap this afternoon.
 
No bonus night last night. The ex made up the story of the hotel invitation. Whilst Ex thought it would be a great idea, his sister never said anything of the sort and they had never discussed it, the conversation he said they had was a complete fabrication. After persuading the oldest that it would be a fun experience to take a suitcase and watch movies, I had to back pedal and say daddy had made a mistake. The little one had tears. I have promised to round up camping gear today and book a local site for a test camp.
I had to cancel Joe, I was embarrassed, but he was very understanding.

Prof had been texting off and on all day and said he would come round and watch tv for a bit. He turned up late, I was pretty much asleep already, we chatted a bit, I fell asleep on the sofa. I said he could stay if he wanted but he said he was socializing in small doses and an hour was fine. We are meeting today for lunch and he will let me try to put his tent in his garden. I need something that I can manage alone.

The lack of sex is disturbing, May the 4th be with you.
 
Focusing on Prof...
We met Sunday for brunch, checkout the tent and a quick fuck. Didn't talk about Ms. Text much at all. Just that he is trying to return to normal very slowly. I was surprised about the sex, but he initiated so I responded :)

Saw him last night for a movie, first time at the cinema together ever, then some food and chat and back to mine to watch tv ( more screen time but whatever ) and he stayed the night and slept the whole night.

There was actually a lot of talk between the start of the movie, eating and then bed time. I did my usual blethering about the kids and what I was up to and planning. Rather bizarre part is that Prof wants to get involved.

As we know getting him to commit to anything is nigh on impossible due to the rules, so to actually have him ask to join in instead of me asking and getting the brush of is extremely peculiar. He wants to join us camping in the summer. I was like "really?" :rolleyes:. 2 small kids and lots of dirt? I was incredulous to his face. He is all keen to join for at least a few days.

I changed my home phone and number so I could save some more money for my "rum drink in coconut shell" vacation. He is all keen to go to Hawaii, might even pay???? He has a weekend trip out of state this weekend, wanted me to go with him. I have kids and Joe so said no, he wants to book something for the weekend after. I said do it.

My 2 are interested in becoming ninjas and I have been discussing my search for something that I can afford for the 2 of them to do. Prof used to do Aikido, and just sent me an email, as in email with more than 2 sentences!!!!! with links for local dojos, little story about his Aikido experience and would the kids and I like to go and watch him take a class. ????? He hasn't done Aikido for years and seems suddenly keen to get back into it. He also found a 4 day intro thing over the summer which is not too pricey. So he has spent time looking into this for us.

There were a lot more little moments too, a more insecure side that I rarely get to see. Almost a little, "Can you take care of me and can I join in?

What are we getting from this? Some clutching at straws? Major partner replacement? Freed from the rules so able to join in as he has always wanted too? Probably all of the above to some degree.
I think I am providing constant and familiar.

It is somewhat overwhelming for me. I am used to us discussing plans that rarely overlap. To actually have him want to participate and for me to join him is not what we do.

There were 5 outright asks and one implied. As always, I will carry on and do what I have planned and if he wants to join then is welcome, and if he doesn't then nothing new. I will see if he actually arranges something for next weekend.
 
What are we getting from this? Some clutching at straws? Major partner replacement? Freed from the rules so able to join in as he has always wanted too? Probably all of the above to some degree.
I think I am providing constant and familiar.
And probably some comfort and distraction from the pain and grief.
 
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