BrigidsDaughter
New member
First of all, I know it must be really hard for you to deal with this from so far away. Secondly, I'd say that the first thing you should do when you get home is sit her down and tell her that regardless of where her relationship with the ex boyfriend/ FWB goes, the lying has to end. Fairly early on in my relationship with Runic Wolf, I'd find myself getting caught in white lies or lies by omission that I hadn't even realized I was giving. It hurt him immensely; he was on the verge of leaving me a couple of times and I didn't know he was thinking about it until he confronted me and then I didn't understand why he thought I wasn't being honest with him, because I thought I was. So, why did I "lie"? Why did I leave things out? Honestly, I don't know all of the reasons but here are a few: I didn't want to hurt him; I wanted a little privacy in my relationship (being an exhibitionist by nature, this was hard for me to understand and especially hard for me to express) and here he was wanting to know every detail; we had different definitions of fooling around, sex, etc., and finally I would come home from taking Wendigo home and have a conversation with Runic Wolf and he'd respond and the next day he'd accuse me of not telling him something.... it literally took me 9 months to realize he wasn't really awake during our talks. (I will blame the NRE for that one)
You not being there makes it easy for her to separate the relationships and depending on your usual pattern of communication while you are gone, she may not even realize that she's doing anything that could hurt you. Maybe military families have relationships outside their marriage (we did for years) but the depth and scope of those relationships vary. Maybe her timing sucked; maybe you need to be able to sit down and have this conversation face to face in order for her to see your pain. Either way, I wish you all the best.
And thank you for your service. My brother recently returned to Misawa, Japan from Iraq and will be coming back stateside in a couple weeks.
You not being there makes it easy for her to separate the relationships and depending on your usual pattern of communication while you are gone, she may not even realize that she's doing anything that could hurt you. Maybe military families have relationships outside their marriage (we did for years) but the depth and scope of those relationships vary. Maybe her timing sucked; maybe you need to be able to sit down and have this conversation face to face in order for her to see your pain. Either way, I wish you all the best.
And thank you for your service. My brother recently returned to Misawa, Japan from Iraq and will be coming back stateside in a couple weeks.