Hello and yay for community!

wunderful

New member
Hi there,

I’ve been reading a few thing so on here on and off for a while, but have finally gotten around to registering and want to say hello. It’s made such a difference to find this forum, and discover that phew I’m not alone and more often then not I’m not doing so bad after all, with what I’m navigating! (Must say I have had a few ahah moments tho!)

Living in sunny Australia, with an amazing husband, two beautiful kids and two gorgeous puppies. My husband currently has a partner; we were all in a triad (within the last 2 years) with his current partner, but it is working out so much better this way. After two years of on and off and in and out of a non-monogamous situation, it feels so wonderful and expansive to be consciously making the decision myself to choose a polyamorous lifestyle. Reading books, finding forums and podcasts have really helped me a) not feel alone and b) equip myself, learn, grow to navigate this amazing space, and to really feel excited about the future.

I’m looking forward to being part of the community here, and already appreciate a lot of what I’ve read!
 
Hi wunderful - and welcome to the Forum! Sounds like you're off to a good start in poly - we will look forward to hearing more of your story. Best of luck on your poly journey! Al
 
Greetings wunderful,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I'm glad to hear that you have found Polyamory.com helpful so far. Good to meet you, I'm glad you registered and posted your intro. I take it you are in a V configuration? that was a triad in the beginning? In any case, you'll be a welcome addition here and if you have any questions, just let us know. We'll be glad to help!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Apologies, but I am seeing some standard "self-convincing" monologue here

I’m not doing so bad after all, with what I’m navigating! (Must say I have had a few ahah moments tho!)
Could you tell us more about those "moments"?

My husband currently has a partner; we were all in a triad (within the last 2 years) with his current partner, but it is working out so much better this way.
And which "way" would THAT be?

consciously making the decision myself to choose a polyamorous lifestyle.
Are you actually? or are you attached to someone who is non-monogamous, & "making the best of it"?
 
Welcome, Wunderful!

I'm new, too. :) I'm a little confused on the triad part. Is it the same partner? And were the two of you previously intimate but now that the partner is just with your husband, that's working better? Or did I misunderstand?

Also, Ravenscroft raises some good points. I think I would feel a little surprised by that response if it were me, but try to give it consideration.
 
Good questions. I haven’t quite gotten the hang of quotes etc but I’m answer to your questions Ravenscroft and serenityruler:

I tried to keep my intro short and succinct but seeing as you have asked....

Husband and I went through dark spot 2 years ago, he met someone else, had affair, we nearly split up, I went through some soul searching and started some metamorphosis, he came to me and completely opened up about what he had done, and asked that he could put it right and that we could try again (had been married 12years at that point). I said yes. We then began the long road to rebuilding trust, with an openness and honesty we had never truly had prior to this. The person he had the affair with called out with an sos and was suicidal, only days after we started to work together again. Together, husband and I hopped on plane and flew to be with her and hold her for 2 amazing but difficult days. From that moment on she was part of our lives, but we didn’t contemplate polyamory for another 3-4 months. My husband and I continued to work on ourselves and each other until we got to the point where he was able to start his relationship again with this woman. In the meantime she had become a close family friend.
About a month later she and I fell for each other. Enter triad.

Some of those aha moments on here include reading about NRE and realising how much we rushed into things and forced things to be a certain way without just allowing it to be whatever it needed to be. From all angles. Mine, husbands, and hers. We moved in together (With husband and my kids). It did not work. And I definitely take ownership of my own shit in there. Even though there were some amazing moments. We also went through some super difficult times. She moved out about 12months after she’d moved in, and I had lots of being in and out of relationship with her during that time. In the end I had to step back completely. I have lost a lot of trust and she no longer has contact with our children, although just recently we have had the occasional coffee together in an effort to rebuild our friendship. I don’t know if it’s possible, just waiting that one out.
I am finding this way is better because I don’t get pulled down in all the shitty moments, I am more detached from quite an emotionally volatile person, and husband can make his own decisions in that regard. Husband and I keep pulling through the different situations that come up, and while some might be difficult, we communicate and I feel like there is so much growth there between us. While I miss the good times when we were all together, the bad times were so often that this feels much freer.

However the whole process has been amazing and I wouldn’t change a thing, except perhaps for us to have been all able to work through and all own our own shit a little sooner!

So yes now it is a V. But I also am aware of an excitement myself about venturing out and finding my own partner or partners too. It’s kind of neat. 😁 I don’t know if I am inherently ‘poly’ or not, but rather than be defined by that label, I’m feeling so good about just letting that be, and seeing where life takes me!
I suspect my husbands partner/my ex? (that sounds funny putting it like that)/my metamour isn’t 100% set on poly, but then again maybe she is. It’s certainly an interesting journey, your metamour being someone that you know pretty darn well. Hopefully it means I can pre-empt with any potential issues that might come up for her.

Well, I possibly gave waaaaaay more info than you asked for! 😂😂 Having just read the chapter on communication from More Than Two I felt like it was better to just be out with it than to have to force you to draw lines (nothing more frustrating IMO!)
 
Back
Top