Hi. I've been in the same relationship for 9 years. Recently, my spouse told me she wanted both of us to have the freedom to hook up others people. Well i really didn't mind the idea of a random hookup but was brothered by the idea of her being with someone more then once and making plans to see people.
I have explained that i am not against the idea in general but b/c of our history and where we are in rebuilding our relationship and individuals selfs after a long period of struggle im not ready to be comfortable with that type of thing.
She has agreed that doing things that knowingly hurts the other person is toxic to our relationship. She or I can make those choices but it has been acknowledged that doing so would be harmful to our relationship.
Anyway, the thing is she wants to go out on a date with someone because she says it will help her figure out how she feels. It is hard not to feel that her decesion to do so controdicts her telling me she is willing to go at my pace and not do that sort of thing until we work on some other stuff. It make me feel like when she asserts that she is sure im the one she wants to be with that she is being less then honest. I also cant see myself knowingly doing something that would hurt her and enjoying it and have trouble not dwelling on these thoughts
The road to our current understanding has been a little rocky so its possible that the agruements we had are pushing her in the direction she wants to go. Still i know she feels bad about making a choice that hurts me. I'd just like your feed back. Is there something in here that i maybe missing? Words of advice? Anything? Thanks
I have explained that i am not against the idea in general but b/c of our history and where we are in rebuilding our relationship and individuals selfs after a long period of struggle im not ready to be comfortable with that type of thing.
She has agreed that doing things that knowingly hurts the other person is toxic to our relationship. She or I can make those choices but it has been acknowledged that doing so would be harmful to our relationship.
Anyway, the thing is she wants to go out on a date with someone because she says it will help her figure out how she feels. It is hard not to feel that her decesion to do so controdicts her telling me she is willing to go at my pace and not do that sort of thing until we work on some other stuff. It make me feel like when she asserts that she is sure im the one she wants to be with that she is being less then honest. I also cant see myself knowingly doing something that would hurt her and enjoying it and have trouble not dwelling on these thoughts
The road to our current understanding has been a little rocky so its possible that the agruements we had are pushing her in the direction she wants to go. Still i know she feels bad about making a choice that hurts me. I'd just like your feed back. Is there something in here that i maybe missing? Words of advice? Anything? Thanks