If you are feeling suicidal, please call a hotline or 911 or go check yourself in to the ER. There is only so much Internet people can do to help.
You may have to accept that while you want your wife the most on bad days, she may not be equipped. What you might also need is professionals to help look after you when you are in the "danger zone." Not just her alone.
I don't ask her to stay when she has plans with him, because I don't want her to miss out on having fun...
Ok. Fair enough.
Does that go with you having an expectation that when she is home she is to spend her time attending to you and your conditions? She cannot have down time at home to be by herself? Cannot have phone/online dates with him? Only in person ones?
...I can't imagine myself going out to have a good time while she was home feeling like shit and thinking about killing herself.
She's supposed to magically know you are this poorly? Do you expect mind reader-ing?
Do you have a written suicide safety plan she is aware of? That lists what each of you is supposed to do? If not, you could draft one with a therapist that suits your needs/condition(s). There are templates online.
Ultimately your healthcare and health management is up to YOU, not her. She cannot be your life preserver or life raft, always buoying you up.
Thinking about how she clearly can go out and have a good time while I wouldn't even consider it pisses me off and makes me resentful towards her.
Why? You say you are happy for her to go out. Then you say you are not.
Do you resent
her?
Or do you envy that she isn't bound by this illness like you are at this time?
I think your illness is making you self-oriented. Which sometimes happens with depression.
I watch it in my father... his world sorta "shrinks" and he wants to coop my mom up in there with him. She on the other hand, needs to be able to get out and away from his conditions sometimes for breaks so HER mental health can remain ok. Otherwise SHE gets resentful of him as the patient. Resentments can form in both directions in these situations.
When I tell her I'm not feeling good she tells me to cheer up, and when I don't instantly do so she gets frustrated and tells me how hard my depression is making her life, which makes me feel even worse.
I can imagine it is hard on you. It sounds like the condition(s) ALSO take a toll on your wife. Just in a different way that you.
I encourage you both to get professional help and support. Talk to your partner about managing this in a way were BOTH of you get more of what you need.
I can imagine it is challenging.
Hang in there ok? Please take care of you.
Galagirl