Coming out

Oh, I agree that the Bible isn't my first/best choice. I only suggest that if religious objections are brought into play. The Bible won't help with gay or bisexual... but it absolutely can help with poly (even if, in it's shortsightedness, it is limited, as mentioned by kdt, to various variations on polygyny).
 
Saying you're gay first and bisexual second, sounds to me like someone saying, "I'm a vegetarian, but I sometimes eat meat." Ummm, wait, what???

So, please don't be offended if a lot of people are confused. They'll also probably read what you said to me, "I love my wife, but in a non sexual way." So you probably will NEVER get any other female interest. Which may be what you want. But, again, don't be offended if a woman ever rejects you. She's probably just wholly confused :)
 
So you probably will NEVER get any other female interest.

I expect there are many people out there who have this black and white view of sexuality. Those folks, who don't understand that sexuality is a spectrum, might have follow up questions or they may just throw up their hands in confusion as you've described.

Honestly, I don't think that's a big loss. Kind of weeding out the ones worth engaging and the ones that should be discarded.
 
The issue I see in leading with the idea that you are gay is that people will mistakenly jump to the conclusion that you and your wife are headed for a break up. As Marcus pointed out, people often see sexuality in very black and white terms.

I can tell that reaching the conclusion that you lean more towards the gay end of the spectrum was both liberating and a relief. Awesome!

But I guess the thing I would consider in telling your dad is what message do you want to give? The truth that you and your wife are still tight, marriage not in trouble, AND you have added a bf?

Or is it more important to communicate your self-identity?

You may be able to do both, but it's a helluva lot harder than picking just one message.
 
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Good luck!
 
Hang tight today. My fingers are crossed!
 
Best of luck! I "came out" to my mom last year (partly because we have a negative history, so I get perverse joy out of telling her things that I know will drive her crazy now that she can't do anything about how I live my life), and she still doesn't quite get it. I came out to my dad just a couple weeks ago, and he didn't seem too pleased, but the only concern he voiced was whether Hubby and my kids knew. (He wanted to make sure Hubby did know; he wanted to make sure the kids *didn't*. Though my older one does.)
 
Tell us how that goes! [fingers crossed]
 
It is about sex!

...he seemed to think it was all about sex which its not we have a relationship and care for each other we arent swingers.

It is incorrect to say it isn't about sex IMO. I know you mean to say it is both about sex and relationship but it seems too many polys are saying it isn't about sex. If it isn't about sex, you know that you could just have friendship only with the other people you are having sex with.

This bs about poly not being about sex should stop IMO. It is, IMO.
 
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If poly is always about sex, how do you explain the asexual folks who are in poly relationships?

The intention of polyamory is to form LOVING relationships with more than one person. Sex does not have to be part of it, nor is it part of all polyamorous relationships. And people who choose to live a polyamorous lifestyle are not necessarily choosing to do so in order to have more sex. They're choosing to do so to have more *love*.
 
Poly, unless in an asexual contect, is usually ALSO about sex or sexuality - and love. Saying poly is about love but NOT sex makes no sense; in these matters, for sexual beeings in love, sex and expressions of sexuality IS love.

I had an emotional affair four to five years with a man I hardly ever kissed, because I did not want to hurt people around me (namely my husband, his life in girfriend and myself), it was highly sexual even though we did not sleep together even once, I remember I was so turned on by him I could come just by listening to his voice...
 
Norwegian, I agree it *can* be that way. But it isn't always.

Aside from asexuality, there are those who mentally or emotionally separate sex from love; sex is an expression solely of physical desire, not of love.

For those who have sex with the people they love, yes, polyamory would also be about sex, but by that logic, so is monogamy.
 
I think of polyamory as romantic. Sex is usually (not always) a part of it, but more importantly, poly partners are deeply emotionally involved with each other. They are emotionally intimate. I use this language to distinguish poly from, say, how you feel about your kids or platonic friends.
 
If poly is always about sex, how do you explain the asexual folks who are in poly relationships?

Easy. First,they aren't really polys in my book. Differmt, unusual, messed up, perhaps so. Second, society hates on polys on the basis that we are everything they hate, including pervs, so this is a good albeit dishonest retort to shut them up.

But this is just opinion and I very much appreciate your view as well. One thing is that some have different defs so with your defs and your examples you can say that.
 
... for sexual beeings in love, sex and expressions of sexuality IS love.

That is a pretty sweeping statement - do you have data to back that generalization up? Other than your own anecdotal "evidence"? I have my own anecdotes that contradict your statement (speaking as a sexual "beeing"). Are my anecdotes any less valid than yours? I didn't think so (The plural of anecdote =/= "data".). Sex =/= love in my book and vice versa. Sometimes those occur together (great!) and sometimes not (Also good!).

Easy. First,they aren't really polys in my book. Differmt, unusual, messed up, perhaps so.
You wrote a book? Making you the definitive authority on "real polys"? Maybe you are the one that is "differmt":eek:...(Not really, I expect many people agree with you...just like many people agree that "real marriage" can only be between one man and one woman...)

Seriously though...(all pedanticness aside) I would strongly consider widening your viewpoint a bit.
 
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Seriously though...(all pedanticness aside) I would strongly consider widening your viewpoint a bit.

Jane thanks for your comment. Well, I think it comes down to the definitions one assumes for "love" and "poly". Keep in mind the greeks had what 4 different kinds of love? So sure if love and poly are defined broadly enough people can love each other and be in a poly asexual relationships. But we have to go with the most meaningful uses of these words. And I think if we do that you would start to agree with what I'm saying. I know it is retarded to say love is between a man an women but if you broaden the words too far we are just nutballs. Why do that when we can counteract attacks against us on the merits of the notion that monogamy is sortta well, dumb.
 
... but if you broaden the words too far we are just nutballs. Why do that when we can counteract attacks against us on the merits of the notion that monogamy is sortta well, dumb.

Huh? Please expand on this for me, because I honestly have no idea what argument you are trying to make.

I have no issue with monogamy, for those that it works for - excellent for them!

I, personally, ID as poly, always have, even actually before the word technically existed. (Huge Heinlein fan, here!) I've had a few of my emotionally-but-not-physically-intimate partners argue over the years that if my occasional-FBW-partners "counted" as poly (which many people would dispute) then they should too. Fine. If someone wants to include themselves in my "poly-network" then I won't exclude them. I, for myself, don't care whether my relationships "count" as poly or not - I only care whether they are positive experiences for me and the other person involved.
 
Why do that when we can counteract attacks against us on the merits of the notion that monogamy is sortta well, dumb.

I'm not sure who you think is attacking 'us' (nor who 'us' is in any case). However. I have a fairly simple approach to such matters. You think monogamy is dumb? Don't be a monogamist. You think gay marriage is dumb? Don't marry a gay. You think my beliefs are dumb? Don't share my beliefs.

One of the nicer things about life is we don't all have to do/say/think the same. One of the shittier things in life is that some people think they have the right to push their doings/sayings/thinkings upon others, because they are better doings/sayings/thinkings.

With respect, I see you feeling pissed off and angry that there is a 'them' attacking an 'us' that you feel a part of. Presumably them monos attacking us polys, trying to make you feel inferior or less-than in some way. And your response to that is what exactly? To try to say that their way is 'dumb'. You might want to reflect on that a little.
 
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