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  #1  
Old 03-25-2013, 02:29 AM
crisplove crisplove is offline
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Default Mono submissive, new to poly

Hmmm, where to begin?

I've spent the past week reading through posts on the site, specifically Mono's success in poly thread.

I find myself in a poly relationship.

I'm very mono. I had no idea how mono I was until I started down this road.

About a month ago I started a relationship with a man who is poly. I met his primary. We've hung out together as a "family". She says she's okay with all of this, but I have these bouts of jealousy (??).

I like her a lot. We can be great friends. I don't begrudge her relationship with him. It's just that I want him. I want to wake up next to him. I want to be with him when I know I can't. We are in the same circle of friends. To their circle, they are a couple and he is not out as poly.

Yesterday, they went to a party together. A party which I probably would have been at had I not been so busy. My friends were there and they were there as a couple.

Had I been there, how would that have worked? Would he have hung out with her the whole time and left me hanging? Would I have been a third wheel?

We were out one night (all 3 of us) and met one of her friends and it was cool. I was fine with the whole thing.

But my circle is a different story. I don't want to be known as the "other woman" in my own circle of friends. Sigh:-(

Help!
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  #2  
Old 03-25-2013, 02:42 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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What would you like for help?
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  #3  
Old 03-25-2013, 03:05 AM
crisplove crisplove is offline
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Loving Radiance, my first question would be, how do I introduce him in my world?

I want to introduce him as we are seeing each other. I want to be able to hang out with him. I want him to know my friends and I want them to know him.

How do I introduce him in a way that honors our relationship and honors his existing relationship?

Keep in mind that I'm certain that they will see him out with C as they are in the established relationship.
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:09 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crisplove View Post
Yesterday, they went to a party together. A party which I probably would have been at had I not been so busy. My friends were there and they were there as a couple.
These are questions that can only be answered by talking to them.

When I'm out with my husband and girlfriend, it's a challenge to share myself equally. Since I'm in a little bit different situation (my husband is only home 4-6 days a month), I tend to give him the lion's share of my attention. My girlfriend understands my situation and is accepting of that, which doesn't mean it doesn't hurt her feelings sometimes, just that she deals with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by crisplove View Post
Loving Radiance, my first question would be, how do I introduce him in my world?
"Hello, World. I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Rick. Rick, meet my friend, World."

Quote:
I want to introduce him as we are seeing each other. I want to be able to hang out with him. I want him to know my friends and I want them to know him.
Is there something preventing that? Has he asked you to keep your relationship a secret? If so, is that something you're willing to live with? If not, do you have any room to negotiate a different arrangement?

Quote:
How do I introduce him in a way that honors our relationship and honors his existing relationship?
"Hello, World. I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Rick and his girlfriend Cindy. Rick, Cindy, meet my friend, World."

I personally don't use the labels "primary" and "secondary" so I, myself, wouldn't introduce her as his primary. If they feel the need to make that hierarchy clear to your friends, let them worry about how to do that.
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  #5  
Old 03-25-2013, 04:32 AM
crisplove crisplove is offline
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Quote:
"Hello, World. I'd like you to meet my boyfriend Rick and his girlfriend Cindy. Rick, Cindy, meet my friend, World."
That would be simple if we were in a poly world.

None of us are ready to be introduced that way. He isn't "out" to his friends. She wants to get married and in some conversations we've had has mentioned that this is just sex. And I am brand new to ALL of this.

So, is there a step before the introduction?
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Old 03-25-2013, 04:37 AM
Nox Nox is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crisplove View Post
That would be simple if we were in a poly world.

None of us are ready to be introduced that way. He isn't "out" to his friends. She wants to get married and in some conversations we've had has mentioned that this is just sex. And I am brand new to ALL of this.

So, is there a step before the introduction?
This is all new to me too, so feel free to ignore it

It seems you should do whatever makes you comfortable. If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't. Things can change. You can get more used to it. But there's no need to force things.
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