SlowPoly
Active member
Here I am, successfully, blissfully polyamorous, with little specific help to offer and even less need for support. I registered in order to post a sort of testimony to the sustainability of yet another shape of poly.
My two life partners don't know each other, but they've known about each other as long as I've known both of them (over twenty years). W is my co-parent, and we had many years of de facto monogamy, co-habitating and building a life together. M has become steadily more present in my life over the past five years. I spend a significant amount of time living with each of them. There's implicit trust and explicit freedom to pursue other attachments. We all are content with how things are, and we all are open to change.
I feel like a poly success story. I wish I could share the secrets to that success. Shall I try?
Partner selection:
Luck? Sure. But we also work at being grown-ups and approaching our relationships rationally and lovingly.
We interrogate whether what we are doing fits who we are.
We avoid prescribed roles and geometries for ourselves and each other.
We are reasonably self-aware and world-wise people.
Intention and flexibility:
We all care to sustain both relationships, and to keep all the people involved healthy.
We have rejected secondary/primary labeling, pretty much from the beginning.
We have aggressively mitigated couple privilege, looking for traces of it in even the most benign decisions, and overcorrecting whenever possible.
We are committed *and* flexible. We talk about the future, and leave as much as possible open to organic growth.
Honest communication:
We ask for what we want.
We admit our limitations and boundaries.
We respect each other's limitations and boundaries.
We tell each other what we love about each other, our situation, ourselves.
Sharing lives:
We make time to enjoy being together (separately, in our case).
We take time to enjoy being alone.
We accept each other's care and involvement in our individual lives.
There's a lot of love, and a lot of good will. I guess that about sums it up.
My two life partners don't know each other, but they've known about each other as long as I've known both of them (over twenty years). W is my co-parent, and we had many years of de facto monogamy, co-habitating and building a life together. M has become steadily more present in my life over the past five years. I spend a significant amount of time living with each of them. There's implicit trust and explicit freedom to pursue other attachments. We all are content with how things are, and we all are open to change.
I feel like a poly success story. I wish I could share the secrets to that success. Shall I try?
Partner selection:
Luck? Sure. But we also work at being grown-ups and approaching our relationships rationally and lovingly.
We interrogate whether what we are doing fits who we are.
We avoid prescribed roles and geometries for ourselves and each other.
We are reasonably self-aware and world-wise people.
Intention and flexibility:
We all care to sustain both relationships, and to keep all the people involved healthy.
We have rejected secondary/primary labeling, pretty much from the beginning.
We have aggressively mitigated couple privilege, looking for traces of it in even the most benign decisions, and overcorrecting whenever possible.
We are committed *and* flexible. We talk about the future, and leave as much as possible open to organic growth.
Honest communication:
We ask for what we want.
We admit our limitations and boundaries.
We respect each other's limitations and boundaries.
We tell each other what we love about each other, our situation, ourselves.
Sharing lives:
We make time to enjoy being together (separately, in our case).
We take time to enjoy being alone.
We accept each other's care and involvement in our individual lives.
There's a lot of love, and a lot of good will. I guess that about sums it up.