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Old 02-11-2019, 05:22 PM
justascientist2 justascientist2 is offline
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Default Best video to persuade people poly is best?

I've been of poly mindset since birth, but most people I know and meet are of the monogamy mindset since it is more popular. If you go onto facebook, for example, perhaps only about ~1/30 of the accounts will say open relationship. In anticipation of the likely thread/topic derailers, I admit this isn't too accurate, but if you feel a need to bicker about this, please just send me a private message instead of flooding the thread with off-topic comments, I promise to edit this post and give you full credit.

Anyway, for these reasons, I meet and know many people whose viewpoints about relationships are, basically, opposite of mine. I would like them to be more knowledgeable, and to see things closer to my way. But, I myself don't have the time to persuade anyone with my own lectures.

Also, and this is very important, such lecturing would not be convincing anyway. That isn't how people work. They don't want unsolicited advice. Also, people only listen to arguments that have been vetted by a lot of other people to indeed be somewhat reasonable. So, if there is an alternative viewpoint that is not popular, most people need a very clear and convincing reason why that mainstream view might not be correct before they will dare even consider the alternative view. Whatever I might say would probably be dismissed on the grounds that it is my own strange viewpoints, anecdotal oddities, etc. Sort of like hearing about some person whose cancer might have gotten got cured by Billy Graham Jr. or something.

From scanning the forums, thus far the "correct" solution to this situation is for me to purchase edition 3 of "The Ethical Slut," and to physically give that book to whomever I feel like convincing. However, there are several problems with that idea.

First, nobody I know has the "motivated time" to read such a long book. They would just stick it in their bookcase and not read more than a few pages. So, I want to know if there is something shorter.

Second, it doesn't match up with my own viewpoints, so it would fail to meet my purpose. For instance, it is too agnostic on the monogamy vs. poly debate. It actually makes no direct attempt to persuade anyone that poly is better than monogamy. Indeed, it says that whatever people like is great! If you are a wife not getting any orgasms, and you don't mind it since you never knew better, that's semi-cool by these authors. Well, not to me. And this is, allegedly, a relatively preachy book! It even says sex is whatever people define it to be! That you can be having sex with the authors by reading the book! I realize this is a popular view within the poly community, but it isn't mine. It also says jealousy just a feeling that people have. I personally think jealousy is a rather bad if not evil emotion, and while I know few would agree with me, I would love to find a video or short book whose author already agrees with me.

Ideally, there might be a video that is linear and clear, focusing on the key issues I think are important, like responses the arguments that poly: causes sadness, causes broken homes, is gross, is disgusting, causes diseases, causes orphans, etc. I am looking for something like a video by good looking and "successful" poly couples about jealously, and why jealousy is bad. I know that the phrase "good looking" will offend people, but it is a real fear that only so-called losers need to consider poly by the people I'd like to persuade that poly is better than monogamy.

So, with that preamble, here's my question. What is, in your opinion, the semi-comprehensive best-for-my-friends-and-family movie, youtube video, or book that might work to persuade people to be closer to my own mindset (even if my own mindset is not your mindset)?
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Old 02-11-2019, 05:41 PM
SEASONEDpolyAgain SEASONEDpolyAgain is offline
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I think the problem you're going to have is that the videos most people relate to do the exact opposite of what you seek. So much so that I wonder if this is satire?

Anyway, I'll respond as if it isn't. As I was saying, the videos/articles that most of us relate to speak of poly as a valid alternative to monogamy rather than superior. I'm sure we've all come across viewpoints that do take that approach but we dismiss those because often their take on monogamy doesn't match our own experiences. Believe it or not, not every poly person came from a background of miserable monogamous relationships no more than everyone who emigrates having hated their home country.
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Old 02-11-2019, 05:50 PM
justascientist2 justascientist2 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SEASONEDpolyAgain View Post
I think the problem you're going to have is that the videos most people relate to do the exact opposite of what you seek.
Agreed, which is why I'm posting for help; if I had been looking for a video or book backing the most popular viewpoints within the poly community, I'd not need to post here. I'd just hand them a popular poly video url or copy of The Ethical Slut. Personally, unlike most others, I dismiss anyone who would write multiple books about an unpopular thing x, and yet has no clear opinion on the question of if x is really better, or does not think and clearly advocate x is better. The reason is because if x is not clearly better, it is a waste of time to worry about it, since it is a moot thing, and people should be going with the majority option, exception being things like books on quitting things not good.

Last edited by justascientist2; 02-11-2019 at 07:41 PM.
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Old 02-11-2019, 07:42 PM
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Hi justascientist2 - and welcome to the Forum! Unfortunately, SEASONEDpolyAgain is probably correct in that you are unlikely to find a video suited to your purpose - but hopefully I am mistaken and there is something out there that I am not aware of, and that someone here can bring it to our attention. The reality is, however, that most "polyamorus" videos/movies are unlikely to present an accurate portrayal of what poly is really like for most poly folks - much more likely that the focus will be on the public's general fantasy perception of poly - FMF threesomes, unicorns, and the like. While in actual practice, most poly folks date independently.

And, although "Ethical Slut" is a classic poly text, most folks in the poly community would probably agree that it is not the best introduction to poly. As a general introduction, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino is often recommended. It is a relatively engaging read that first covers the larger sphere of consensual non-monogamy in general, then places poly within that sphere, and finally covers the basics of ethical polyamory.

I realize that this does not actually answer your question - but thought I would share my thoughts. Hopefully others may provide some more relevant suggestions.

Al
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Last edited by Al99; 02-11-2019 at 07:57 PM.
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Old 02-11-2019, 07:48 PM
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Hello justascientist2,

I do not know of a video that matches your description; however, if I were going to look for one, I would go to https://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/ where you can find many articles, and some videos, on what people are saying about poly today. You might even want to direct some of your mono friends to that website. It really shows how more and more people nowadays are casting polyamory in a positive light.

Hopefully that helps a little.
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Old 02-11-2019, 07:52 PM
SEASONEDpolyAgain SEASONEDpolyAgain is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justascientist2 View Post
Agreed, which is why I'm posting for help; if I had been looking for a video or book backing the most popular viewpoints within the poly community, I'd not need to post here. I'd just hand them a popular poly video url or copy of The Ethical Slut. Personally, unlike most others, I dismiss anyone who would write multiple books about an unpopular thing x, and yet has no clear opinion on the question of if x is really better, or does not think and clearly advocate x is better. The reason is because if x is not clearly better, it is a waste of time to worry about it, since it is a moot thing, and people should be going with the majority option, exception being things like books on quitting things not good.
But do you mean better for them as an individual, or better for everyone?
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Old 02-14-2019, 01:28 AM
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I've been on this board for many years and never once did I ever (til now) hear someone insist that polyamory is BETTER, full stop, than other models of relationships!

Why the heck is it so important to you to convince everyone you know that polyamory is BETTER than any other way to love?

That might be true for you. It is true for me. But it's not true for many, even those that are exposed to healthy examples of polyamory.

I don't think there's going to be any good, glib, 3 minute videos to convince anyone you know (close friends and family, or acquaintances or even strangers) that polyamory is the best way to love for every person on this planet.

I am understanding you to say that people you know have dismissed poly since they think it, "causes sadness, causes broken homes, is gross, is disgusting, causes diseases, causes orphans." Well, people fear what they don't know. The same things were (could still be) said about marriages between 2 people of different religions or different races, or about same sex marriage. It's annoying but that's how closed minded people's minds work.

Maybe you need new friends. Cool progressive ones.
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Old 04-09-2019, 02:41 AM
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Ult1mat3X Ult1mat3X is offline
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Default Best video to persuade people poly is best?

Probably not the best, but from trusted source for sure xD

https://pornhub.com/view_video.php?v...h5630288f97820
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Old 04-09-2019, 04:04 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
So, with that preamble, here's my question. What is, in your opinion, the semi-comprehensive best-for-my-friends-and-family movie, youtube video, or book that might work to persuade people to be closer to my own mindset (even if my own mindset is not your mindset)?
I do not know of any quite like how you describe. You may have to design it and make it yourself.

Quote:
Anyway, for these reasons, I meet and know many people whose viewpoints about relationships are, basically, opposite of mine. I would like them to be more knowledgeable, and to see things closer to my way.
Do THEY want to be more knowledgeable and see things your way or are they fine where they are at? You cannot MAKE someone think about things different if they don't want to.

Why this need? Are your friends and family giving you a hard time? Why do you want them persuaded?

Quote:
Whatever I might say would probably be dismissed on the grounds that it is my own strange viewpoints, anecdotal oddities, etc.
I might guess wrong here... but you sound tired of explaining to them. Like you want a video or something to help you explain so you can be be seen and acknowledged in your context. Like poly is best for YOU, and for them to quit bugging you. Is that it?

Quote:
Ideally, there might be a video that is linear and clear, focusing on the key issues I think are important, like responses the arguments that poly: causes sadness, causes broken homes, is gross, is disgusting, causes diseases, causes orphans, etc.
I don't know even if you find one, that the people you want to convince and send the link to will bother to watch it. You cannot change other people's minds FOR them.

1) They might not bother to watch at all

OR

2) They watch and dismiss it like YOU shouldn't be reading/watching that "garbage" and that's what's wrong with you anyway being "brainwashed" by internet things.

YKWIM?

Quote:
Also, and this is very important, such lecturing would not be convincing anyway. That isn't how people work.
See? You seem to know it. And changing to "mini lecturing" through a shorter 3 min video might still come across as "lecturing" them and still go nowhere.

What you could do different is decide not to JADE your life choices. (Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain). Sometimes just agreeing to disagree and going on to live your own life how YOU want to is the best you can do with these family/friends/whoever people who might be bugging you.

Then also work to expand your social circle so you have new friends who are more in alignment with what you think. Cuz it can feel lonely if you don't have a support network and you are the one person in the family/friends circle that sticks WAY out being different.

I've done a lot of things in my life that relatives got all excited about -- sex before marriage, "living in sin", bi, poly stuff, changing religions, politics... when all is said and done? They were SO SURE the doom would come. And none came! I'm still same ol' same ol'. Get my groceries at the store like anyone else. Pay the bills like anyone else.

The ones that think I'm a nut still think it. But now they go "She's doing things again. She's the nut in the family always doing things. Oh, well." They don't have the same "OMG!" reaction that they used to. They've accepted it - that they can live their OWN life but I'm the one that lives mine.

Others now go "Well, she's not old fashioned like me. She's a modern woman and it works for her. I think the younger ones have to figure it out their own way" -- which actually is really is great strides in my fam. And the younger ones in the family who do come after me? Have an easier time of it with whatever it is -- coming out as gay, coming out as poly, wanting to not do college and open a business, wanting to go military, or whatever.

I guess I'm saying... try not to sweat it too much and maybe take the long range view? Maybe that could help your frustration some if you are frustrated with people?

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 04-09-2019 at 04:34 AM.
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Old 04-10-2019, 02:13 PM
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Post # 8 here links to Pornhub. I did not click on the link, but it's probably a violation of the rules to post it.
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