Need some advice please

Hi! Im sorry you're going through this! I hope you aren't stressing out too much. It is clear from what you are saying that having a non-monogomous relationship is really important to you, or at least something that you clearly want to freedom to explore. I can understand the hesitancy from your partner, because the fear of being replaced is a really strong one. However, what I have found in my version of poly, is that talking about these fears and these insecurities is so incredibly helpful. And not just "oh lets meet up once a month and talk about these things" but when they arise, talk about them, get to the heart of what causes them, and then reaffirm your partners importance to you.

I am in 2 LDR and one is a DADT, and I find that beneficial with him because of our relationship dynamic. But my boyfriend on the other hand, I need him to tell me when he steps outside our relationship. I need the openness, because the honesty and openness indicate to me my importance still.

Communication is a really big part of any relationship, let a lone a non-monogamous one, and then add on a LDR- before you really decide you want to do this with this partner specifically, I would work on communication. It must feel really crappy to feel shut down when you try to bring this up and I'm sorry.

So all that was addressing the first part of your post, now onto the second!

One of the reasons I decided that open-poly was right for me is that because sometimes sex is just sex, and I don't want to feel bad for simply being attracted to someone and acting on it. It seems like you are somewhere in that frame of thought as well.

I would tell him sooner rather than later. I know its harder with the distance, but you can't help that. FaceTime is great, and I think you will feel better as well. Make sure you reinforce your commitment to him as his girlfriend, and that you are sorry if he feels betrayed. However, you should mention that you have tried to bring up the conversation and you have felt unable to express yourself in the way you want to. Only apologize for what you are sorry for, and make sure you say your truth.

I hope this helps!
 
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