Lonely, turning 34, and still alone.

Gria2004

New member
In about a month I will be turning 34 and I know somethings missing. My other half or half’s. It’s been way to long since I was in relationships and being single. That’s not saying that I haven’t tried believe me, I have for far to long. It been over two year’s . I don’t know what to do? I have tried everything from friends hooking me up, online dating, and even a old college friends but all ends badly with me sad, more lonely then before and depressed for while. Dating doesn’t seem like it use to be years go. It’s sad really. My working nights three days one week four the next has made a lot of guys change there mind about dating. Also with online dating no one wants to do the distance especially after finding out we’re I’m from. It’s a smaller town with not much to do and I love that it not always busy. But sadly they don’t.

What’s makes it harder is that even though I can be happy non poly but I really want someone poly, non monogamous, or open minded but that’s been even more hard to find. With my birthday coming up I feel even worse.

My life is great. I have a nice place with a great view in what I’m making is my smart home. I have no debt, a cat I love, a job that is great though the money could be better but I love it, and great family around me. I just want someone to share it with me. I don’t know what do?

I’m really sick of dating. Especially after the last guy. We meet on airplane, talked for hours and when we got off we kept talking for hours. Everything was great. We hit it off well. So many likes and same things like being only child, visiting parents in Arizona in the same town. But he lives two hours and 15 minutes from me. We dated things went well spent the night together all well. Then he comes at me with your great and we like all the same things I like you but you know you can’t have a serious relationship with the distance. That was our conversation yesterday. I just don’t get it? I just want to be done with dating, I want to say I found my someone, and it would even better if they were poly but I be happy if find someone who doesn’t do that shit to me. I just don’t know?
 
Hi Gria2004,

I'm really sorry to hear that you are having a frustrating time with dating, and not able to find that one special person, hopefully poly, with whom you would not have to keep looking out there dating, and you could settle down and be happy. I'm not sure what to suggest, it sounds like you've tried about everything. Maybe you could join a local club of something you are interested in, not try to date but just get to know the other people in the club and be social. And maybe that could lead to something later. As for dating itself, you may need to take a break from that for awhile, I'm not sure how long. You just seem so worn out and exasperated from it, you just need a break for right now.

I hope you'll have better luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Kevin

Thank you for replaying. I would join a club if there were many around here beside bowling and club for moms I don’t know any others. We’re a small town. As for taking a barke I haven’t dated anyone in over two years and only went out three dates after talking first. So I feel like I been on a break. It really sucks. I don’t know what happened since 2015.
 
I'm sorry you're finding it hard to date for whatever reason. I too live in a smallish, fairly isolated town... and although I've never really "dated" in the traditional sense.

I've just come out of a long term marriage and found both my current (long distance) partners online - albeit, not through a dating site or app. We met on social media, through mutual friends + shared interests in music and politics, and were friends first, before anything romantic occurred.

Frankly, I'm more of a believer in letting things happen organically, wherever possible. Of course, I am also dealing with a super LDR scenario (different countries) and acknowledge that that sort of arrangement is not everyone's cup of tea.

Depending on the population and resources in your particular town, meeting potential partners through mutual friends, the workplace, at parties or via other unstructured means may be unrealistic, Gria, especially if you're intent on living a poly lifestyle.

It sounds like you have a close to idyllic life in other respects, so I wouldn't suggest uprooting yourself and looking for work elsewhere. However, you may just have to become more social, if you're not already.

Join those clubs you mentioned, or others (sporting groups, clubs) and attend events that revolve around things you're already interested in (sci-fi or role playing groups, rock concerts), volunteer at a local animal shelter, environmental or political/social group, art gallery or drama club.

And try to find chapters of local poly groups, even swingers clubs or other places you just might happen to meet likeminded people. You MAY have to travel to a nearby town for some of these, but as long as the travel isn't more than an hour or two, I can't see it being a problem for too many people. If it is, I'm not sure they're ready for a big emotional commitment anyway.
 
I just want to add...

I wouldn't give up on dating or finding a life partner, however at "only" 34-ish, I might consider keeping dating/falling in love as a second string option.

Rather, concentrate your energies on meeting new people and making good friends in your local area and surrounds. Take classes in subjects you're interested in... branch out and do things you don't normally... such as join a choir or go hiking with a local group. If you present a happy, fulfilled, interesting personality to the world at large, people will be attracted to you naturally, and romance may well spring forth from there.
 
It sounds as though you live in a remote U.P. village.

My town has <7,700 residents. The nearest city (so to speak) is like 53,000 & 35 miles away. If I was involved with someone "two hours and 15 minutes" away, that'd be like 100-150 miles, or roughly Minneapolis to Duluth -- call it halfway across Minnesota, the long way. Almost the length of two standard music CDs.

I'm presently sort of dating a woman who lives a mile away. As we work different shifts, our available time together is certainly an issue. As either of us might get stuck working a given Saturday, our window for public socializing is rather limited.

I accept that you have intentions of at some point being polyamorous. However, that ideal IS NOT helping you. If your goal is to have at least ONE relationship, then the focus ought to be on first finding ONE relationship.
 
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