glowinthedarkstars
New member
Hi everyone,
I am in a situation where my partner, D lives with and is married to M. M dates T and has gotten serious with him over the past year. (During that same time frame, D has gotten closer to me) Until recently I didn't realize how iffy M and D's relationship has become....
M and D have mostly a friend/roommate/business partner type relationship (even though they are married, it is nonsexual and nonromantic at this point)
D has some really big issues with M's boyfriend, T , and how M and T interact with each other, perceiving it as highly toxic. It's driving D and M further and further apart. On top of that, he is seeing changes in M's personality that he really doesn't like and it is affecting him big time. He's been depressed and doesn't like how he is being treated.
In turn, I am seeing D be treated in a way that I don't like. It makes me want to protect him and be there for him. At the same time, I have to respect his path. I am more monogamous minded, so I am trying to be mindful that I do not try to sway D in any which way for my emotional needs rather encourage him to listen to and honor his feelings. A big issue is that M is very dominant and I see D suppress himself and his feelings around M...it makes me upset because I want D to stand up for himself.
I never had any personal issue with M or T (I know them very casually and liked them) but I feel very upset that one toxic relationship is turning another relationship toxic, and then it drips down to me.
I spent most of last night lying awake feeling like I was in a fight or in trouble and very anxious. Partially because I am worried for D but also because I just feel like I have bad programming that causes me to blame myself for things that really aren't my fault. I am working on that in therapy.
I am wondering if anyone has been in a situation like this. At some point, I will not be able to watch my partner in what looks like an emotionally abusive relationship. D is very focused on the abusive nature of M and T's relationship and of course, I am more focused on D and M's. Having said that, last night I told him he could come over if he needed a safe space or call if he needed to talk. I felt like that was a good way to offer support.
What other ways can I offer support, but also maintain my health and happiness? I hate seeing D so miserable. I want to see him happy. I also feel like I am not really equipt to take on the emotional toll that this could take on me. What kind of boundaries can I set for myself?
Thanks so much!
I am in a situation where my partner, D lives with and is married to M. M dates T and has gotten serious with him over the past year. (During that same time frame, D has gotten closer to me) Until recently I didn't realize how iffy M and D's relationship has become....
M and D have mostly a friend/roommate/business partner type relationship (even though they are married, it is nonsexual and nonromantic at this point)
D has some really big issues with M's boyfriend, T , and how M and T interact with each other, perceiving it as highly toxic. It's driving D and M further and further apart. On top of that, he is seeing changes in M's personality that he really doesn't like and it is affecting him big time. He's been depressed and doesn't like how he is being treated.
In turn, I am seeing D be treated in a way that I don't like. It makes me want to protect him and be there for him. At the same time, I have to respect his path. I am more monogamous minded, so I am trying to be mindful that I do not try to sway D in any which way for my emotional needs rather encourage him to listen to and honor his feelings. A big issue is that M is very dominant and I see D suppress himself and his feelings around M...it makes me upset because I want D to stand up for himself.
I never had any personal issue with M or T (I know them very casually and liked them) but I feel very upset that one toxic relationship is turning another relationship toxic, and then it drips down to me.
I spent most of last night lying awake feeling like I was in a fight or in trouble and very anxious. Partially because I am worried for D but also because I just feel like I have bad programming that causes me to blame myself for things that really aren't my fault. I am working on that in therapy.
I am wondering if anyone has been in a situation like this. At some point, I will not be able to watch my partner in what looks like an emotionally abusive relationship. D is very focused on the abusive nature of M and T's relationship and of course, I am more focused on D and M's. Having said that, last night I told him he could come over if he needed a safe space or call if he needed to talk. I felt like that was a good way to offer support.
What other ways can I offer support, but also maintain my health and happiness? I hate seeing D so miserable. I want to see him happy. I also feel like I am not really equipt to take on the emotional toll that this could take on me. What kind of boundaries can I set for myself?
Thanks so much!
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