stillfiguringthingsout
New member
Hi all
First I wanted to thank you for your continued support as you are a safe place for me to post and give me great advice and often new ways to look at a situation.
So, a little background...I'm married (28 yrs) and poly for almost 7 yrs with my SO. He is also married ( 35 yrs) and his wife was in a long term poly relationship (8 yrs) until about a year ago.
There has been a lot adjustments with loss of private time and the addition of "thruple" time but all in all I think things are going well. I do always feel now that I am dealing with a time deficit with my SO but right now that can't be helped.
What I'm struggling with is this: my SO and I love to go on adventures...big ones and little ones. We have a lot of common interests and travel well together.
We have been talking about 2 big adventures and planning things loosely until the time comes to book the details. His wife had always known about these planned adventures and was never interested in them because she would rather spend her vacation time relaxing on a beach somewhere. That is until now.
Suddenly now, she is including herself in these trips...talking as if she is going. Neither of us had invited her or has ever given her the impression that it was a trip for the 3 of us.
I don't know how to handle this. I certainly am not willing to spend my very limited vacation time with her and honestly feel angry that she feels she can just include herself now. My SO says not to worry because she always says she wants to do things but never follows through. I don't really think thats the point.
Am I being unreasonable here? I feel such an anger and resentment that just writing this is upsetting me.
My SO thinks he has found a solution by dividing our big trips in half...he spends half the trip with her and then I fly out to spend the remaining time with him. I am willing to do this. But that is not helping my anger at her assumption that because she is his wife that she should now be included in these trips.
Is she right? Does she have the right to do that? Do I just live with it? Do I tell her that she wasn't invited?
I'm stuck...and angry
First I wanted to thank you for your continued support as you are a safe place for me to post and give me great advice and often new ways to look at a situation.
So, a little background...I'm married (28 yrs) and poly for almost 7 yrs with my SO. He is also married ( 35 yrs) and his wife was in a long term poly relationship (8 yrs) until about a year ago.
There has been a lot adjustments with loss of private time and the addition of "thruple" time but all in all I think things are going well. I do always feel now that I am dealing with a time deficit with my SO but right now that can't be helped.
What I'm struggling with is this: my SO and I love to go on adventures...big ones and little ones. We have a lot of common interests and travel well together.
We have been talking about 2 big adventures and planning things loosely until the time comes to book the details. His wife had always known about these planned adventures and was never interested in them because she would rather spend her vacation time relaxing on a beach somewhere. That is until now.
Suddenly now, she is including herself in these trips...talking as if she is going. Neither of us had invited her or has ever given her the impression that it was a trip for the 3 of us.
I don't know how to handle this. I certainly am not willing to spend my very limited vacation time with her and honestly feel angry that she feels she can just include herself now. My SO says not to worry because she always says she wants to do things but never follows through. I don't really think thats the point.
Am I being unreasonable here? I feel such an anger and resentment that just writing this is upsetting me.
My SO thinks he has found a solution by dividing our big trips in half...he spends half the trip with her and then I fly out to spend the remaining time with him. I am willing to do this. But that is not helping my anger at her assumption that because she is his wife that she should now be included in these trips.
Is she right? Does she have the right to do that? Do I just live with it? Do I tell her that she wasn't invited?
I'm stuck...and angry