First post, so apologies if I make any glaring mistakes here. I'm in a v style partnership with my partner. They are the v hinge, my metamour and I are the ends of the v. My partner and I have been together almost five years now. We live together in the same house, everyone has their own bedroom though (no other housemates).
I'm looking for advice on how my partner and I can enjoy sleepovers better together. I like to do two sleepovers or so a week, which has been something we've been able to make happen lately. Currently when they sleep over in my room, the two of us (or at least they) often wake up early, for us that's around 7 am, after having gone to bed around 1 am or so. It's been rough for both of us when we don't sleep well for obvious reasons, additionally my partner usually sleeps reasonably well when they spend the night in my metamour's room. I've been feeling jealous and insufficient because of this. I like having sleepovers and sometimes it has felt like a chore/not an exciting thing to do because of the not sleeping well together issue. Otherwise we would like to spend that time together. It's weird feeling like my room/bed is the issue and I'm not sure what I can do to make things better. I plan to sit down and talk about it soon, but am waiting to hear from them about when they're in a good space to talk about it.
Has anyone had similar issues/come up with good solutions to this problem? Here are some things I've considered that might help/be part of the problem:
-My metamour's bed doesn't transfer much movement. Mine is a fairly firm bed that has a foam mattress topper because the bed was too firm for my partner and I to sleep comfortably on (hilariously I originally tried to buy the bed to their taste). Maybe a former type of topper would help? Open to ideas.
-I'm working on fully blocking light from my room and think this might help.
-My metamour has a sound machine, maybe getting one might help? Theirs cost $100+, which is out of my budget. Would appreciate suggestions for good options!
- My partner has a twin bed so I can't sleep in their room. Would it be reasonable to see if they were interested in getting their own bed, which presumably they would sleep well in, to facilitate better sleepovers?
-Any suggestions for sleep aids/sleep masks? I've used stuff like melatonin and it works, but that doesn't help me stay asleep all night. My partner doesn't seem to like sleep aids, any suggestions for ones I might be able to recommend them?
-I usually go to sleep at 12:30 at the latest. My partner is usually in bed by 1 am but will stay up until 2 am some nights. Would it be reasonable to ask that they take bedtime into consideration on nights we sleep together? I.e. going to bed at 12 or 11:30 would mean even if we do get up at 7, we'd get 7 or so hours of sleep.
-I can't really consider another bed as an option for myself, since the one I just bought is a year old.
-Sometimes when we sleep together one or both of us will overheat.
-I use earplugs and my partner doesn't, so no need to comment on that.
I realize that this is more of a general relationship issue than anything, but it's been negatively affecting my feelings on the relationship. I've been feeling jealous of my metamour's ability to have sleepovers with our partner whenever and that they seem to be things my partner looks forward to. My partner does like to take naps, so that's something that helps, but I would rather they and I had less 5 and 6 hour sleepovers together. Obviously this doesn't have much to do with me as a person but I feel bad about it anyway, hopefully that makes sense. Any advice welcome, thanks for reading the long post!
I'm looking for advice on how my partner and I can enjoy sleepovers better together. I like to do two sleepovers or so a week, which has been something we've been able to make happen lately. Currently when they sleep over in my room, the two of us (or at least they) often wake up early, for us that's around 7 am, after having gone to bed around 1 am or so. It's been rough for both of us when we don't sleep well for obvious reasons, additionally my partner usually sleeps reasonably well when they spend the night in my metamour's room. I've been feeling jealous and insufficient because of this. I like having sleepovers and sometimes it has felt like a chore/not an exciting thing to do because of the not sleeping well together issue. Otherwise we would like to spend that time together. It's weird feeling like my room/bed is the issue and I'm not sure what I can do to make things better. I plan to sit down and talk about it soon, but am waiting to hear from them about when they're in a good space to talk about it.
Has anyone had similar issues/come up with good solutions to this problem? Here are some things I've considered that might help/be part of the problem:
-My metamour's bed doesn't transfer much movement. Mine is a fairly firm bed that has a foam mattress topper because the bed was too firm for my partner and I to sleep comfortably on (hilariously I originally tried to buy the bed to their taste). Maybe a former type of topper would help? Open to ideas.
-I'm working on fully blocking light from my room and think this might help.
-My metamour has a sound machine, maybe getting one might help? Theirs cost $100+, which is out of my budget. Would appreciate suggestions for good options!
- My partner has a twin bed so I can't sleep in their room. Would it be reasonable to see if they were interested in getting their own bed, which presumably they would sleep well in, to facilitate better sleepovers?
-Any suggestions for sleep aids/sleep masks? I've used stuff like melatonin and it works, but that doesn't help me stay asleep all night. My partner doesn't seem to like sleep aids, any suggestions for ones I might be able to recommend them?
-I usually go to sleep at 12:30 at the latest. My partner is usually in bed by 1 am but will stay up until 2 am some nights. Would it be reasonable to ask that they take bedtime into consideration on nights we sleep together? I.e. going to bed at 12 or 11:30 would mean even if we do get up at 7, we'd get 7 or so hours of sleep.
-I can't really consider another bed as an option for myself, since the one I just bought is a year old.
-Sometimes when we sleep together one or both of us will overheat.
-I use earplugs and my partner doesn't, so no need to comment on that.
I realize that this is more of a general relationship issue than anything, but it's been negatively affecting my feelings on the relationship. I've been feeling jealous of my metamour's ability to have sleepovers with our partner whenever and that they seem to be things my partner looks forward to. My partner does like to take naps, so that's something that helps, but I would rather they and I had less 5 and 6 hour sleepovers together. Obviously this doesn't have much to do with me as a person but I feel bad about it anyway, hopefully that makes sense. Any advice welcome, thanks for reading the long post!