clearvowels
New member
Hello all,
I'm new here, and I hope I'm not posting something redundant as I haven't had a chance to look through many threads yet. Each situation seems unique in some specific way though, so I'm going to go ahead and ask for some guidance here.
I'm new to poly, but I did my homework and a lot of introspection before recently beginning to date as "non-monogamous". I started getting to know a man recently, in some detail with emails and chatting for a month before finally going on some dates, where it was immediately clear there was very strong chemistry and emotional connection. He has a wife who has a long-term boyfriend, but this is his first dating experience since being married to her. I've been clear with him that I want the around the table poly experience -- I want metamours, or at the very least to be respectful and get along. Her boyfriend travels, and is in and out of town and stays with them for a week here and there, and they will sometimes take off together for a week or so together.
Wife has let husband know that she is jealous of him chatting with me on their time, even if they are engaged in other activities at the moment, because his attention is divided. The dating schedule that's been proposed to me is focused around the times that she's unavailable (has other engagements for the eveing), and I've been told that we'll have more time together when her boyfriend is in town, because that is when she's "distracted". Boyfriends travel itinerary is often unpredictable so it's not always clear when that would be.
I'm wondering if this type of scheduling practice (around the others busy time) among primary partners is common? I feel that I'm being asked to be flexible and available and fill in the gaps where they occur, and I'm having a hard time seeing how I will feel accepted and valued if I'm just getting the time where she's distracted or busy. This already feels bad, and we aren't out of the gates yet. I haven't met her yet, and it hasn't even been mentioned. I'm having a hard time being assertive in a situation where there's already an established routine, and I was hoping for some feedback first. Thank you all so much.
I'm new here, and I hope I'm not posting something redundant as I haven't had a chance to look through many threads yet. Each situation seems unique in some specific way though, so I'm going to go ahead and ask for some guidance here.
I'm new to poly, but I did my homework and a lot of introspection before recently beginning to date as "non-monogamous". I started getting to know a man recently, in some detail with emails and chatting for a month before finally going on some dates, where it was immediately clear there was very strong chemistry and emotional connection. He has a wife who has a long-term boyfriend, but this is his first dating experience since being married to her. I've been clear with him that I want the around the table poly experience -- I want metamours, or at the very least to be respectful and get along. Her boyfriend travels, and is in and out of town and stays with them for a week here and there, and they will sometimes take off together for a week or so together.
Wife has let husband know that she is jealous of him chatting with me on their time, even if they are engaged in other activities at the moment, because his attention is divided. The dating schedule that's been proposed to me is focused around the times that she's unavailable (has other engagements for the eveing), and I've been told that we'll have more time together when her boyfriend is in town, because that is when she's "distracted". Boyfriends travel itinerary is often unpredictable so it's not always clear when that would be.
I'm wondering if this type of scheduling practice (around the others busy time) among primary partners is common? I feel that I'm being asked to be flexible and available and fill in the gaps where they occur, and I'm having a hard time seeing how I will feel accepted and valued if I'm just getting the time where she's distracted or busy. This already feels bad, and we aren't out of the gates yet. I haven't met her yet, and it hasn't even been mentioned. I'm having a hard time being assertive in a situation where there's already an established routine, and I was hoping for some feedback first. Thank you all so much.