transcendental
New member
I have a husband of 5 years (together for 10), and a partner of four months, we started as a BDSM play-pairing and have become more deeply connected. It has been hard for all of us because it is new. My husband is mono and we were monogamous until a couple of years ago and my partner has never been a secondary.
The thing that is surprising me is that my husband, while finding things very difficult, is also changing in positive ways directly because of my partner and I don't know how to deal with it.
The sex was rather poor with my husband. Before we opened up we managed to improve things a lot, but since I have been with my partner things have been drastically better. He is aroused more often, initiates more often, experiments more, tells me I am sexy more. It is all fantastic! And genuine, I feel very lucky. But, some things he gets from my partner and I don't know if that is ok or not. It feels like I am blurring the lines between them and that seems a bit weird. For example, my partner is helping me with personal training. I do the exercises by myself, but I do them naked for fun. My husband knows this and today he told me he likes to think of me doing them. But for me, this is something I do "with" my partner. Likewise, my partner got me into masturbating using clothespins on my nipples. As part of the open communication with my husband this was one of the examples I gave about the sort of things my partner gets me to do. Now my husband seems to like the idea.
I feel like it is a betrayal of my partner doing things with my husband. Is this stupid? Am I over-analysing things? Should I just be grateful that the relationship with my partner has had a positive impact? It has been very challenging building an open relationship, but I was expecting challenges. I was not expecting these developments and I was unprepared for them.
The thing that is surprising me is that my husband, while finding things very difficult, is also changing in positive ways directly because of my partner and I don't know how to deal with it.
The sex was rather poor with my husband. Before we opened up we managed to improve things a lot, but since I have been with my partner things have been drastically better. He is aroused more often, initiates more often, experiments more, tells me I am sexy more. It is all fantastic! And genuine, I feel very lucky. But, some things he gets from my partner and I don't know if that is ok or not. It feels like I am blurring the lines between them and that seems a bit weird. For example, my partner is helping me with personal training. I do the exercises by myself, but I do them naked for fun. My husband knows this and today he told me he likes to think of me doing them. But for me, this is something I do "with" my partner. Likewise, my partner got me into masturbating using clothespins on my nipples. As part of the open communication with my husband this was one of the examples I gave about the sort of things my partner gets me to do. Now my husband seems to like the idea.
I feel like it is a betrayal of my partner doing things with my husband. Is this stupid? Am I over-analysing things? Should I just be grateful that the relationship with my partner has had a positive impact? It has been very challenging building an open relationship, but I was expecting challenges. I was not expecting these developments and I was unprepared for them.