How do I tell him I like him?

SterlingMagpie

New member
My husband and I have tried having a shared 3rd partner in the past, and it hasn't quite worked out. Our interests in people haven't been balanced, resulting in an unbalanced relationship. After a lot of discussion, we're open to both of us seeing other people.

I have a friend that knows my husband and I, and I have quite the crush on him. My husband knows, and is supportive of my interest in my friend.

My friend and I have gone out to the movies once, as friends. (I wanted to make an opportunity to spend time with just them for once. Our entire friendship prior has always been hanging out with a group of people.) We both had a great time. When hanging out with friends, I feel like he's very warm with me - and he gives me tighter and longer hugs when saying goodbye than he does to others.

I think he might like me as well, but I have no idea on how to gauge his interest and openness to polyamory. My husband and I haven't opened up to many people yet that we are poly.

Any suggestions on how to tell your crush that you're poly and interested in them?
 
"We've been friends a long time, and you know my husband and me. You might not know, though, that he and I have agreed we can date other people while still staying married. I have a lot of fun with you, and I'd really like it if you and I could start seeing each other."
 
"Hi, Crush. I wanted to make you aware that I am polyamorous, have an Open marriage, and I am interested in dating you. Is that something you could be up for?

If not up for it at this time, just tell me. That's ok. I hope you my asking as a compliment.

If you might be up for it? Maybe we can set a casual coffee date to talk about any questions you might have."

Keep it simple on yourself.

Galagirl
 
Hi SterlingMagpie!!

I'm in a very similar situation, and I'm totally new to this. My husband and I both are open to relationships with other people, and there's a guy I'm very interested in. I'm about to spend two weeks with him in close circumstances, and we're close friends. But I'm not open about my situation, and he doesn't know that he and I could have a relationship.

I have no idea how to approach him!!

Does anyone have advice?

Thanks!
 
I have a crush on a guy but I know his marriage wouldn't allow for any type of arrangement or dating.

Good luck! I hope it works out for each of you.

P.
 
KC43's suggestion is a perfect way to tell someone. Another way to bring it up would be to talk about polyamory in general and see what the reaction is, as in "I'm reading a book about polyamory. What do you think about it?" If the response is overly negative, then you wouldn't have to out yourselves. If the response is positive, you can then say, "I'm glad you feel that way, because my husband and I have talked about it and we are both okay with each other seeing other people. I like you and how we connect. Would you be interested in seeing me as more than a platonic friend? You could talk to him about it if you want to make sure he's okay with that."
 
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Thank you all for the suggestions, they've definitely helped me feel more confident with the situation. At the very least, I've been more comfortable with being more open with a few more friends - which has proved to me that my situation is probably a lot simpler than I'm making it out to be. I told one friend in particular that my husband and I recently came to the conclusion that we're polyamorous, and open to dating separate people. Her response "Yeah. I know." Apparently, my husband and I were the last ones to know! Haha.

Now my only obstacle is just having the guts to be forward enough to tell my crush...
 
OP's husband here

I wanted to say thanks to you all. Magpie's been feeling much more self-assured with your encouraging words!
 
...

I wanted to say thanks to you all. Magpie's been feeling much more self-assured with your encouraging words!

Thanks for chiming in!

I think it is helpful to know that you are not the only person in the world having the same dilemma.:D

To the OP - if you do take the plunge and talk to your crush about your poly-ness, please remember that if he says "Thanks, but no thanks." it is not a reflection on you as a person, or on your desirability as a dating partner. Poly is a foreign concept to many people and not everyone is comfortable with it, or willing to put in the effort to make it work. Some may be willing to try, for the right person, but if they really don't feel comfortable then that is their right as well.
 
Hi SterlingMagpie,

I was just wondering if you had told your crush, and how that went. Post an update if you're willing!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Hi SterlingMagpie,

I was just wondering if you had told your crush, and how that went. Post an update if you're willing!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

I have not had the chance, or the confidence, to tell him yet. Everything I think of as an excuse to spend time with just Him, feels forced or uncharacteristic for me. We've also both been busy with changes in our employments, and a mutual friend going through a rough time.
 
Sounds like the problems are adding up. :(
 
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