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  #21  
Old 02-14-2018, 02:08 AM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Originally Posted by River View Post
I remember once hearing a man speak who had lost the capacity to have an erection (I think it was a YouTube video or maybe a TED Talk.) To his astonishment, he eventually discovered that it was no really big loss. He said his sexual / erotic life had improved tremendously since that occurred.
Yes. Just ask a lesbian. We can learn a lot from people who have amazing, beautiful, connected and exciting sex lives without the use of an erect penis. Yes, it exists! I won't go into detail about my own sex life, but I can say that when sex doesn't revolve around an erect penis, it can liberate both partners to explore many, many, many other ways of connecting and experiencing sexual energy.
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Old 02-14-2018, 04:42 AM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
Yes. Just ask a lesbian. We can learn a lot from people who have amazing, beautiful, connected and exciting sex lives without the use of an erect penis. Yes, it exists! I won't go into detail about my own sex life, but I can say that when sex doesn't revolve around an erect penis, it can liberate both partners to explore many, many, many other ways of connecting and experiencing sexual energy.
Forgive my naiveté, but here goes...

Sure, a WOMAN (lesbian or not) can still achieve an amazing, beautiful, connected and exciting sex life, range of sensations, and reach orgasm without the aid of an erect penis or PIV sex. Women can enjoy and even get off on kissing, breast/nipple play, stimulation of various erogenous zones and achieve orgasm via any number of means, especially clitoral and G-spot stimulation with mouth/lips/tongue, fingers, sex toys and various objects.

Likewise, a man can enjoy a range of physical sensations that are not directly related to, or don't require an erect penis. Many males seek connection and physical pleasure from kissing and cuddling, having their skin stroked, nipples, scrotum, perineum, anus and/or prostate stimulated. These things can all be emotionally and physically gratifying, and arousing on their own.

Yet I'm not sure if it's possible for a man to enjoy sexual intimacy in the same way, or rather, on the same level as an (orgasmic) woman can, without the man ever being able to achieve an erection or orgasm. Somebody please enlighten me. Is it possible for a man to achieve orgasm via prostate play, say, WITHOUT being able to maintain an erection?
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  #23  
Old 02-14-2018, 12:21 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Yet I'm not sure if it's possible for a man to enjoy sexual intimacy in the same way, or rather, on the same level as an (orgasmic) woman can, without the man ever being able to achieve an erection or orgasm.
Oh, it's definitely possible. I think most men (and women) have come to believe that it's not possible, but it is. It's what Tantra is all about. You needn't follow any tradition or call it anything at all, but taking the focus off of orgasm, allowing that to just be a part of the day whether it happens or not, and exploring sexual energy is an amazing way to be sexual. The thing about asking a lesbian is not to say that men have the same wiring as women, but to say that there's a huge world of sexuality beyond what most of us have come to expect and experience. When an erection is off the table, this world can open up because erections have a way of commanding much of the attention in a sexual situation. Instead of anguishing about the loss of the erection, struggling to get it back, why not take the opportunity to explore and expand the plentiful possibilities of sexual connection and pleasure? While we're at it, let's do away with this bogus dividing line between kink and vanilla. There are many beautiful, sensual, mind expanding and emotionally connected areas we can explore that are labeled "kink" that are left uncharted by many of us because they're reserved for "those people" or "that kind of situation." Taking away this ridiculous and arbitrary dividing line between kink and vanilla can also open us to a huge world of sexual experiences.

For all of our sakes, let's please once and for all get away from the notion that a man's penis is a reflection of his "performance." That concept is not only dehumanizing, it perpetuates the expectation that men are only valued for what they can provide, not for who they are.

And yes, men can have orgasms without erections. Prostate stimulation can lead to orgasm, but there are many ways for men to get there that do not involve the prostate.
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Last edited by FallenAngelina; 02-14-2018 at 02:32 PM.
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  #24  
Old 02-14-2018, 02:00 PM
Tinwen Tinwen is offline
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Is it possible for a man to achieve orgasm via prostate play, say, WITHOUT being able to maintain an erection?
Yes.
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  #25  
Old 02-14-2018, 02:30 PM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Thank you for your informative and detailed answer, Angelina/Karen (I'm never sure what to call you - what do you prefer?) and for not making me feel stupid for asking such a question.

Tinwen too. (I just saw your reply.)

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Originally Posted by FallenAngelina View Post
Oh, it's definitely possible. I think most men (and women) have come to believe that it's not possible, but it is.
I've never been with a man who has experienced chronic ED to the point where erections, PIV and/or orgasm have become consistently unattainable, hence my relative ignorance on the subject. I guess I could have researched the issue for myself, but since we're talking about it I thought I'd ask the forum, as most people here are experienced, knowledgeable and eloquent.

I ask, because my partner Jester is nearing sixty and his libido is on the lower end of normal, at least in comparison to my own. He isn't always motivated to participate in sexual acts. However, he seems to be able to achieve an erection without great difficulty, and can mostly maintain it, but isn't always capable of coming. To combat this, he uses a variety of drugs - both to help with maintaining an erection AND to motivate him in terms of desiring the act itself.

I do take both his age and health/history into consideration, however it doesn't thrill me that he often (but not always) feels he needs additional "help", but I think a lot of it is mental/emotional as far as he is concerned.

For this reason, I've recently been discussing the below concept/s with him, and aim to explore these avenues at leisure next time we get together in person:

Quote:
It's what Tantra is all about. You needn't follow any tradition or call it anything at all, but taking the focus off of orgasm, allowing that to just be a part of the day whether it happens or not, and exploring sexual energy is an amazing way to be sexual.
Moreover, I totally agree with this:

Quote:
While we're at it, let's do away with this bogus dividing line between kink and vanilla. There are many beautiful, sensual, mind expanding and emotionally connected areas we can explore that are labeled "kink" that are left unexplored by many of us because they're reserved "for those people."
I do not "belong" to any community or scene, and never have, as I don't tend to be a "joiner". However, I believe I've always comfortably straddled the line between vanilla and kink in most of my sexual relationships. I tend towards the experimental... like to fantasise and role play... use toys and get creative with "found objects"... have always enjoyed light bondage and the like... and have recently been experimenting more with aspects of bdsm and group scenes, even if mostly in fantasy/sext, thus far.

I am definitely keen to explore less traditional m/f means of sexual connection with Jester - outside of the realms of PIV, oral and anal sex. I believe that as we all age, we could really benefit from expanding the scope of physical intimacy.
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Last edited by lunabunny; 02-14-2018 at 09:26 PM.
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  #26  
Old 02-14-2018, 04:00 PM
Nox Nox is offline
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Originally Posted by lunabunny View Post
Forgive my naiveté, but here goes...

Sure, a WOMAN (lesbian or not) can still achieve an amazing, beautiful, connected and exciting sex life, range of sensations, and reach orgasm without the aid of an erect penis or PIV sex. Women can enjoy and even get off on kissing, breast/nipple play, stimulation of various erogenous zones and achieve orgasm via any number of means, especially clitoral and G-spot stimulation with mouth/lips/tongue, fingers, sex toys and various objects.

Likewise, a man can enjoy a range of physical sensations that are not directly related to, or don't require an erect penis. Many males seek connection and physical pleasure from kissing and cuddling, having their skin stroked, nipples, scrotum, perineum, anus and/or prostate stimulated. These things can all be emotionally and physically gratifying, and arousing on their own.

Yet I'm not sure if it's possible for a man to enjoy sexual intimacy in the same way, or rather, on the same level as an (orgasmic) woman can, without the man ever being able to achieve an erection or orgasm. Somebody please enlighten me. Is it possible for a man to achieve orgasm via prostate play, say, WITHOUT being able to maintain an erection?
That implies that orgasm is essential to a satisfying sexual experience. While I wouldn't want to go without orgasm on an extended basis, it isn't required.

One of my most fun sexual times was a light bondage session where I never had an orgasm but very much enjoyed giving my partner pleasure.
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  #27  
Old 02-14-2018, 04:11 PM
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Spork Spork is offline
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Thing that I know are possible for men, from experience and what they have told me:

Orgasm/ejaculation without erection (with or without prostate play)
Orgasm without ejaculation

For what it is worth, too, I raise an eyebrow at the (common enough) thinking or behavior, that a woman has all of these wonderful sensitive areas all over her body to be explored and stimulated, but when it comes to the man, it's all about the D, and to heck with the rest. I'm not aiming this at anyone here, but rather at the ideology I grew up with in "vanilla/normal/not very experimental" sex situations with regular-joe type partners. People who wouldn't be caught dead cracking a book on Tantra, for instance.

What I'm getting at is, when you take the focus off the erection, as FallenAngelina has talked about, you still have this whole other human body (and brain! lest we forget) to give pleasure to and to play with.
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  #28  
Old 02-14-2018, 09:24 PM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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That implies that orgasm is essential to a satisfying sexual experience. While I wouldn't want to go without orgasm on an extended basis, it isn't required.
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that at all, Nox. Sorry if I wasn't clear.

I was asking a specific question regarding the orgasmic possibilities for men who rarely or never achieve/sustain an erection. I asked out of curiosity more than anything else, as it doesn't particularly pertain to my partner's current situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spork View Post
Thing that I know are possible for men, from experience and what they have told me:

Orgasm/ejaculation without erection (with or without prostate play)
^ I have never personally experienced this with a lover, hence my earlier question. I suspected it was possible, but didn't really have any basis for making that assumption, so thanks to you and those who have enlightened me.

Quote:
Orgasm without ejaculation
On the other hand, I have experienced this with a couple of partners on the odd occasion.

Quote:
For what it is worth, too, I raise an eyebrow at the (common enough) thinking or behavior, that a woman has all of these wonderful sensitive areas all over her body to be explored and stimulated, but when it comes to the man, it's all about the D, and to heck with the rest.

What I'm getting at is, when you take the focus off the erection, as FallenAngelina has talked about, you still have this whole other human body (and brain! lest we forget) to give pleasure to and to play with.
[/QUOTE]

It does often seem as though the focus is on penetrative sex, or at the very least, stimulation of the erect penis to orgasm at some point during proceedings, whether the participants are m/f or m/m.

I can't speak to the latter, however (as a middle-aged, heteroflexible woman), I can say with certainty that not only do I regularly engage in a variety of sexual activities that by no means need an erect penis to be fulfilling... but, in my later years, have cultivated the ability to achieve orgasm without the aid of physical stimulation (either by self, another person, or toy/object).

I think I blew my own mind the day I discovered I was capable of that feat. Although it takes a fair deal of concentration and some pretty creative fantasising to "get there", with enough time and minimal distraction, I can usually achieve this at will.
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Red: M, 52, ex-husband, straight
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