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Old 06-22-2018, 10:41 PM
kinkylove97 kinkylove97 is offline
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Default Bi Femaly / Straight male looking for female

Hi, my names Ashley and he is Mike were a Polyamorous couple looking for a female! I have seen sites about unicorns, and unicorn hunters, and HBBs but where are some good places to look for our new partner like apps, dating sites, forums? WHat are some tips u have for us?
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Old 06-22-2018, 11:58 PM
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majormerrick majormerrick is offline
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 73

You're not going to find it online. Its just that simple. Everybody and their brother is on the internet looking for women, and it is much easier for a woman to find a man online than the reverse. This becomes doubly hard if you are a couple looking for a woman - that seems to be the universal fantasy.

Your best bet is to hang out with like-minded people and do activities you enjoy. Sooner or later you might run across someone who you both fall in love with, but the odds are against you.

My husband Ares ended up with his first two wives as almost a package deal. He married Reina first, and she and Swift knew each other. Swift was already quite attached to Reina, and insisted that Ares marry her when she got older. I ended up with Renarde and Corsac in a similar way...Renarde couldn't live without having Corsac for a partner, so it just kind of happened. Ares and I had been childhood friends and dated when we were younger. Eventually, our friendship came back around to the romantic side, and we joined our two triads into a nest.

The point I'm making is that if you make a friend, that's what could lead to a relationship. Trying to find strangers and get to know them simply for the purpose of looking for a third partner is likely to end in failure.
Me – early 30’s (F) lesbi-flexible. Ares' wife #3
“Ares” – early 30’s (M) straight. my husband, head of our household.
“Renarde” - Late 20’s, (fluid/female) lesbi-flexible. my GF#1
“Corsac” - Early 20’s (F) lesbian. my GF#2
“Reina “- Late 20’s (F) bisexual. Ares' Wife #1
“Swift” – 20 (F) bisexual. Ares' Wife #2, my intimate partner
“Artemis” – late 20’s (F) bisexual, my GF#3.
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Old 06-23-2018, 12:18 AM
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Emm Emm is offline
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Location: Australia
Posts: 1,486

Was the So, someone called you a Unicorn Hunter? essay amongst the sites you've seen? It has some very useful tips on what not to do.
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Old 06-23-2018, 12:28 AM
tryingtobecontent tryingtobecontent is offline
Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 35

Originally Posted by majormerrick View Post
Your best bet is to hang out with like-minded people and do activities you enjoy. Sooner or later you might run across someone who you both fall in love with, but the odds are against you.
FWIW i'm very new to polyamory but know that this lifestyle is for me. The way I was introduced into this was through my partner of 5+ years whom had a female friend we met through music preferences that she regularly talked to through texts for a few months. We met once in person and started to hang out relatively regularly. We all have feelings for eachother and so far have successfully shared a connection. So I agree, the friendship before the intimacy is what has had me hooked. I'm attracted to her personality and physically immensely in both aspects.

Anyone here can tell you I'm brand new here but just sharing what felt comfortable to me. This is my first experience so I honestly dont know what I'm talking about other than the way my partner and I feel as a couple currently about another partner that we have been sharing.

If you do your research you will understand that not only the couple needs to have a relationship with the new person but each of you should have a relationship developing independent of eachother. Just sharing knowledge ive learned through these forums for the most part.

Last edited by tryingtobecontent; 06-23-2018 at 12:30 AM.
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Old 06-23-2018, 06:45 AM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: NW Minnesota
Posts: 1,724

Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
people assume that's what polyamory is all about. And they show up here demanding the secrets of how to get THEIR assorted HBB sister-wives.
And people think I make this stuff up.

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Old 06-23-2018, 10:05 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 7,005

I also recommend reading, So Someone Called You A Unicorn Hunter.

Generally it's a bad idea to go out there as a married couple expecting to find a HBB to "share." Sometimes you can find a gal interested in a bit of 3way SEX, sure. You might end up in bed with someone and have a little fun a time or 3. But having long term caring relationships (which is poly, not just fucking around) is whole other kettle of fish.

Most polyamorous couples date separately and don't have group sex. But often married couples will think, "Oh, we want to do this together!" Well, a new female partner isn't a sex toy to be shared. She's a full person with feelings and needs of her own. She might prefer one or the other of a couple after the NRE wears off. One of you might end up not getting along with her, while the other one is fine. Then what do you do? Do you have a veto where the Unicorn must be dumped if she doesn't fit your parameters of a shared experience where all sex with her, and dates with her, are a threesome deal? Or, is it OK to have one on one sex with her, and one on one dates?

Is it OK if she is poly and has another partner already? Is it OK if she has kids? Is it OK if she doesn't want to live with you? Is it OK for you both to move with her if she gets a job in another state? If one of you gets a job in another state, and she doesn't want to move, what then?

All that said, you can go on OK Cupid or Fetlife and try. But please spend time reading first so you understand the pitfalls of unicorn hunting, to lessen the potential disasters.

Opening Up (book)
More Than Two (book and website)
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 63)
Pixi (poly, F, 41) my nesting partner since January 2009
Master, (mono, M, 37), Pixi's bf since April 2013
BigGuy (poly, M, married, 43, dating me since June 2018)
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Old 06-24-2018, 03:12 AM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 16,995

Hello Ashley,
OKCupid is your most likely bet as far as dating sites go. Others are ...
And there are phone apps, such as Tinder, Skout, and others. Hopefully this helps.
Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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Old 02-17-2019, 04:08 AM
kinkylove97 kinkylove97 is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 3
Default We Found Our Unicorn

HEy guys just wanted to let u all know we found our unicorn and shes perfect thank u for all the replys
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Old 02-18-2019, 01:10 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 493

Definitely keep us updated on how that goes.
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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Old 02-18-2019, 12:49 PM
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FallenAngelina FallenAngelina is offline
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Location: Long Island, NY
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Originally Posted by kinkylove97 View Post
we found our unicorn and shes perfect )
I'd be curious to know how long this relationship endures. The only thing more scarce than a unicorn is perfection.
~ Karen
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female, poly, unicorn

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