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  #11  
Old 06-16-2018, 08:00 PM
Ravenscroft Ravenscroft is offline
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Quote:
The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often.
Quote:
The mere-exposure effect is a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them. ... In studies of interpersonal attraction, the more often a person is seen by someone, the more pleasing and likeable that person appears to be.
Twice, I have been dating a younger woman (about my wife's age) & found myself in flirtatious situations with the mother. (My early lovers were a bit older than me.) If there had been more time/distance separation, I might have explored the possibility, but they interacted regularly & got along well, so I didn't see where sex with both would improve the situation for anyone.

Siblings... no, probably not. Maybe if they both had already been nonmonogamous, but even then I'd be concerned about childhood rivalries recurring -- even if well-experienced problem solvers, that could be a lot of baggage to unpack.
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  #12  
Old 06-17-2018, 10:20 AM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Originally Posted by lunabunny View Post
There is also the possibility that you're infatuated with the sister mainly due to either:

a.) Proximity. If she's always around, and you're seeing her in (non-sexual) intimate moments, such as when she's half-dressed in the mornings, or sleepy-cute, or kind of tipsy after a few after-dinner drinks, the daily intimacy may "trick" your brain/hormones into thinking you're more attracted to this woman than you otherwise would be under normal circumstances.

b.) Similarities to your wife. You love and are attracted to your wife, presumably. This is her sister, so I can assume there are some, if not many, similarities between them. Even if they don't look that much alike, or share all the same interests, there will undoubtedly be certain mannerisms, tone of voice, family traits or likewise, that "remind" you of your wife, when you're interacting with her sister. Over time, this may fool your subconscious into associating the sister with your wife, and finding those similarities attractive in both of them.
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Originally Posted by Ravenscroft View Post
Quote:
The propinquity effect is the tendency for people to form friendships or romantic relationships with those whom they encounter often.

Quote:
The mere-exposure effect is a psychological phenomenon by which people tend to develop a preference for things merely because they are familiar with them. ... In studies of interpersonal attraction, the more often a person is seen by someone, the more pleasing and likeable that person appears to be.
Ah, yes... propinquity!

This is what I was trying to get at above (both things) though for the life of me I couldn't recall the exact terminology, Ravenscroft.
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  #13  
Old 07-04-2018, 08:03 AM
sincereCat sincereCat is offline
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Okay, definitely time for an update!
My wife and I have done a 180. My feelings for her sister are still there, stronger than ever, but my wife told me a few days ago that she was starting to get used to it. More than that, yesterday she actually told me that part of her wants it to happen. That's right! She is seeing the idea in a very positive light, contrary to my expectations. She's been actively trying to get her sister to talk to me more (as friends, so we can get to know each other better). We have talked about how happy it makes me when we are all spending time together, and she says she loves seeing the look on my face when I'm enjoying their company. She really seems 100% okay with how I feel, and not at all insecure. That may be because we've become more affectionate with each other here lately, and we talk a lot about her sister and what would/wouldn't change if I had a relationship with her too.

I don't know what's ahead, but I had to share this unexpected turn of events. I will still want to be cautious moving forward. But right now, I'm even more in love with my wife than before because I feel like she finally understands what I'm seeing and feeling. Anyway, sorry this was so long-winded.
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  #14  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:10 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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You know whose opinion really matters here? Your wife’s sister. And while being honest is good, all this pre-game planning borders on the creepy.

Do NOT proposition her while she lives with you or is in any way dependent on you. She cannot give a full and clear consent in that situation.

Sometimes people come here and write fantasies instead of what is happening in their lives. I wonder if you are such a writer. The wife being all onboard and flinging her sister your way strains credibility. Maybe you are real, maybe you are not.

But if you are real, you are heading for a very high cliff with deep waters and sharp rocks. I would strongly urge you not to hit on her at all. Feelings are not a reason to take such a risk.
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  #15  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:26 PM
lunabunny lunabunny is offline
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Originally Posted by lunabunny View Post
you're going through all these angsty "what ifs" right now, without even knowing if the sister has any romantic interest in you whatsoever!

I think a sister is almost always a "messy person" when it comes to polyamorous relationships - unless you have some VERY clear indicators that BOTH the sister AND your wife are into such an arrangement.
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
You know whose opinion really matters here? Your wife’s sister. And while being honest is good, all this pre-game planning borders on the creepy.

Do NOT proposition her while she lives with you or is in any way dependent on you. She cannot give a full and clear consent in that situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sincereCat View Post
my wife told me a few days ago that she was starting to get used to it. More than that, yesterday she actually told me that part of her wants it to happen.

we talk a lot about her sister and what would/wouldn't change if I had a relationship with her too.
I agree with Opalescent.

What gives with you and wife discussing in such detail a potential relationship between you and her own sister --- without even knowing if said sister has the sort of feelings for you that would even warrant such a discussion in the first place??

I still believe your wife's sister is a "messy person" (out of bounds, basically) due to a.) the fact that she is an immediate relative and the emotional fall-out that could and probably will ensue... and b.) the fact that she currently lives with you, and is therefore dependent on you in some fashion.

Whether you want this, and whether of not your wife is "coming around" to seeing a potential V (triad??) relationship from your pov is kind of a moot point at this stage. Nothing can or will happen unless you approach the sister and spell out your feelings for her... but in all honesty, I do NOT think that's such a great idea. Think carefully.
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Jester: M, 59, straight, "it's complicated"
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Red: M, 52, ex-husband, straight
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  #16  
Old 07-04-2018, 05:34 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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It's ok to fantasize about it with your wife and get turned on or grow closer. Fantasy is a safe space for that.

But to actually bring it about?

Say sister moves out so she's not your dependent. And both wife and sister and cool with it. That doesn't mean their family is cool with it. Or their work is cool with it.

The "ripple effect" goes beyond that little bubble you, wife, and sister. Not to mention what happens if they get pregnant. Or how this affects current kids/your niece. Will the kids/niece be shunned though none of it is her doing? Bullying? No kid bday party invites because their parents don't want THEIR kids associating with "those people?" Even out to hate crime? There's a reason people move to cities with more diversity/tolerance. I don't know where you live and you don't have to say. But think on it.

Think VERY carefully about this. If it goes wrong... what can be affected? How far does the ripple effect go? Are you willing to risk those things? Can you afford to risk those things? Can you afford to move elsewhere to start over from a clean slate?

I really think leaving it to fantasy is best. If you and wife are up for opening the marriage and being in a "V" -- keep discussing. Later on when ready? Pick a less complicated person to date than her sister.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 07-04-2018 at 05:51 PM.
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  #17  
Old 07-05-2018, 11:39 AM
powerpuffgrl1969 powerpuffgrl1969 is offline
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OP, don't you even CARE about what could possibly happen to the relationship between your wife and her sister? You evidently do not. This insanity of your wife trying to push her sister towards you is stomach-churning.

However, you aren't going to listen to a word anyone says because this is TRUE LOVE and must NOT be denied. As others have said, what about the effect this is going to have on your niece?
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  #18  
Old 07-05-2018, 06:29 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Incest is very popular in porn.

Mother and daughter having sex with one man. Sisters, especially twins, having sex with one man. Siblings having sex with each other. Fathers or step fathers with their daughters. Mothers or step mothers with their sons. Taboo! Yay! What a turn on!

All the people here who post about wanting to have sex with siblings either leave after being told it's a terrible idea, or agree it's too messy, or are fiction writers and are outed as trolls.

I once had a short lived crush on a brother in law. The husband of my husband's sister. My own husband worked long hours with a long commute. Sometimes he'd sleep at work during crunch times, getting a product ready for market. I had 3 young children and my evenings were long, conversation was on the inane side, given the age of my kids.

My BIL was a long distance trucker, and for a time my house was in the middle of his route. He'd stop by for dinner and conversation once or twice a month. My husband wouldn't be home.

I barely liked the guy. He wasn't my type, he wasn't that smart, he was too Christian, etc etc. But he was big and handsome, a body builder, his conversation was a bit more adult than my kids' was, he ate and complimented my cooking, he sincerely asked my opinion on things (again, he wasn't that smart, was easily confused or overwhelmed by life).

I found myself staring at his sexy neck curls. His biceps.

Ugh. I held myself in check. And luckily his driving route soon changed.

Icky icky. Messy messy.

Don't do it. And if you're writing fiction, please go away. This is a board for real people. Incest is popular here amongst trolls who invade our much needed safe space for actual polyamorists.
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