polyamory or machismo?

birdpowers

New member
Hi. I hope this is the right thread. I'm a bisexual male who has experienced a couple of times the situation where the male half of a couple that I was involved with purported to be open and polyamorous but ended up only being comfortable a female third. Sorry if my lingo is lacking, but I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this, and what your thoughts are on this topic. Thank you.
 
You mean you've had sexual threesomes with a male and female, and you thought you'd get touched by the guy, as he purported to be bi, but it turned out he was more straight than expected?
 
Of course other people have experienced this. Many men are straight.

(Giving respect to Mags' answer, but trying not to be redundant.)

For some men, many men, a whole heap of "normal" straight dudes and many who don't even know about the word "polyamory" the idea of a threesome, as long as it's them getting to play with two women or watch two women, is the only kind of open they'd consider.

Even in my quad, and among many poly folks I know, the men just don't have sex with one another, because they are pretty much straight. Unless someone has specified to you that they are bi, they don't have to be bi in order to be poly. Poly comes in all kinds of shapes. A husband might be open and poly but not even want to MEET his wife's boyfriend, let alone have sex with him. Or they might be friends. Or he might like to watch but not participate. Or he might want to participate, but not to touch or be touched by the other guy.

Nothing wrong with any of it, as long as everyone is on the same page about what they're expecting and wanting.
 
I am very hetero oriented sexually. I have no urge to have sex with other women what so ever. If I were to partake in a fmf threesome, I would not have sexual contact with the other woman involved.

I am very poly (I have two long time male partners who I love more than life itself)but I am not bisexual.
 
I didn't read the OP as meaning he was involved with sexual threesomes with a couple. I read it as he was involved with the couple--or the female half thereof--romantically, with the man saying it was okay but then instituting a OPP.

Hopefully the OP will be back to clarify
 
Hi birdpowers,

I reviewed your earlier posts, http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=153545#post153545 and http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?p=153676#post153676 ... don't know if it's the same situation today but it sounds similar. Like maybe you are hoping for a relationship with the Man, but he has not reciprocated your affections, and now he doesn't want you to be involved with the Woman either? Is that the basic situation?

I'm truly sorry if you've invested several years into this relationship, it sounds like it is not working out. What does the Woman have to say? Does she still want to be involved with you?

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
When this subject comes up, there's always a clear dichotomy of SEX vs. NOT EVEN IN THE SAME ROOM. In there no latitude for nonsexual affection (erotic, sensual) in peoples' minds?

Has no one else here ever had a threesome where the two "vee arms" weren't at all into each other -- figuratively OR literally :D -- but didn't get all weirded out about the possibility of touching? Like, just because two women are bi doesn't mean they're necessarily particularly interested in having sex with each other but are okeydokey (in that moment, at least) with having an interstitial male.

Compared to some people around here, my sex life has been amazingly vanilla... yet I've had plenty of situations where the "arms" (of which I was occasionally) did just fine. Details upon request ;) but here I'll avoid sordid details, & just say my experiences range MFM, FMF, MMFM, FMM, & MFF, as well as various three- & foursomes where there was huge latitude to play, experience, learn.
 
I believe the OP mean he's been sexually involved with both halves of a m/f couple, and though his male lover was ok with having sex and threesomes with the OP, the man balks at accepting another man as a third in a real triad. In other words, the man will have sex with another man, but not a relationship.

My guess is the male half of the couple may be bisexual, but not "biamorous." Or, he might not want to have to come out as LGBT, which he wouldn't have to do if he had two girlfriends. Or he feels less jealous of his female partner being with a woman than with another man.
 
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Well, I've also seen people get upset because they had hoped for one thing and had trouble finding it, or it didn't pan out in a few instances they encountered.

Example: A friend posted a rant where there was a girl at a party that he found attractive, and she had told people that she and her boyfriend were poly. So he struck up a flirtation, hoping it might go somewhere. And then she told him that she was not allowed to date other men, only other women.

He felt cheated of an opportunity. But he wasn't entitled to that opportunity in the first place. Merely being poly doesn't mean being available, or unconditionally available. While I might have my own opinions about people "allowing" their poly partner to only date one or another gender...it isn't my relationship to speak to, if I'm not asked my opinion.

And in fact, even in a couple where both partners are poly, and even if the male half were bi, there is no guarantee he's going to be sexually attracted to the male third, just because his female partner is.
 
I didn't read the OP as meaning he was involved with sexual threesomes with a couple. I read it as he was involved with the couple--or the female half thereof--romantically, with the man saying it was okay but then instituting a OPP.

Hopefully the OP will be back to clarify

Oh, you're right. So much for my reading comprehension!

This is the OP's first post since 2012. Who knows what he's been up to in the last 4 years? lol
 
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