Craigslist isn't working

roys101

New member
Wife is 42. I'm 50. We're vegetarian. Stereotypically looking for a woman to join us for LTR. Of course I can't find one. Especially with the limitation of being veggie. And we're not of the "typical" poly age, I guess. And we live in a small town. Argh! Just needed to vent. Where can I look besides CL? Thanks. Chris.
 
Try dating separately, it will be much easier to meet people as many women aren't into dating a couple. I don't think being a vegetarian is a deal breaker for most as long as you can accept being with a meat eater.
 
I agree with Inyourendo about dating separately. Also, for me CL is not a place to find a long term relationship. I would try OKCupid. If you simply must date as a couple, OKC at least gives you a way to link your two profiles, so both of you get to explain yourself, your personality, and interests in your own words, and those who are interested can contact you both separately and figure out if there is a connection with both of you before proceeding. It never ceases to amaze me when you get couples complaining that their unicorn seems to be more into one of them than the other, when only one of them has been communicating with the other 'for' both halves of the couple for months. A persons voice and character comes through in communication/profiles, so definitely have one each.
 
I'm a bisexual vegetarian....but I don't date couples that come as "package deals," meaning if I only really want one of you, I get dumped. Most experienced poly women feel similarly, and remember, most attractive poly bi women already come with a partner (or two.) Also, Craigslist feels to me like a lazy, sloppy place to look for love. It requires zero financial investment, no profile, not even a picture. Most posters don't even bother to use proper English.
 
It isn't your age causing the issue or being vegetarian it is the fact that you're unicorn hunting that is the issue.

Date separately you will have far more success.
 
Let's set aside the usual "unicorn" bashing.

roys101, you probably haven't thought this whole thing through. Walk with me through a few considerations.

Imagine being single. As in just you, living by yourself, otherwise right where you are this moment, locationally & situationally.

How would YOU go about finding a life-partner?

Me, the first thing I would NOT do is decide "I'm gonna go find me a wife on Craigslist!! Betcha I can get 'em to reduce the price, too!!" :D

How did you meet your wife?

How long did you know each other before you became interested in each other?

How long did you court before you got engaged?

How long were you engaged before you got married?


There's ZERO reason to believe that you are going to find a "life partner" in LESS time at each of those stages!!

How many women other than your current spouse have you ever been at least mildly interested in? When you were "open to possibilities," you weren't as picky -- let's face it, chances are high that your wife was simply tolerable (& you for her) & you talked yourself into everything subsequent. Anyway, take the number of dates you've had, halve it -- that is the absolute minimum number of available women you're likely to have to date before finding someone who might live up to your standards.

Okay, so let's pretend that you find a magical online site where there's all sorts of women running free.

Does she need to be bisexual? slim? pretty? in top health? younger than you? Write down a list of such "deal breakers," then accept that each item will on average chop the field in half.

How do you react if she has two toddlers? five cats? an asthmatic Rottweiler? ten parrots? her own house? All these things kinda shout that she has a life of her own & doesn't need you to rescue her.

What happens if she falls for one of you, & finds the other tolerable?

What happens if you meet your ideal woman & she's rarin' to go... but has no interest in moving in?

Or you get one who moves in, but a year down the road you or your wife "just don't feel the love anymore"?
Who gets booted out of the house? or do you just trade her in on a new one?

How many stumbles & false starts & misunderstandings have you had at each stage? Have you ever reached the point of almost breaking off the relationship entirely? Okay, now take each of those little glitches, & quadruple their occurrence, because you're going to have FOUR relationships -- A + B, A + C, B + C, A + B + C.

That last one is important, because if (say) A + C are having a tiff, B might get disgusted with BOTH of 'em & walk out. If your aim is "conatnt togetherness," then there's not much room left for being an individual.

In fact, because of the way most of us are enculturated, we cannot even IMAGINE being a solo individual once we have encoupled & stepped together onto the "relationship escalator" that ends in death. That's why some people remain married a half-century past the point they discover deep mutual loathing, actual nauseous disgust.

That's only a short list, & mostly focused on prenuptials, but you get the idea.
 
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Hi Chris,

OKCupid will probably work better for you than CraigsList, however it will take a long time no matter what.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I suggest OK Cupid, too.

But even more, I suggest real life.

Meetups, and events you might find if you sign up on fetlife.com (I don't know if you are kinky, but there are poly communities that sometimes advertise get togethers on fetlife, too.)

Be prepared to drive a little bit.

But seriously though, you live on the beautiful Oregon coast, if you're being honest about your location...small town or not, you ought to be able to find someone. Would you consider relocating a woman from a big city in the region like Portland, or up in Washington, or down in CA? I could see, if I were young and not sure what I was doing with life, but vegetarian as many in that area are...considering getting to know a couple and living with them, relocating to do so. I can imagine people for whom that might work.

But Craigslist is usually seen as super sketchy. People might think you're a murderer. I would look for other alternatives, seriously.
 
Try OpenMinded

Sounds like you're having issues connecting with like-minded people in your area. Why don't you give OpenMinded.com a try? The site just became free to all users, as of yesterday.
 
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