This is a lot of work. (TP's story, when she feels like updating)

An interesting reversal

So, we're married! It was phenomenal, to say the least. A ceremony with much mention of being faithful, loving, respectful, caring and all sorts of other things you can and should be in any relationship. But no mention of one and only forever and ever. :)

Mr. A attended and had a good time, for the most part. There was a little awkwardness in explaining himself to friends and family who aren't in the know. But I made sure he sat with a good friend of mine and his GF who are in an open-in-the-right-circumstances relationship. They were extremely supportive and I am forever grateful.

A piece of advice to anyone who might find themselves in similar circumstances; have a back story for your relationship to the couple. Everyone at the wedding was explaining how they were related to us, but Mr. A could only say, "I'm a friend." Something we didn't think of. :(

The marriage caused a shift in my relationship with Indigo, or at least my awareness. It was a confirmation of the deep-running feelings and connection we share. This caused a bit of a surprise for me with Mr. A.

Over the past five months with Mr. A, our relationship has been changing steadily, naturally, while things with Indigo have been more static. At first, each time a change with Mr. A occured, or a new feeling developed, I would compare it to my relationship with Indigo. This was distressing, because I noticed some things with Mr. A that I didn't feel with Indigo. However, I knew I still loved Indigo, no matter what I felt for Mr. A, and eventually I relaxed and let both relationships be what they were and simply observed. With this change in my attitude came the realization that I didn't feel certain things for Indigo because I had already felt them. They were parts of a new relationship, not an established one.

Well, last night, I went over to see Mr. A and had a bit of panic when the reverse occured. I did not feel the same solid, soul-deep, connection I have now experienced with Indigo. Luckily, I was able to recognize that this was because these are two relationships in very different places and as unique as the people involved. And neither of these connections diminishes the other in any way. They both are what they are and should be enjoyed as such.

So for anyone out there reading, don't panic if you should experience the same. These loves of mine are very different in my heart. My mono-trained, logical brain wanted to rank them, but my heart has prevailed and simply loves.
 
Vows

My vows (borrowed and slightly modified from St. Augustine), for anyone interested:

"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness; it is not excitement; it's not promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love, which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love, itself, is what is left over, when being in love has burned away." Indigo, I love you. And today is the day I tell you that it is inconceivable to me that we should ever part.
 
Congrats! Beautiful vows too.

I'm glad it was brilliant! I'm also glad Mr. A was able to find some comfort at the wedding being able to hang with some people who weren't given him the 'eyebrow'. :)

Luckily, whenver I unite with someone, I'm so open with my life that my partners can introduce themselves as such without worrying about the reactions and/or knowledge (or lack thereof) of others. I wonder what ponderings have been on Mr. A's mind since the wedding regarding his 'title' as introduced at the wedding? Has he shared?
 
Congrats! Beautiful vows too.

I'm glad it was brilliant! I'm also glad Mr. A was able to find some comfort at the wedding being able to hang with some people who weren't given him the 'eyebrow'. :)

Luckily, whenver I unite with someone, I'm so open with my life that my partners can introduce themselves as such without worrying about the reactions and/or knowledge (or lack thereof) of others. I wonder what ponderings have been on Mr. A's mind since the wedding regarding his 'title' as introduced at the wedding? Has he shared?

I'm open with my life, but Indigo's family was there and it's his choice when/how to come out.

We spoke about everything the next day. Mr. A was a disappointed not to be able to meet my dad, but felt it wasn't the time and place to introduce himself and cause a potentially awkward scene. He said the experience overall was only about 10% as awkward as he'd thought it would be.

We all did the best we could, given the circumstances. I think there's a bit of regret on all sides that we don't live in a perfect, accepting world, but what can be done? We're getting there as well as we can.
 
Completely understandable about Indigo. I'm glad the experience was better than what Mr. A prepared himself for. *sigh* The world can definitely put a crack in our snowglobe at times. Many many warm wishes coming your way~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Talk about it.

I have been posting less frequently on the forum.

Everything is going really well on our end, so I don't really have issues to ask advice on. And it seems to be poor taste to start a thread about how awesome my life is and hey look at me over here! *waves arms*

I'm still reading. The problem is, I am stuck in an advice rut. Either people's problems seem so overwhelmingly huge that I wouldn't know where to start, or the answer to me is, "Why don't you just ask him/her/them?"

Really, it works.

When I have a problem, I talk to DH and/or BF about it. I try very hard to express my problem in terms of what I need. For example, I had a very important concert that I was part of on a weekend that BF had to be away on training. We were both disappointed he couldn't make it, but I accepted this without incident. However, he didn't text or message me at all the day of the concert, and only texted something about his day while I was in the concert. After, I told him I was very hurt that he hadn't wished me luck and seemed to have forgotten about it. It turned out he had. And he was really sorry, because he knew how hurt I was. We discussed this productively and I tried to take everything he said as the truth, something I struggle with at times.

Because we were texting, and he was under a lot of pressure during this training, I accepted his apology and made sure to tell him I considered the issue addressed and resolved, and not to worry about me harbouring ill-will about the incident. He told me he appreciated this immensely.

I feel so lucky to have two people I can communicate 100% honestly with, and receive the same in return. No guesswork. No games.
 
Hey there TP :D Please do keep posting - your story is important to many of us out here... knowing that it is possible and that someone out there is doing it, living it breathing it...

It's good to know there are more than just Redpepper and Mono's grouping that are succeeding... your minutiae may seem meaningless to you - but to the rest of us, we value it.

And please do comment as well, your opinions are valued as exactly that, your opinion - another point of view that maybe hasn't been explored or looked at from .. quite that angle yet...

I know I would be interested in your input on my thread... not that I think there's much anyone can say right now... I certainly would value any input :p
 
Hey there TP :D Please do keep posting - your story is important to many of us out here... knowing that it is possible and that someone out there is doing it, living it breathing it...

It's good to know there are more than just Redpepper and Mono's grouping that are succeeding... your minutiae may seem meaningless to you - but to the rest of us, we value it.

And please do comment as well, your opinions are valued as exactly that, your opinion - another point of view that maybe hasn't been explored or looked at from .. quite that angle yet...

I know I would be interested in your input on my thread... not that I think there's much anyone can say right now... I certainly would value any input :p

Let me go take a look!
 
Your story is inspiring Trucker Pete. I think you are the first couple on here that I know of who have gone into a marriage. Your hubby's perspective as a mostly mono guy who is probably the most together person I have heard about on here is truly something for people to draw strength from. Yours is a story of success and unique perspective.

Keep on sharing :)
 
Your story is inspiring Trucker Pete. I think you are the first couple on here that I know of who have gone into a marriage. Your hubby's perspective as a mostly mono guy who is probably the most together person I have heard about on here is truly something for people to draw strength from. Yours is a story of success and unique perspective.

Keep on sharing :)

My hubby ... still strange to hear that!

Yes, even when we were moving "slowly" with poly, I realize now that he processed things at an amazing speed. I've seen many couples on here take longer or break, or drop off the board. Or sometimes see people who seem to have it together struggle with issues we've already laid to rest.

Granted the very next post I read on a given day could describe issues we've yet to tackle, but everyone seems to go about things in a different order!
 
Your story is inspiring Trucker Pete. I think you are the first couple on here that I know of who have gone into a marriage. Your hubby's perspective as a mostly mono guy who is probably the most together person I have heard about on here is truly something for people to draw strength from. Yours is a story of success and unique perspective.

Keep on sharing :)

Thank you Mono, the admiration is mutual.

In truth, I don't like TP very much I married her more for financial reasons than anything else...so Mr. A getting her the hell out of my hair for a while is great! because some times I want to take one of those stupid pillows while shes asleep an-....wait what was the question?

In real truthfulness any stability I have with regard to Poly comes from external sources. If Mr. A or TP handled or viewed our issues differently then I may not have been able to stabilize my own mindset. Ultimately it comes down to I love TP and consider Mr. A a friend so I take into consideration his feelings and her well being in my actions.
 
In real truthfulness any stability I have with regard to Poly comes from external sources. If Mr. A or TP handled or viewed our issues differently then I may not have been able to stabilize my own mindset. Ultimately it comes down to I love TP and consider Mr. A a friend so I take into consideration his feelings and her well being in my actions.

Would you just take a damn compliment?? :p
 
I agree that your posts are one to look forward to and I do not believe it is in poor taste to share the joys off your life at this point. I know many of us came here seeking advice but that quickly turns into a forum to share your daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly story in all its glory and gray.

Thank you for sharing and I look forward to continuing to watch your journey. (hugs)
 
A happy bubble

The three of us went to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra tonight. It was a phenomenal show, as usual. I got us great seats (third row centre in a crowd of about 5000).

Sitting there, snuggled between both guys, was an amazing feeling. *happy sigh*

So now, I'm in the back seat, most of the way through a two hour drive listening to Indigo and Mr. A discuss the minutia of having done time working at a call centre. They just finished talking about Star Wars. I'm not talking. Just listening and it's wonderful! I love seeing their friendship grow.

I'm a big, happy, back seat bubble! :eek:
 
@Indigo & TP...lmao...Indigo is hilarious (sidenote*I'd monitor him around the drinking water). I'm glad things are going great. Please do keep us posted.

...and, TP, thanks for stopping by. *hugs*
 
Life moves swimmingly along!

The holidays passed quite smoothly for us. I feel very lucky.

Indigo was extremely free with my time. We had most days together, so Mr. A and I had three overnights, as opposed to our usual one.

I'm lazy, so I'll cross-post what I wrote in another thread:
I had a perfect New Year's Eve. To start, Indigo and I went to eat at a classy place in town. We had a lovely dinner, then went for a walk and had coffee after.

He then dropped me at Mr. A's, where I had some much need time to myself. Had a great shower and curled up in bed with a book, waiting for Mr. A to come back from dinner with his parents.

He got back and we had a great time. It was his first positive experience with a SO on NYE, so I was happy to be there for him. We played Halo and chatted with Indigo, then went to bed and spent much of the next day together. Indigo picked me up and we had a nice nap together that afternoon.

Just a wonderful 24 hours!

Thank you, both of you. :eek:
 
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