I like this thread.
Regarding a previous post about frequency of breakups, arguments, etc...
I think that's actually pretty off-base. In my experience and from my observations of others:
Arguments are FAR less common AND less severe. Communication is SO key to all this, that if a poly relationship gets anywhere near serious or long term, talking aout everything, all the time, and respecting each others seemingly most trivial feelings becomes second nature. Should on erupt with 3 or 4 people all disagreeing, or heavan forbid 2 or 3 people ganging up on one, I can see the point. But in our house I can assure you that this has never happened. Our patterns of open communication mean molehills usually get dealt with while they're anthills, much less mountains. Our biggest arguments might rate a small foothill. More often than not, 2 people disagree and the 3rd and/or 4th act as mediators and facilitators - very rarely does an issue arise that all parties have an interest in worth arguing about. Those occasions where something affects all of us are even easier to deal with becuase they get found out that much faster. Mono's have it MUCH harder here IMHO. Now, just for the sake of saing it, my house is me and 3 women - so I'm VERY careful not to make "typical guy" mistakes, LMAO! 3 pissed of girlfriends all in the same house - no thank you.
Breakups - statistically, I bet they happen with about the same frequency. But in established poly groups, i don't see much in the way of breaakups. Usually a "growing apart" as people gravitate to another primary or some such; even core couples can grow apart peacably when there's a lot of love around and everyone is communicating! Indeed, I think mono's have it MUCH harder in this arena as well!
Insecurity - agai, you have a built-in network! In our house, we are addressing this right now as a matter of fact. Adrian has serious insecurity issues, and really truly thinks that as Lana and I become more physically intimate, she will be unwanted. We are ALL working REALLY hard to help her through this and help her understand that nothing could be farther from the truth! The potential is there, yes - but the support is, too. Again - open communication and respect FTW. And for the record, the numbers shown regarding cheating in "traditional" relationships are asinine, and insecurity is far harder to deal with in that context!
Spontaneity - I think this depends entirely on the people and situations involved. In many instances, poly allows for MORE spontaneity as there is always someone to "mind the store" or watch the kids if needs be. Again with the built-in support. Getting the whole group to work something out together is about the same as any group of adults - work schedules and whatnot all come into play. But with advanc planning, big things with the group can be done same as any family reunion or office party, and smaller things not involving the whole group are easier (we're lucky, all 3 girls now work together & my schedule is completely flexible, so we're not a good example, lol).
:shrug: