Polyamory was not even a word I was terribly familiar with up until about six months ago. Now swinging! Yes, that's a word that I know very well. My wife of fifteen years and I (I'm on a Greek mythology theme right here, so I'm going to call her Harmonia) have been swinging for quite a while. The two of us were introduced to that lifestyle a few years back after discussing it for a long time. Our first few experiences were a little bit rocky, but after a while we had fallen into a routine of meeting other couples and having a few sexual encounters, then backing off until the urge struck again. We had set strict rules that outlined the parameters of our encounters with others... all the usual stuff. We were very insecure about our spouse having other partners, so we kept it on a very tight leash. We insisted on the "same room" rule of swinging - as in, neither of us have sex without the other partner present in the same room. This was fine, and for the first couple years all of our meet ups either took place in a local swing club, or at a house party.
It's been in the last year that a couple of things have happened that have drastically changed the shape of our relationship and pushed us more into a poly lifestyle. About this time last year I met a woman at work that I'm going to call Eris (as a mythology fan herself, she would love the reference). With the exception of my wife, I have never seen anyone in my life who I have connected with so effortlessly and quickly. Now, I am ridiculously loyal to Harmonia. I have never had any real interest in a relationship outside of her, and I have never, ever thought of myself as anything other than completely monogamous... even WITH the presence of swinging in our lifestyle.
Eris and I met almost randomly. We happened to be working together one night and we just got to talking. Then we talked a little bit more the next night, then the next night. We had so much in common and I enjoyed her company so much... I looked forward to work every night just so I could get to spend some more time with her. Slowly, our friendship at work started to evolve into a friendship outside of work. I was promoted to a new position that involved me switching shifts, that led to our relationship evolving as it had become an entirely out of work thing. If never stopped growing from there... Eris started coming over for dinner every other week or so, and we hung out nearly every week on top of that.
Now... the question I still suck at answering...
When did I start having feelings for Eris above and beyond being friends? I have no idea. Somewhere between fifteen minutes after I met her and right around the beginning of the year, depending on when you start counting I suppose. I'm pretty damned good at ignoring stuff like this, and I kept it very tightly under wraps for quite a long time. Aside from vague daydreams of what maybe could be, I could see no real hope for anything substantive between Eris and I, so I simply brushed it all tidily under the rug. We DID talk about it, though. With the amount of time and the level of familiarity we show toward each other, there were and continue to be loads of workplace rumors surrounding the two of us. We find the whole thing really amusing, and liberating at the same time... the way we see it, if everyone in our workplace things we are fucking, then why not just be ourselves?
But still, nothing ever happened between us. Our relationship is completely platonic. Eris and I both explained our reasons why at one point... Mine was simple. I'm married to an amazing person who I would never do anything to hurt and I would never allow anything to happen with Eris that was not done with Harmonia's permission. Her reasons are that I'm more than a decade older than she is and I'm married with kids. The latter is the biggest reasons. She is terrified of the idea that she could come between our family.
Then the second thing happened... Right around May of this year Harmonia and I met another couple. They are a little bit younger than us and right in the process of getting married. Pontus and Thalassa are both very career oriented and although their interests are slanted more toward the stuff I like rather than what Harmonia likes, it is her that is more heavily invested in the relationship with them. It started with a few sexual encounters at their house and culminated in a fantastic weekend in a hotel room. But to everyone involved, by the end of a month or so, it was clear what was going on between us had gone beyond merely swinging. There was actually the beginnings of a poly relationship being planted there. Everyone reacted to this in a different way... most of the soul searching was done by Harmonia and Thalassa. They had bonded remarkably together, and it was because of this bond that I was the first one to let go of the entire "same room" rule that we had leading up to that moment. In fact, I didn't even care anymore about my wife going and spending time with one or both of them. Everything seemed so right that it was obvious that forming a real relationship with them was the logical next step.
This came pretty easy for me, I think, because these were concepts that I was already wrestling with on some level or another in my relationship with Eris. The idea that a poly relationship was forming elsewhere in our lives made me start to re-examine everything a little bit. This, combined with my wife and I reading The Ethical Slut, started to change my way of thinking on a lot of points. I realized that we could have other relationships outside our primaries without detracting from that important core relationship.
I think that Harmonia had some changes toward this relationship too. She had often acted defensive and territorial about Eris in the past, but since our relationship started with Thas and Pontus, she had curbed that way back. It has since become very common for all three of us to hang out together.
This brings us up to where we are right now, but I'm falling asleep. Tomorrow I'm going to what we have going on now an where are concerns are. Thank everyone who happens to be reading this.
It's been in the last year that a couple of things have happened that have drastically changed the shape of our relationship and pushed us more into a poly lifestyle. About this time last year I met a woman at work that I'm going to call Eris (as a mythology fan herself, she would love the reference). With the exception of my wife, I have never seen anyone in my life who I have connected with so effortlessly and quickly. Now, I am ridiculously loyal to Harmonia. I have never had any real interest in a relationship outside of her, and I have never, ever thought of myself as anything other than completely monogamous... even WITH the presence of swinging in our lifestyle.
Eris and I met almost randomly. We happened to be working together one night and we just got to talking. Then we talked a little bit more the next night, then the next night. We had so much in common and I enjoyed her company so much... I looked forward to work every night just so I could get to spend some more time with her. Slowly, our friendship at work started to evolve into a friendship outside of work. I was promoted to a new position that involved me switching shifts, that led to our relationship evolving as it had become an entirely out of work thing. If never stopped growing from there... Eris started coming over for dinner every other week or so, and we hung out nearly every week on top of that.
Now... the question I still suck at answering...
When did I start having feelings for Eris above and beyond being friends? I have no idea. Somewhere between fifteen minutes after I met her and right around the beginning of the year, depending on when you start counting I suppose. I'm pretty damned good at ignoring stuff like this, and I kept it very tightly under wraps for quite a long time. Aside from vague daydreams of what maybe could be, I could see no real hope for anything substantive between Eris and I, so I simply brushed it all tidily under the rug. We DID talk about it, though. With the amount of time and the level of familiarity we show toward each other, there were and continue to be loads of workplace rumors surrounding the two of us. We find the whole thing really amusing, and liberating at the same time... the way we see it, if everyone in our workplace things we are fucking, then why not just be ourselves?
But still, nothing ever happened between us. Our relationship is completely platonic. Eris and I both explained our reasons why at one point... Mine was simple. I'm married to an amazing person who I would never do anything to hurt and I would never allow anything to happen with Eris that was not done with Harmonia's permission. Her reasons are that I'm more than a decade older than she is and I'm married with kids. The latter is the biggest reasons. She is terrified of the idea that she could come between our family.
Then the second thing happened... Right around May of this year Harmonia and I met another couple. They are a little bit younger than us and right in the process of getting married. Pontus and Thalassa are both very career oriented and although their interests are slanted more toward the stuff I like rather than what Harmonia likes, it is her that is more heavily invested in the relationship with them. It started with a few sexual encounters at their house and culminated in a fantastic weekend in a hotel room. But to everyone involved, by the end of a month or so, it was clear what was going on between us had gone beyond merely swinging. There was actually the beginnings of a poly relationship being planted there. Everyone reacted to this in a different way... most of the soul searching was done by Harmonia and Thalassa. They had bonded remarkably together, and it was because of this bond that I was the first one to let go of the entire "same room" rule that we had leading up to that moment. In fact, I didn't even care anymore about my wife going and spending time with one or both of them. Everything seemed so right that it was obvious that forming a real relationship with them was the logical next step.
This came pretty easy for me, I think, because these were concepts that I was already wrestling with on some level or another in my relationship with Eris. The idea that a poly relationship was forming elsewhere in our lives made me start to re-examine everything a little bit. This, combined with my wife and I reading The Ethical Slut, started to change my way of thinking on a lot of points. I realized that we could have other relationships outside our primaries without detracting from that important core relationship.
I think that Harmonia had some changes toward this relationship too. She had often acted defensive and territorial about Eris in the past, but since our relationship started with Thas and Pontus, she had curbed that way back. It has since become very common for all three of us to hang out together.
This brings us up to where we are right now, but I'm falling asleep. Tomorrow I'm going to what we have going on now an where are concerns are. Thank everyone who happens to be reading this.