The "How Are You Doing" Thread (redux)

Wanting to blog and do stuff, but this "living like the mole people" thing is getting old and depressing. I'm tired of every road, every driveway, every sidewalk being a tunnel carved into the snow. Tired of having to nose out of each intersection, and by the time I can see the oncoming traffic, being halfway in the road as it is. It's impacting the hell out of my mood, and I want to get out, but it's negative-whatever with the wind chills and I don't want to leave the damned house. Bleh.

Had to get my roof shoveled off due to the load (made a loud BANG and buckled some of the drywall upstairs), which makes me thankful it happened before the wet snow/rain/sleet junk shows up this weekend.

I'm done with Winter. April vacation with the kids in Arizona is looking all the better right now...
 
Feeling rather encouraged and positive about the guy I started seeing last month. I had been wondering if he was still interested in seeing me. He and I had gotten together a few times, and then haven't seen each other for the last few weeks due to our schedules not meshing. There was a text here and there, without making plans, and then I suggested that I come over to his apartment and give him a massage. He told me he liked that idea but the trick would be to figure out when we could do that. I said, "Okay, let me know what works for you," and then I didn't hear from him for almost a week. In that message, he said he wouldn't be available until the coming week, and the way he worded it made me think he would let me know which night I could stop by.

Another week passed without hearing anything. I began to wonder if he was giving me the brush-off. After all, I had offered him a massage (and he knows I used to do bodywork professionally) but he didn't jump at the chance! I felt that sending another text just to say hello and inform him of my availability would be lame and make me appear desperate.

So, yesterday morning I sent him an email to let him know that I was feeling a bit confused by his having expressed interest and yet not contacting me for over a week. I told him that I don't need constant contact and know he is stressed and very busy -- and that I don't want to add to his stresses -- but I didn't know what to do because I didn't know if he wanted me to keep reaching out to him. I told him that I like him, enjoy his company, and want to keep things light and easy but that I also would like the chance for us to get closer.

Well, I am so glad I communicated that all to him. It can be tricky to let someone know what you want in the beginning of a relationship, when you are still just getting to know each other. I decided to just be direct. Turns out we are pretty much on the same page in terms of what we have time and energy for. He responded last night, which tells me he was sensitive to my concerns enough to get back to me on the same day, and he let me know has been super busy and super stressed but yes, would like to see me again and he has enjoyed my company every time we'd gotten together. He laid the truth out there, telling me what he level of involvement he feels emotionally ready and available for. And it is exactly on par with what I want.

So, yay for the newly budding relationship!

Edit:
I just re-read the message he sent me last night and am even more appreciative of his response, especially knowing the stresses he's been dealing with, and how exhausted he's been. Still, he took the time to write back and explain where he's been and tell me what he doesn't want to happen in a relationship - "resentments and bad feelings." He told me that, if it's okay with me, he'd like to keep things between us "light and easy-going," which is what I really was hoping for. After I sent my initial email, I was a little afraid that his answer would be something like, "Sorry, I don't have the time or energy for these kinds of questions and talking about relationships, so I'd rather we both move on." I wouldn't have liked that, but of course would have accepted and respected it. What has happened a lot in my dating life recently is that a guy will assume I want more entanglement than he can give, and he backs away before we've even had a chance to talk about what we want - they just believe all women want things to lead to The Committed Partnership. After the most recent one happened, I realized that when I go on dates, I need to be upfront about what I am looking for much sooner than I have been wanting to do it. Usually I just want to enjoy someone's company without any relationship talk.

Anyway, I replied to him a little while ago, and now I feel really good about the fact that I brought up the topic of "where we're at," so to speak. It is normally something I would rather do in person, but since we haven't seen each other in about three weeks and I had no idea when we would see each other, I was feeling like I needed some clarity. So glad I sent that email.

Hmm, next problem... giving him an alias here.
 
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Can't move on from my lost love. How long does the grieving process take? I'm a lot closer to contentment than a few weeks ago, but it's still yuk.
 
Can't move on from my lost love. How long does the grieving process take? I'm a lot closer to contentment than a few weeks ago, but it's still yuk.

It takes as long as it takes. My last one took years. As long as you are feeling like you are making progress, just allow yourself the time!
 
I'm really struggling emotionally right now. A mis-step at work 5 years ago is coming back to haunt me, and it has me worrying about what other surprises there are in the past that I don't know about.

On top of that Djinn had a pretty bad reaction to Mal's being with me for Valentines Day. It had all been agreed to and discussed to death before, and she really didn't expect to react at all. But now it has happened I wonder what other landmines there are that we aren't expecting.

So I'm feeling unsettled on both major fronts in my life and coming off surgery last week... I just don't seem to have the capacity to deal with any of it.
 
Not surprising that you are feeling particularly vulnerable, A2Poly. That's a lot to be going on.

I hope that Djinn finds some peace. It must be harder in some ways with you and she being such close friends. I can understand why she wants to talk to you about her anxieties and surprising problem feelings. At the same time, maybe you are not an appropriate confidante for her or for Mal for these moments? You guys all signed up for this relationship. You do lots of prework before doing new things.

It seems a bit unfair to me in some ways to ask the new person to be the listener when it comes to problematic emotions.

It's understandable that problematic emotions come up but maybe Djinn and Mal could talk them through and deal with them with somebody not so heavily involved?

I know that it helps me to talk through difficult emotions regarding my relationship with somebody other than my partner sometimes. Especially when the difficult emotions are my own - insecurities that have nothing to do with his behaviour or yearnings to be free and single again that come up sometimes (the spring is a common time for me to experience this sort of thing). I feel it would be unfair to share these sorts of passing emotions with my partner - hard for him to hear and upsetting. Also - passing and not really indicative of anything other than the weather in my own head.

IP
 
Well, in fairness, I'm dumping all my current insecurities on her. At least right now we are taking turns! She says that 'the poly' is going well, and I think it is too. Most of the time. But hard emotions are hard. Sigh. It's not the particular incident - which we dealt with - but the idea of this happening again and again. And the unpredictablity of it. We talked a LOT before he came. And it was all going to be fine. And then it wasn't. I want to trust her to know herself better than that, and right now I don't.

I agree about having other confidants. And she does. But I feel more secure when I'm in the loop. Part of my negative reaction around Vday is that while I knew she's was having a hard time I didn't know just how hard a time. I might have made different choices. But I guess it worked out in the end. A week later she was offering to put him back on a plane or come herself to be with me after surgery. :)

They really do love me. And I them. It's just getting it all sorted out in my head/heart seems so hard right now.
 
I don't think any of us know ourselves as well as we think we do ...
 
Three years (and change) later, I've been reminded just how painful filling out child support paperwork is. Added bonus, now that we're modifying the support order: the need for financial affidavits. Shoot me.

On the plus side, taxes will look easier in comparison.

(Also, RIP Leonard Nimoy... :( )
 
Exhausted right now.

Last night, when I got home, I had received my Downton Abbey Season 5 DVD in the mail. I no longer have cable and can't watch TV without it, so I need DVDs to keep up with the show. Anyway, I ordered dinner parked myself in front of the TV, and had my own little Downton Marathon! I watched every single episode, and some bonus features. OMG, the gorgeous clothing! I started about 8pm and finished about 4:00 am. Slept a bit but had to get up at 8-ish to go to work.

Then work today was challenging. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I am so tired.
 
Still struggling with lost love here.....she and I could talk for hours.... I cant find anyone else like that :-(
 
So. Post-operative depression is a thing. That no one tells you about. That can be really bad.

So that's fun. Not. :'(
 
Feeling disappointed, angry, and... something I can't find a word for.

This morning, I stumbled on a few things posted online--on "special interest" groups on a dating site--by someone I'm close to. Things that cross my personal "squick" threshold. I don't generally judge others' fetishes and kinks, but when it's someone who's in *my* life and has been around *my* kids, I have a bit more reason to be judgmental.

I'm not sure whether I'm more upset about what they posted, or about finding out this way rather than them being honest with me. I feel like the person I thought I knew was a mask.

Despite the high value I place on friendship in general and on this person, I don't know if it's worth keeping them in my life. Some of those posts made me sick to my stomach. They're valid fetishes/kinks. Nothing that would harm anyone; nothing illegal; nothing that even directly affects me. But they are something that's causing me to question this person's place in my life.
 
It's been a rough week, personally and professionally. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, though, and have been working on communication surrounding what I need when I'm feeling particularly emotional. It's been a productive dark time, at least.
 
Have been in daily contact with my lost love, phone calls and sometimes 80 or more whatsapp messages per day. She is in great pain and I care deeply for her and her kids that are caught up in a separation.

But I am in too much pain myself, since she broke up with me, to be able to help her. Our break up pain is too much... so I am trying a period of no contact and it is very very difficult... and im only on day two !

Does it get easier going forwards?....
 
I'm sure it gets easier, but it's gonna take way more than two days. And the pain will never completely leave.
 
Finally feeling like my brain is not trying to undermine me anymore. Not all better, but more stable.

I wish someone had warned me two things about surgery: drink more water, dehydration is a risk when your body is using so many resourses to heal, and post-op depression is real, and terrifying. My brain has been a pretty scary place to be for the last two weeks.

And I thank whatever g-d you do or don't believe in that I have both Djinn and Mal in my life right now. I'm not sure I would have lived through a that if I'd been alone. It was bad enough with them being so far away, if they hadn't been around at all.... terrifying.
 
Work is still killing me. Boys are fine. Life happens.
 
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