Which way to turn?

And she is no longer my "non-girlfriend" ;)
 
She's still a girlfriend with no nickname.

Well TL I was wrong :) I could have sworn I bought the magnum XL's when we were using condoms, but hell that was 9 yrs ago and I have no memory. Looks like another reason the four of us are alike to add to the list :D

I'm in pain, I don't feel good, I'm chain smoking and I can't sleep. Bah!

Karma came home from his day with un-named new girlfriend and talked my ear off. Normaly I would have wanted to hear about their day. When they went out wednesday I did want to hear about it. But tonight was a mix of "I want to hear about it" and " will you shut the fuck up". Yay for more mixed moods that make no sense!!! Hearing about her was pissing me off. I didn't stop him because I did want to hear about their day.

Maybe it was because he came home and started babbeling? I dunno.

But I need to figure it out and get a grip before I explode on him or someone else for breathing the wrong way.
 
It COULD be because he is spending more time with "Un-named new girlfriend". It COULD be because of that time of the month? It COULD be a LOT of different things. Too much caffeine....Not ENOUGH caffeine.....Not enough SEX....Too MUCH sex....Hungry....thirsty....

It could be ANYTHING! LOL

Cotton Candy has a new "un-named boyfriend" also. LOL More in our blog...later
 
I think I need a vacation. Was supposed to have on more ohio trip before classes start, but can't afford it.

Getting back to a point where I dislike people again. Drama, gossip and "me me me the attention on me, I'll make shit up so the attention is on me" is pushing my patience.
 
And the bullshit continues to drop.

Apparently someone who would have no clue and no business told Karmas girlfriends sister (yeah figure that one out) that we aren't in an open relationship.

Well she's right there. We're in a love other people not bang whoever you see relationship.

Come on now. This is why I hide in my house and avoid people. Drama drama drama.

I need an island of my own and you must pass an IQ test, a morality test and a mind your own fucking business test to enter. And if later you prove you are a failure at life and human decency I get to drown you and feed you to sharks.
 
BHAHAHAHAHA I love your little rant there. I'm at the same point right now with J's stepmom and his family. Luckily though, she left for San Antonio this morning to visit her sons for a while. Who knows what kind of stories she'll come up with from there though lol. Let's just say, her rumors went to J's younger sister (probably older sister as well), to his mom, who is now telling us that she heard it in her town in KS and that it's all over town that he's having an affair. First, nobody in that town is talking about us!! We haven't lived there in over 10 years and don't talk to anybody from there anymore except for her and my mom. Secondly, why lie about where you heard it from?? Like we're not going to figure that one out lol. And do you think that any of the family that has heard it (or made it up) has come to us except his mom? No! Even when his mom approached him about it, it was nothing but accusatory. As if, just because she heard it, it must be truth. So, he didn't react well. :(

Ugh, people piss me off sometimes!! Gossip, gossip, gossip, drama, drama, drama.
 
Karma says "see we're not the only ones, it's anyone who is interesting"


Can we not be interesting now? I feel like I have moved to a state where everyones maturity level stops at freshman year of highschool. Can you be secure enough in your own damn life and leave mine alone? Why is there this need to be up in everyones business?

Here's a thought-If you think there is something going on that shouldn't be, go to the source and then move the fuck on.

If she thought I wasn't aware and Karma was cheating again, wouldn't I be the one to come to, not his girlfriends sister?

Really simple-"Did you know Karma is dating __________"
"Yes I did, in fact I bought them condoms so they could enjoy themselves yesturday. Any other questions?"


I'm sorry Openbj, I completely know how it feels and it's frustrating and it's bullshit.

I see it this way, if you're worth anything as a human being, you'll ask the source. If you're not, you'll believe and/or add to the rumor mill which makes you not worth my time.
 
I'm going to call her cookie, because she loved your cookies.
 
So Cookie and I exchanged a few e-mails tonight. There was talk of meeting her on Tuesday and I was just not ready for it. I really feel like that would be pushing things a little too fast. She also felt it was too fast, but do to the rumor mill she felt it was the only way to squash the idea that I didn't know they were together.

We are both content with the e-mails. It proved to her enough that I am aware. I also brought up the fact that Karma can't bake to save his life, so there was no way she was getting homemade cookies if I didn't know they were together. He could not of possibly made them and passed them off as mine, and I don't randomly bake for people.

I like that line of communication is now open. I'm just not ready to jump into meeting her.

My goals and directions have changed quite a bit after the last relationship. I don't have near the red flags with this one that I did with Cricket and I'd like to allow them to establish their own ground before I go jumping in the mix. I don't feel a need to protect him or warn him about any games being played. So I don't really feel a need to meet her.

Maybe one day. I would like to have a friendship with anyone he dates seriously. I miss our movie nights with Panda and with Cricket when things were going well. I like the idea of him cooking for us and all of us snuggling on the couch. But just because I'd like it to happen doesn't mean it will. I'd rather she and I have some sort of communication going before the first meeting. And then I'd prefer a public place. Something where there isn't pressure on anyone to entertain anyone. I don't want it to feel like a job interview.

I do like her so far. She's got her head together. She was faced with drama and the rumor mill and didn't hide from it, she faced it head on. She called Karma, laid out what she heard waited for response. I guess I should have contacted her earlier, at least to put to rest any question of me not knowing. But I think in someways it was a subconcious test. Is she one of the ones who won't care if he's cheating, or will she actualy show a moral compass. I didn't really think of it, it just kind of happened that way and is what I'm thinking now. She passed the test I didn't know I was giving with flying colors.

The more I hear, the more I like about her. I'm happy Karma found someone. I'm proud of him for getting into counsling and addressing issues. I'm proud of him for recognizing that they were there in the first place. And I'm proud of him for trusting in me, in us and in the work we've put in to step out of his habits and keep it all honest and up front.

I'm slowly coming out of the funk I was in. Still working on the why of it all. But such is life.
 
I need an island of my own and you must pass an IQ test, a morality test and a mind your own fucking business test to enter. And if later you prove you are a failure at life and human decency I get to drown you and feed you to sharks.
Where do I sign up for one of these islands? :cool:
 
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And somehow I'm living in a soap opera again. More like watching and Karma is in it, I guess.

Taking my own advice I sent an e-mail to the claimed source of the "Mo doesn't know" drama. She sent a response to Karma (cuz she thinks I'm mad at her and I apparently scare people) telling him it was the sister asking and being all nosey and when the sister asked her she said she didn't know.

This makes a lot more sense. I figured the only reason this person was to get involved would be to keep someone from getting hurt, but I found it unlikely that she would go out of her way to meddle in others lives. Which is what had me so mad in the first place, that it was soooo out of character for her.

It's not out of character for Cookies sister. She seems to have an issue with attention being anywhere but on her. I don't see Karma having patience for that for very long.

Drama drama drama. Oh well, got a lot squared away in my life so whatever. Her insecurities are not my issues. Cookie knows I know about her and that is all that really matters.

Now I just need to work out a budget for the little money we were able to put together. Get this job going and get prepped for school.
 
Finaly figured my mood out.

I strongly dislike NRE.

It's like my husband is morphing into someone else.

This change used to be one of my tells for when he was cheating, now I can see it's simple NRE. It wasn't that he was cheating that changed how he acted, it was NRE.
 
I think in some ways it brought up triggers. But mostly it's just sitting here and going "who the hell are you and what did you do with my husband?" And then we'll have a few days before he sees her again so he gets back to his old self and all is fine and wonderful and then it cycles all over again.

I do like her, from what little we've talked. So it's not that. And them sleeping together doesn't bother me. So the more I sat with it and really dig into what it is, everything comes back to how he acts that first 24 hrs or so after being with her.

So I guess all there is to do is talk it over and wait out the NRE.

I wrote out everything that was bothering me, was planning on talking to him when he got home, but it's almost 3 now and no sign.

He did call at 2 to check on things. So I guess 9 hrs is better than the what 13 last time?

I am also more aware of a cycle I go through and am working on stopping it.

When my axiety is high I can't sleep, can't sleep fibro flares, fibro flares take pain pills, pain pills bring on anxiety and deppression, and so the circle starts again.

So I attack what I can. I address what's bugging me so I can sleep. I ignore the pain the best I can and I hope for the circle to straighten back out.
 
Talked to Karma. His response "So I need to stop being NRE boy and pay attention to the rest of my life. Got it."

Feel so much lighter now that I was able to communicate it and we were able to discuss it.

And on a totaly random side note but a wow go you note- he noticed that I painted my nails. :D My husband is oblivious to most everything, so the fact that he noticed that was smile worthy.
 
It's nice that you can explain what's going on and have him get it. :)

It seems like it should be so simple, doesn't it?
 
Trying to keep the lines of communication open with Cookie. Just sent her an e-mail basicaly saying I would like to eventualy have a friendship with her and trying to feel out her thoughts on it.

Feeling so much better after my talk with Karma. He's much more receptive to my concerns and I really love this point of where we are right now. I love knowing he will hear what I have to say and not immediatly turn to not believing me. It's nice to be listened to.

It's also nice to be able to ease into things with Cookie and not have expectations. I don't feel like Karma is pushing us to be friends and that allows things to progress naturaly. There's a comfort to knowing that if we become friends great, if we don't well thats fine too.

With the change in my major I have a prety heavy courseload coming up this semester. Pretty nervous about it, not the classes themselves, just being able to juggle everything.

And I'm pretty worried about my sister in law. She was in the hospital the other night because the babies amniotic fluid keeps dropping. She's off work now until after hes born and she goes tomorrow to have another check and they decide if she has to start taking steroids for his lungs so they can take him early. It's times like this that I hate being so far away. If we were home I could take my niece for her, or help around the house. Karma could help my brother with things like the lawn and household upkeep. So then it wouldnt all fall on my parents. They have a good support system of friends and I am so thankful for that, it just sucks that I can't be there. And the way things look we won't get to go home when he's born so it'll be Christmas before we meet him. There's nothing worth moving back to Ohio for, except the fact that all my family is there and they are my everything.

But that's okay, one day I'll be rich and fly my private plane home to visit on the weekends. And the kids can come here to visit when they're older. One can dream right?
 
It's nice that you can explain what's going on and have him get it. :)

It seems like it should be so simple, doesn't it?

It really is and I'm sorry you don't have that right now. But Karma and I had to learn it the hard way. I truly believe that sometimes you'll be in the middle of life going WTF! but then one day you'll back and go Ohhhhh that's why I needed to go through that.
 
It really is and I'm sorry you don't have that right now. But Karma and I had to learn it the hard way. I truly believe that sometimes you'll be in the middle of life going WTF! but then one day you'll back and go Ohhhhh that's why I needed to go through that.

LOL, yeah... we've had that "oh, that's what all the pain and agony was for" moment a few times... just not about this! (yet) :)

And the not pushing you and Cookie to form fast friendships is a good one too. I need to get hubs on that train as well. Part of our convo on Monday was about that. I told him I don't need to understand why he is interested in somebody, and I don't have to be friends with them. I might be... but honestly most of the girls he picks are people I would never in a million years choose on my own to be friends with. I like some of them fine, (like-- acquaintance, work buddy type of fine), but if I had to hang out with them for more than a couple of hours or, god forbid, get involved in the lives they live and crazy decisions they make -- I'd shoot myself in the head out of frustration! LOL... But that's okay.

Yeah it would be cool if we could all hang out... but just like any relationship that stuff happens in time if it's going to.

Just another thing we'll try and work on for the future... the list is long. :)
 
but honestly most of the girls he picks are people I would never in a million years choose on my own to be friends with. I like some of them fine, (like-- acquaintance, work buddy type of fine), but if I had to hang out with them for more than a couple of hours or, god forbid, get involved in the lives they live and crazy decisions they make -- I'd shoot myself in the head out of frustration! LOL... But that's okay.

LOL! This is how it is with my husbands BFF. It took me years to warm up to her and feel comfortable calling her friend. No crazy decissions or such, just we have very little in common (her mother and I have much more in common), different passions, priorities and such. Over the years, we are now comfortable with each other and can spend time chatting or doing "girlie" stuff, but it was definitely a sloooooow evolution. It is definitely more of a SIL type of relationship.

For the past 12 years or so, I really have had no friends of my own, people who "I" clicked with and chose as my friends. It was always, people my husband was involved with through work, church or other activities. It wasn't until our marriage nearly fell apart that I realized this and took a good hard look at it. It played a lot more havoc with me and in turn our marriage than I realized. I have since made active steps to correct this and it is a wonderful feeling. I discovered that there are actually women (and men) who like to sew, knit, go camping AND blow things up :p. Even better, they live close enough to visit every week.:D
 
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