Hi there Everyone

NT9097

New member
Not really sure what our expectations are, definitely here to read some things about insight and maybe get a more positive outlook for the future. We are a couple in NE Ohio and are tired of the dating scene after some pretty bad experiences, people saying they are one thing and turning out not to be at all.

All in all sorry to start off being a downer it's just recently we are ready to give up. There are so, so many couples seeking another female partner and so few that will date a couple we are about ready to give up, which sucks because it feels like you are missing this wonderful piece of a relationship that just isn't attainable. I am sure many, many people have been where we are and had similar experiences, anyone have any healthy positivity vibes to send our way? :B
Should we completely give up hope through online dating?
 
Greetings NT9097,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sorry to hear that you have had some bad luck in online dating. I hope that in the near future, you will find that special someone whom you can add to your couple relationship. I know it is hard to do that, many couples are searching for the same thing and you have to really be able to offer something special to get anyone to date you. Please don't give up hope, keep trying and just try to be patient.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Hi NT9097 - and welcome to the Forum! We have lots of experienced poly folks here who are generally friendly and helpful - with lots of good advice and information - so feel free to post specific thoughts and questions to the Poly Relationships Corner or General Poly Discussion section. These sections are always quite active and you are almost certain to get some good responses. Also, you might want to check out the search function as there are over a quarter million archived posts on the forum.

There are so, so many couples seeking another female partner

Ah yes - the ubiquitous unicorn hunters. The hot bi-babes these couples seek are indeed so rare as to be called "unicorns" - no small wonder since that they are so rare since there is so little in it for the unicorn in terms of an ongoing relationship. I have read of the occasional successful "two couples in a relationship" quads - although long term stability seems to be an issue.
The general consensus in the poly world (at least on this forum) seems to be that each partner dating individually is the best option ("couple dating" seems to be more common in the swinger community).

We will look forward to hearing more of your story - and best of luck in your journey! Al
 
Welcome to the forum. If it's any help, txgirl and I both had luck online dating and the best luck when we found each other through online dating.
 
no small wonder since that they are so rare since there is so little in it for the unicorn in terms of an ongoing relationship. Al

Thanks for the welcome. I have read this before and read about Unicorn hunting, I really hate that term. We are definitely not just looking for a bi babe, shit someone who enjoys gaming as much as we do. I think that it often presents that way, but there probably just has to be the way people typically present themselves seems for some reason extremely dysfunctional? Like why say there is so little? I think as a rule that is actually not the case, but many people often put forth this almost sociopathic desire about seeking that kind of relationship. I mean for one thing, there would be more income to a family, more people to spend and manage time with(which of course would come with it's own set of issues to navigate but being optimistic I think is largely a positive), a support structure of two to one, and other things I find that fit into the category of positive aspects.
 
You make good points NT. Hopefully someone will come along who can see the positives.
 
Like why say there is so little?

It is so common that it is almost a cliche that when an adventurous couple decides to open their marriage, they very often decide that the best way to do that is to find a hot bi-babe (hbb / unicorn) to date both of them together. As you noted in your original post, there are a lot of couples out there looking for just that.

The problem is - as has been discussed here and elsewhere a great many times (these thoughts are hardly original to me - I am more or less just passing them on), is that the hbb is not actually treated fairly in the majority of these situations. Does she get to have sex with the husband by herself when the wife is away? (In most cases not, even though the wife gets to have sex with the husband when the hbb is not present). Does she go out in public with the couple? Does she get hidden away if family comes over unexpectedly? Does she get introduced as their partner to the family? Does she get invited to all the holiday family functions? In some cases, the hbb ends us being "used" to baby sit or house clean so the married couple can go out in public without her. Etc....

This article goes into these issues in some detail....

http://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

Having said that - extended poly families do present many advantages - financially, child rearing support, chores, time management, etc. But obviously it does not have to be the FMF model to achieve that - and the general consensus seems to be that FMF works better when that model is achieved because one of the partners was dating the "other woman" and she gradually becomes part of the family rather than brought in as the hbb to date both. Of course, there are always exceptions - as long as fairness is maintained from the start.

The numerous discussions on this forum have actually indicated that MFM V's are more common and more stable - seems the belief is that women make better hinges and men share better. :) And, of course, if two couples hook up a forge a quad household, all is well and good as long as everyone feels like they are being treated fairly.
 
Have you ever considered dating separately? Kitchen table poly style (but separate partners) may provide much of what you're looking for... and be much easier to find.
 
Have you ever considered dating separately? Kitchen table poly style (but separate partners) may provide much of what you're looking for... and be much easier to find.

We have, but it wasn't happy for us, for us and just us, it felt pointless and dumb, we'd rather be spending more time with each other than other people away from one another.
 
We have, but it wasn't happy for us, for us and just us, it felt pointless and dumb, we'd rather be spending more time with each other than other people away from one another.

Please read the article So Someone Called You a Unicorn Hunter that Al99 linked for you.

What you want in a partner and what your wife wants in a partner may be 2 different things. In fact, they have to be 2 different things.

You are approaching this whole hunt from a monogamist couple-centric point of view. You are only thinking of what seems convenient or pleasant or sexy to the 2 of you. You are not thinking at all about why what you offer is repugnant to 99.99% of all poly women out there.

The chance that this unicorn is equally attracted to you both physically is slim to none. The chance that her emotions about each one of you are equal is 0.

You're presenting yourselves as a unit. But the females you seek will have to view you as two individuals. With 2 different brains, needs, physical and mental attributes, etc., etc.

You are your wife are not clones of each other. You are not one person. Our mono culture tends to paint this kind of rosy picture of perfect monogamy as "two halves of a whole." But when you start trying to "add a third" to your couple, this false perspective goes right out the window.

If you search the term "unicorn hunter" or "triad" on this board you will read story after story of upset potential unicorns, and upset wives of a unicorn hunting couple.

It just doesn't work. Sorry. We can't blow rainbows up your butt. "Adding a third" just doesn't work, despite the sexy portrayals in the media of this most common of all male fantasies.
 
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