Norwegianpoly
New member
Husband and I broke up recently - he moved out a few weeks ago. I still see my long term boyfriend, in a different country (although I have not visited him in a while). My husband wanted out, it was not a mutual decition. Poly was one of the biggest concerns, but we also had other issues. I wanted to work on them, he just wanted out. It was a relief at first, because finally I got some answers for his moods etc. Now things are changing, and I am back to being almost as frustrated as I was before he broke up.
Over text, living apart, our communication seem respectful and caring. I love that, because we used to be close friends friends. I hope that one day we may get back together romantically, but also I hope that that if not, we can preserve our friendship. With texting, I get to plan out what I am going to say and take breaks from him, but when we meet up, things get a bit complicated. He always had a tendency to blurt out whatever was on his mind, the breakup had made this trait come out even more and I find it overwealming. He probably means to be helpful and considerate, but I find some of his comments about me and my life condecending. He has a need to talk about his feelings past and present and feels sorry for himself. I have a hard time processing that that he has left, perhaps for good. I dont want to be his unpaid therapist, especially when the details he shares with me involve me and are hurtful to hear about. He tends to get upset when I look happy and content, like that is somehow wrong of me to be optimistic. But if I look miserable or cry, he does not like that either. I have not idea how to look or be that does not set him off somehow. I have told him that I want to understand how he has been feeling, but it is all just so very much, and at the same time.
My (ex)husband says he cares for me and wanted us to transition from lovers to friends. I am not sure how we can do that, at least not for a long time. Especially when I start visiting my boyfriend again. But I also dont want to loose him.
Have anyone changed sucessfully from lovers to friends, perhaps after having started out as friends?
Over text, living apart, our communication seem respectful and caring. I love that, because we used to be close friends friends. I hope that one day we may get back together romantically, but also I hope that that if not, we can preserve our friendship. With texting, I get to plan out what I am going to say and take breaks from him, but when we meet up, things get a bit complicated. He always had a tendency to blurt out whatever was on his mind, the breakup had made this trait come out even more and I find it overwealming. He probably means to be helpful and considerate, but I find some of his comments about me and my life condecending. He has a need to talk about his feelings past and present and feels sorry for himself. I have a hard time processing that that he has left, perhaps for good. I dont want to be his unpaid therapist, especially when the details he shares with me involve me and are hurtful to hear about. He tends to get upset when I look happy and content, like that is somehow wrong of me to be optimistic. But if I look miserable or cry, he does not like that either. I have not idea how to look or be that does not set him off somehow. I have told him that I want to understand how he has been feeling, but it is all just so very much, and at the same time.
My (ex)husband says he cares for me and wanted us to transition from lovers to friends. I am not sure how we can do that, at least not for a long time. Especially when I start visiting my boyfriend again. But I also dont want to loose him.
Have anyone changed sucessfully from lovers to friends, perhaps after having started out as friends?