Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

My 24 - almost 25 - year old son lives in my basement. He pays rent, which we dutifully note on our taxes, and he works part time as well as attends one college class a semester. He's considered permanently disabled due to mental health challenges that came from when he was a child - before I adopted him when he was 12 - and I am listed as his representative payee on his checking accounts.

Why do I mention this? Oh, maybe because it is stressing me out beyond belief this week! Everything that can be a mess IS a mess right now. We need to get him signed up for his class in the Fall right now, but the college registration system is having issues. That's the first problem, but it's a minor one. Classes don't start until August, so I have a month to deal with that. We've had discussions surrounding changing his major, and I know which classes he's interested in taking. So that's been tabled for a couple of weeks until I have time to deal with it. Ok, breathing.

Second problem - just got a stack of papers in the mail from his therapy office, detailing every visit and payment since 2012. He goes twice a month, so the stack is several pages. Apparently, they are just contacting me now, but at some point, the insurance company stopped paying $80 of his $110 visit cost, and instead started covering just $45 of it. For two years. No one said anything until now. So we have this huge bill. My son has Medicare, so they should be picking up the rest of the amount, but they didn't. Ever. Again, no one said anything. So I get this pack of paperwork with a handwritten note telling me to work it out with the insurance companies soon, or my son will have to cover all of this. At the time it initially happened, I could have covered it in our flexible spending account and things would have been peachy. I can't back-bill the flex account though, so this will be like - surprise! pay this out of your regular monthly budget! Blargh!

So my afternoon is going to be spent on the phone dealing with this today. Lovely. Hopefully it's JUST this afternoon and not the rest of the week.

Third issue - my son works through a "supported employment" agency. They helped him find the job, they meet with him once a week, sometimes transport him to his job, and as part of the service, I was told they would be reporting his wages to social security. Ok. Well, he started this last August. In that time frame, he's had like 6 workers. It has come to my attention this month that they have NOT been reporting his wages to social security. The first worker from way back when never set it up. Guess who gets in trouble for not reporting? Me. Because I am the rep payee. So he's been getting about $200 a month MORE in benefits each month since August. So, this week, I get to go over to the social security office and try to sort this mess out without going to jail. I don't think I'll go to jail, but if they think for some reason I was trying to screw over the government, I could. Lovely, happy horseshit. At the minimum, I will be responsible for paying back the $2000+ that he received in overpayments. Hopefully they will just reduce his payments moving forward and we can work it out that way. FML

Issue #4 is in regards to our intent to move out of state. I am unsure if he will want to move. He was very resistant to moving to Maryland when we came here from NY. Most of our extended family is in NY, and all of his birthfamily is there. It doesn't really matter though - at the present time he is very incapable of living alone. He doesn't monitor his hygiene or personal space. He has attempted to live independently in the past and failed miserably. There is no one else who is willing to work with him, within our family. So he will either need to relocate with us, or we will need to plug into services that will assist in monitoring him while he moves out and tries to again establish himself. This is very scary to think about, but even more stressful to try and find programs that will do this. I don't have the time at the moment. I will have to find time to discuss it with him, but right now, issues 1-3 are more of a priority. He is stressed about these 3 things too, and I don't want to overwhelm him until we get them sorted.

Just venting. Most of this should be dealt with this week; it'll just take time and it's a headache.
 
Good heavens. When it rains, it pours, right? My husband is headed up to Pennsylvania right now - his dad is back in the hospital. Lots of pain, vomiting. Not good since he is stage IV and was told he had two months to live back in January. He is still hanging in there, and DarkKnight packed himself an overnight bag. We don't have money right now for gas, but luckily it's just a 20 minute drive. We'll muddle through somehow. DarkKnight is going to spend the night at his parents' house. Thankfully, he works from home 100% of the time, and going mobile is easy. So while he is in the hospital, waiting for something to happen, he can still earn a paycheck.

Yeah, money. I overdrew my account yesterday. I thought my husband got paid this week, but it's NEXT week. Stupid vacation expenditures cycling through slowly. Stupid me not paying attention. We really are broke. Ugh. I mean, I'm broke. DarkKnight has some squirreled away but he doesn't share when I screw up usually.

Anyhow, FML.

PunkRockAwesomesauce stood me up on trivia last night. DarkKnight and I played and got first place as a 2-pack, so we still rocked. I was upset though, that this happened yet again. PunkRock has not made it to 3 of the last 5 dates/outings because of his job. What got me down this time is that he only messaged a half hour before, telling me he'd be late. Then a couple hours later, that he would be leaving soon. And then at 10 or so, that he'd be leaving soon. He didn't make it home until 1 am.

Yeah, I was frustrated and felt VERY discounted. He didn't do anything to reassure me - just went and took a shower, and then I just got a peck on the lips. I told him I was upset and needed comforting words, but he was not good at it. At one point, he told me his brain wasn't working and then he went to sleep. This didn't go well for me emotionally.

I guess things are ok now. I don't know. I mean, I am currently positive and we had a sexual reconnection this morning. I love him, he loves me. I trust him a little less though. I don't like acknowledging that feeling.

DarkKnight told me yesterday, after I received the first text, that I should just keep it in my mind that whenever PunkRock says he will be somewhere, I should not believe it. Instead, it should be a happy surprise when he does show up. I told him - very heatedly - that if I EVER felt like that was the way to relate with a partner, that partner and I would no longer be together. I learned from M that I need someone who backs up their words and doesn't feed me bullshit. I refuse to swallow it.
 
... I should just keep it in my mind that whenever PunkRock says he will be somewhere, I should not believe it. Instead, it should be a happy surprise when he does show up. I told him - very heatedly - that if I EVER felt like that was the way to relate with a partner, that partner and I would no longer be together...

I feel for you ...but I had to learn this very lesson. I have learned to make my plans regardless of Dude...it's just the way it is. He has NO sense of time. SO...we miss out on some opportunities...BUT I no longer have a stake in whether he actually shows up or not. Bonus if he does...but doesn't ruin my plans...too bad if it messes with his.
 
I feel for you too....

BUT on the other hand he is NOT blowing you off to go hang out with friends. PunkRock is at work. We are adults and have responsibilities.

I haven't seen Murf since Friday. It is driving me INSANE BUT I had to work last weekend at my part time job and he was off on vacation time on Saturday. I don't need the money BUT in case of emergency with my pets the discount I get as an employee is nice. (I work as a Vet tech 6-7 days a month to keep up my license and skills. Plus I love it.) Murfs usual schedule he would have been working the weekend and be off Monday and Tuesday. Monday Butch had a Dr's appointment and didn't want to go solo. Tuesday Murf had to go into work for a mandatory overtime. Which means I don't see him until Friday. Well he is now tapped for overtime Friday. (He works 12 hr overnights) I am not happy but WTH are you going to do. We have bills to pay. I will see him for a whopping hour before he heads to work. But I will see him until Monday.

Be thankful you DO get to see Punk everyday. Really is missing a social event that important.

I want to give you a small piece of advice from one woman with a high sex drive to another. Stop putting so my pressure on your men to meet your needs. Men in our age group can not do it long term. The first 6 months Murf did his damnedest to try. I used to get hurt like you. Let it go. Stop putting pressure on the poor man. Learn to get satisfaction from with in. You are very uncomfortable in yourself and your self image.

You come across as very intense. Your relationships burn hot and quick. As you should know from chemistry things like phosphorus may burn quick, bright and hot but they burn out just as fast. Relax and let things go their natural course.
 
Last edited:
Yeah, it's definitely for work. That does make me feel better about everything, but it still is sucky. I would definitely have less patience and endurance to stick it out if it was frivolous reasons. But it's not, so I deal.

Stop putting so my pressure on your men to meet your needs. Men in our age group can not do it long term.

Well, the reason I initially became poly was so I could stop with the pressure on my husband, though he said he never really felt pressured. I felt like I WAS pressuring, but he says no. PunkRock seems to want me at least once a day, so overall my needs are being met. He thinks twice a day is good, but sometimes not. That's when I struggle. Most of the time though, once a day is fine for me. I'll take it much more than that, if I can get it, :) but I am fine with once a day.

I am happy to be polyfi and just have my two. I feel very loved and cared for, overall.

Learn to get satisfaction from with in. You are very uncomfortable in yourself and your self image.

Satisfaction from within? Sexually? That doesn't make sense to me.

I feel very comfortable with myself, actually. People that know me say they are attracted to me because of my confidence. I feel good about who I am. I feel good at where I am at in life. I'm happy. I know what I can do, what I am capable of. I also know what my triggers are and I hope, what my weaknesses are.

My husband has come home, though his father is still in the hospital. He may be moving to a different hospital in the next few days. I am headed out tonight to a book club dinner, and then out with my lady-friend trivia team for a night of being silly. PunkRock is going to see a friend to set himself up with an ebay store of some sort - he left this morning to bring his brother home from rehab, then work, now friend time. He won't be home again tonight until around 11 pm I think. I may or may not be home by then. We'll see I guess.

Edited to say, I didn't end up going to trivia tonight - during the dinner, a huge storm came up, and I got a call from DarkKnight that our basement was flooding. We've never, ever had water in the basement! Don't need this sort of crazy right now! My son lives and sleeps down there, and his bedroom and bathroom are swamped. My husband's office is down there, and all along the walls is wet. Nothing seems to be ruined there - he moved his power strips up and the water is just a thin coating along the tile floor. The main room is wet near the sliding glass door - a couple inches, and along the one wall where PunkRock has his paint desk. Again, just a little near the paint desk, so I moved the power strips up. We have fans going, the dehumidifier on, and all the towels in the house are going through a washer/dryer cycle but we have lost the battle at having any dry at the moment. PunkRock is on his way home to help, but we seem to be at an impasse here while we await dry towels. Ugh.
 
Last edited:
Waiting for news on my father-in-law. He was too high on pain meds yesterday morning, but the hospital stepped him down enough in the afternoon to do a barium swallow. He has an obstruction. Today sometime they will do a scope to see if it is just food, or if his main tumor is too large. If it is food, they'll get it out. If it's the tumor, they can't do anything. He already has a stent with another stent inside it. They can't do anything surgically. So he'll be looking at a feeding tube.

My husband is torn. He doesn't want his dad to have a tube, and he knows his dad wouldn't want it. However, it's a tough call to watch someone starve. He doesn't think his mom will be able to say no, and his dad will get the tube.

So today we are awaiting a call to see what the issue is.

PunkRock took my van today to go grab more of his belongings from the game store. They are shrinking the size of the space they lease, so his warehouse items need to come home. He was going to go this afternoon, but since we have the issue with DarkKnight's dad, we figured it would be best to get this done earlier in case DarkKnight needs to travel.

I have brunch scheduled this morning to help plan our homeschool co-op classes for the fall. I'm the second in command, so this is a big part of my "job." We have restructured how we do things this year, so I am hoping things go smoothly!

Cleanup continues with out water intrusion. Everything is now dry, but scattered around. I am hoping to get things back together this weekend. The property owners came by and said they are going to tear down the back shed and a drywall guy will be over later this week to look at a ceiling sag that exists.

Overall, life is stressful, but honestly, I am cheerful. We played trivia with a friend last night and scored third place against larger teams and that is always a good feeling. We have a whitewater tubing trip scheduled tomorrow in Harper's Ferry, so that should be a good distraction too.
 
My husband has been gone - he went back up Saturday morning to stay with his mom while his dad is in the hospital. We had plans to go whitewater tubing Saturday, but when we were together Friday night, I urged him to go to Chambersburg. That's where his heart was, and I know he needed to be there to give and receive support from his extended family.

Thank goodness I did. His dad's scope came back with the result that the primary tumor has grown through both the stent and the second stent. Hershey hospital *might* be able to slide in a third stent. My husband called me yesterday afternoon a little bit upbeat because his father might be able to go home, and discussion was centered around setting him up with a sitting room in the one bedroom upstairs that has an outside balcony in his house. DarkKnight was able to do a construction project to help out - putting in a new hand rail on the staircase. So he was able to feel helpful and worthwhile. It was appreciated by his mom.

Later though, while in discussion about this, and the feeding tube debate, while backed off the meds, my father in law had breathing issues and FIL started panicking. A scan showed that he has a large blood clot in each lung now.

So, last night, he started blood thinners, which he will now be on for life. He made his wishes known while coherent that he absolutely did not want to go for a third stent just to buy time, because he was in pain, and miserable. He asked for a Do Not Resusitate bracelet. No feeding tube. He was given Ativan to calm him, and he got back with his pain meds and has been sleeping since.

DarkKnight is at the hospital now, alone with his sleeping father. I wish I could be there too - in his voice, I can hear my husband's despair and he definitely needs hugs. However, life continues along at our home and I have to keep things moving along.

The flooded basement is looking better. I will be teaching 3 co-op classes in the fall, and co-teaching 3 others, so this morning I have been researching and planning those. I am teaching a high school level Astronomy course for the Fall semester, so I have gathered my materials on that and hope to get focused enough to flesh out the outline I have planned for it.

Yesterday was a full day of just PunkRock and I, after my husband left for his parents' place. We did go whitewater tubing with some of my friends and their families, on the Potomac as planned. I had some momentary melancholy because I missed DarkKnight, and knew he would have enjoyed himself. However, I focused on the present and it was a good time.

My daughter was off with her friends, floating way out in front of us, so PunkRock and I floated and splashed and held hands and it was great. Afterward, my friends invited out for the evening, but we declined. It's pretty wonderful - my friends always thought M was creepy, so they kind of distanced themselves from me while we were dating. It's a relief to know that they like and approve of PunkRock. Not that it would change my feelings toward PunkRock, but it is good to have acceptance and validation of a relationship, if that makes sense. We were also invited to a 4th of July celebration, but I think we will probably stay home that date.

Anyway, my daughter was tired after tubing - plus she was returning home from a sleepover the night before - so she asked if she could just have soup for dinner so she could eat quick and go to sleep. No worries - she did that, while PunkRock and I showered and treated ourselves to Thai food, followed by a trip for frozen yogurt. Then he snuggled me on the couch while we watched Les Miserables. The couch was bugging his back, and he was sleepy near the end, but he soldiered through it.

Best boyfriend ever.

He has been really supportive with DarkKnight gone. He took my son to and from work today, even though that made his schedule wonky.

He had a slip up this morning though, and he came back smelling like cigarette smoke. He admitted to smoking one, and showered and brushed his teeth as soon as I asked him too. I cannot stand the smell. It's so bad! I really struggle every time he slips because I smell it on him so very strongly, but I don't want to be a nag, or complain, because I know he is trying. It has always been an absolute deal breaker for me, so I have to dial myself back a bit, because my kneejerk reaction is that we need to break up. It is SO terrible.

PunkRock told me it is easier to slip up when he thinks he can get away with it. He doesn't get away with it though, I don't think. I can smell it. I just don't mention it, because I know how difficult it is to quit, having lived through my father actively trying for years. Maybe not mentioning it is being counter productive? I don't know. I just don't want to be the smoking police. That is SO not what I want in my life. I will not become a nag on this topic. We'll just be done. That sounds harsh, but it really is such a hard line for me. I struggle with softening it and have done so because I really, really love PunkRock and can't imagine not having him in my life.

After dropping my son off back from work today, PunkRock headed off to the game store. I texted him a short bit ago, and he messaged me that he had thrown away the cigarettes he had procured from his brother's house. I sent him a thank you. I didn't know what else to say. It's so difficult for me. I know the process is difficult for him too.

Editing to add - I did overhaul my photo albums, if anyone is interested in seeing how adorable I am. :) :) :) :)
 
Last edited:
I posted on my Facebook page how much I was missing my DarkKnight, and my sister started posting terribly rude things. I actually started crying - it upset me so much. I know she was motivated by the fact that I am poly - she was trying to make me say that I am choosing one of my guys over the other. She is SUCH an idiot. That isn't how my heart works. And it certainly has ZERO factor in why I didn't accompany him to the hospital this time.


Me: Oh I am missing DarKnight so very much right now! I haven't seen him since Saturday morning! :( He's needed where he's at, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss his sweet self.

Sister: Shouldn't you be there with him?

Me: My son has to go to work, and daughter has school and plans. My father-in-law is asleep most of the time; DarkKnight is mostly there to support his mom. She needs him right now. I'd just be an extra person in the hospital room.

Sister: Don't you think DarkKnight needs you?

Sister: You like to justify everything you do

Me:Um, you kinda asked me to! Of course DarkKnight needs me. We are meeting up tomorrow for sure. Maybe you have never had to stay at a hospital for days on end, but there's a saturation point reached with visitors - DarkKnight's dad is deathly ill. I love him dearly, but while he is out cold due to meds, there is no reason for there to be 24 people in his room, sitting. He doesn't want that.

Me: Also, really? Really? You believe I don't know my husband well enough after almost 10 years, as to how and when he needs my concern and support? I don't have to justify anything, to anyone. Let your heart be still and know that we are doing the best that we can in a bad situation.

Sister: All I know is if my husband's dad were in the hospital I wouldn't leave his side. He needs your support and shoulder to cry on

Sister: But your right..you know him better than me..

Me: Maybe you didn't know, because you don't ask, but his dad has Stage 4 esophageal cancer. He was given two months to live back in January. We have had overnight stays and long trips to the local hospital, and to Hershey hospital, which is about an hour or so away, over the last year and a half, since he was first diagnosed. Several times, I was there without DarkKnight! Both of us can't drop everything and be there every single trip. It just is not possible. This is a terrible, terrible time for us. We are doing our best to make sure we are there for our family, and for each other. Sometimes that means being apart. I took my son to the mall today to buy his first suit, which he will wear for the first time to his grandfather's funeral when that happens in the near future. You think I should pawn that time off on a neighbor? Or make DarkKnight do it when he comes back home tomorrow? No. I miss my husband very much, but we are both where we need to be right now.

She shut up after that.

She made me cry. Then the next morning, DarkKnight told me it made him cry too. Thankfully, several friends posted support, both publicly and privately, lots of them asking who the fuck the judgemental jerkface was.

Sigh.

DarkKnight came home yesterday. His father is still in the hospital and we are unsure if he will come home any time soon.

PunkRockAwesomesauce, DarkKnight and I had lunch together yesterday and talked about scheduling. DarkKnight's boss wants him to travel to NY on the 13th for a week. Horribly rotten timing. He is working today to iron out the details. I will definitely go with him, as will our daughter. She normally disappears when we travel to NY, as she visits all of her old friends and spends nights at their houses. My schedule is usually busy too, as a week doesn't give me much time to visit everyone. Three musts on this trip though - my oldest daughter, my best friend and my parents. My sister can go fuck herself.

I am hoping PunkRock comes too. He seems very noncommittal. I want him to meet everyone.

That said, I wish this trip could be rescheduled for later in the year. If DarkKnight's dad passes while we are gone, it'll be a mess. He can't really turn down the assignment without damaging his career though. He has been working toward becoming the go-to training guy in his company on a national level, ever since he started working there. His boss has been encouraging and fostering that goal and has been sending him traveling whenever possible. To turn down an opportunity - even with a good reason - would set him back. So he is scheduling it and I am hoping that it works out the way we need it to do.

The company headquarters is in western NY, right where we used to live, so it is doubly great when he gets invited to travel there, since the gas and mileage on my van is paid for, as well as the hotel costs and some food. It's like, why wouldn't I go along?! Free trip to see everyone!

But it's crummy timing right now.
 
Hon, block your moron sister on FB.

It won't stop her from being a judgmental ass but you don't need to see that. Even family need to be blocked when they can't act right. Yes, I know she can email or call you. However she - at least from your blog - does this nonsense mostly via social media. Block her. This kind of crap is never ok but it is extra not ok when dealing with a dying parent.

I am so sorry for DarkKnight, you and PunkRock.
 
Hon, block your moron sister on FB.

THIS.

At the very least, you can set up your posting defaults to "Friends, except..." and then add her name to the exception list. Voila - everyone BUT her gets to see what you post. You can even add her to your "Restricted" list which is (I believe) not allowed to post to your timeline by default.

Then she wouldn't be able to get huffy that you de-friended or blocked her (although at this point, I would wonder what kind of fallout would be worse than what you have now).
 
My father-in-law was transported home by ambulance this afternoon. DarkKnight went back to be there, and won't return til Sunday. Our daughter went with him this time. He called me to tell me he's been spending the day moving furniture around and getting sweaty. They've put together a sitting room in an empty bedroom upstairs for FIL, as he probably will not be able to go downstairs again. :( there is talk of a visiting nurse service and/or hospice but I don't know where that process is at the moment.

I am an emotional mess. I started crying this afternoon for no reason. Some friends were encouraging me to go out with them tonight and play trivia, and when I agreed it turned out the team was already full. I felt down a little bit from that, but somewhat relieved too, because I had kinda wanted a break. DarkKnight, PunkRock and I went yesterday evening.

I went upstairs and PunkRock held me for a bit. I told him I didn't know why I was so upset - my FIL is dying, my extended family consists of jerkfaces, my basement is continually flooding and we are super broke. Oh, and we are all definitely going to NY on the 13th for a week - I spent time yesterday rescheduling appointments for that. Oh, and I am supposed to be writing curriculum for my Astronomy class in the fall and I just cannot focus on it. Sigh.

After I collected myself for a bit, I started rearranging and organizing my upstairs linen/storage closet. It looks great now and it was a good stress reliever. PunkRock took a nap and then we went grocery shopping. He is cooking dinner at the moment.

Have I mentioned lately how awesomesauce he is?
 
Last edited:
I started crying this afternoon for no reason . . . I didn't know why I was so upset - my FIL is dying, my extended family consists of jerkfaces, my basement is continually flooding and we are super broke.
Seems to me you had a few good reasons to cry. Don't be so hard on yourself. Crying helps release pent-up energies and emotions.

Have I mentioned lately how awesomesauce he is?
Yep! Always a silver lining when things are tough, isn't there? :D
 
Terribleness here. DarkKnight called me last night and we made plans for him to come home today, drop our daughter off, and then a friend was going to keep her for a couple of days, while I came to his parents house with him and supported him.

This was because on Saturday morning he discovered his mom and sisters have all run out of vacation days, so I suggested he work from there, instead of his home office, next week, so his mom will feel more content that my father-in-law is being looked after properly by the hospice workers.

Anyway, she was in tears and so happy that he was going to do this. But I am barely holding off tears because I am missing my man something fierce. Then I realized that I could come up there if we reworked the schedule a bit and found a place for our daughter to go. PunkRock was willing to take our son to and from work, as needed, and keep the house ticking over.

Anyway, this morning I woke up at 4:30 am, completely stressed. I did laundry, prepared stuff to go, etc. Then DarkKnight called me, crying, that his mother told him that while I could come for a visit, that I was immoral and awful and if I was still continuing to "screw around on him" then I could not sleep over at her house.

He was so upset. He came home, and just cried for about 45 minutes. He said that he doesn't want to have a relationship with her anymore, and that he would be seeing a whole lot less of her after this. He feels like she thinks he is a child and can't manage his own heart, and won't accept that he is happy with me being poly.

My poor husband is having a nervous breakdown. It is clear he needs me to hug him, but we don't have the gas money for me to drive over there and back every day, so it won't happen. I sent him back anyway. I told him that as much as I want to increase the drama and keep him home with me to spite her, I can't. Because he would stay. And that isn't what she needs right now. She absolutely needs my husband there. It is painful to me to be the better person, but that means it is the right thing to do.

DarkKnight says he thinks his dad tempered her responses and kept her sweet while he was still well, but now that he isn't coherent, she is just denouncing me with everything she has.

He is both sad and hurt and angry at how bigoted and close-minded she is. He said she said several things that made him almost go nuclear - about how a marriage is between a man and a woman and that's it. Anti-gay statements, and racist statements. He told me if I were black, he would have no relationship at all with his mother. He said what is left is deteriorating fast.

My daughter ended up going back with him. She told me that she isn't that sad about her grandpa dying because she doesn't know him that well, but that she doesn't like her dad to be so sad. His sad makes her sad. I hugged her. She wanted to go back and help. So, I sent her too.

Now I just feel so fucking helpless in this.

What else? My oldest daughter in NY messaged me today to say she'll call me tonight. I let her know that hospice is saying that grandpa will pass probably today or tomorrow, at the latest. She said she can come down for the funeral, but doesn't have gas money. I can give it to her on Thursday, so she will come. She wants to be here, again, to support DarkKnight. Everyone truly loves him and can't bare to see him or know he's unhappy!

DarkKnight's sister's birthday is Thursday, so that means the funeral will be Wednesday or Friday, if he passes as predicted - NOT on her birthday. It's terrible, but I am hoping for Friday - we have so many expenses that we can't cover until Thursday, since that is my payday. My son needs new shoes for the funeral, DarkKnight needs a haircut. Gas to get us to and fro.

Ugh. Death is never practical though. We will handle whatever comes.

Of course, we have our trip to NY scheduled starting Sunday too. DarkKnight was questioning me this morning if he will look bad for still going, if his dad's funeral is Friday. I told him that it was up to him. He is really torn - but I think he plans to go. His career needs this trip.

I met most of PunkRock's extended family yesterday - we went to a family BBQ. Funny - one of PunkRock's cousins is a special needs teacher and she went to school and is friends with C3! I about fell over. I told her how PunkRock and I met - I was going to meet C3 at the game store to hang out and talk about dating, and then PunkRock was there in a suit and he caught my eye. She told me that it was good I didn't start a relationship with C3, because we would have broken up already! She said he was too up and down and all over the place with his anxiety and emotions, that he always has been. He needs to stabilize himself before being in any relationship. She said any capable person would be lost in trying to help him fix himself, and that I would probably would have burnt out trying to help him.

I think she is truthful - all of these are things I have thought myself about C3. She also agreed that he is uber cool, a great person and a solid friend to have in your corner when needed. He just unbalanced emotionally and it spills negative crazy into every aspect of his life, unfortunately.

Anyway, it was interesting to speak to another person who knows C3 and it was awesome to meet someone super cool in PunkRock's family. I enjoyed watching the interaction between PunkRock and different people. His brother, LordTenderHeart, was there, and it was good to see him again. He was very affectionate toward me and gave me lots of big hugs. He has been staying at his dad's since getting out of rehab.

I did witness some in-family gossip and unpleasantness regarding LordTenderHeart. That made me feel bad, but I could see both sides. I stayed out of it and just murmured acknowledgement of the feelings and shared the info with PunkRock, but he said this is not anything new, so I was glad I let him know. It made me feel a bit better knowing that it was a long-standing issue.

Um, oh! I want to share that at one point PunkRock and I were in the pool together and I was just completely and totally overcome with this feeling of incredible safety and acceptance. This entry has been kind of a downer, so I want to share that. He was holding me close and just kissing me, and then just watching me. I wrote about it as my sentence in my daily happiness journal last night. "The light blue water reflected in his eyes and when he looked at me, it was love."
 
I was angry and hurt this morning, thinking about how awful it feels to be separated from DarkKnight and our extended family during this terrible time. I was building up a lot of resentment, rehashing the situation in my mind. This wasn't productive though, so I decided to just stop already and go back to sleep.

DarkKnight called me last night to tell me that his father's breathing had gotten really shallow and rapid, and they thought the end was nigh, but as of right now, this is still ongoing. He just called again - he told me he missed my voice. He apologized again for his mother, and I told him of my hateful feelings this morning.

I am ok right now. PunkRock and I had amazing sexytimes this morning, and he "treated" me to McDonalds for lunch. Dollar Menu isn't really a treat, because, well, blech. Anyway, I called him my sugar daddy and he promised a possible Supreme Buffet trip tomorrow. Lol Tonight we are having hot dogs on the grill and trivia together. I have a card for a free appetizer too. Whoo hoo! :)

It is really hot out and I have no motivation to do ANYTHING right now. Just laying on the couch in the air conditioning, all fat and full of a dark chocolate Klondike bar.
 
Sometimes I wonder what the fuck is going on with my life! Our central air unit died again and it took a day before the repair people could come out and fix it. So we had a very uncomfortable night. Then, I kid you not, ten minutes after the repair person left (it was a blown capacitor) there was a freak rainstorm and our power went out. We have been without power since, and the electric company says we can have it back sometime between now and Saturday night at 11 pm.

I just want to cry and cry, but that will make me hot and without AC and fans, the hell if I am going to get heated. I just emptied out my freezer - everything into the trash - but the thought of a barren fridge threatens my no tears policy so I stopped part way through. I will prolly continue after writing this, but for right now I am overwhelmed.

Took my son out today so he now has nice dress shoes for the funeral. My father in law is still hanging on though. PunkRock drove me up to see him last night, and oh, he is so frail and small now. He wasn't before. He's on round the clock oxygen and didn't rouse when I talked to him. My husband cried a quiet bit. We went to Chipotle with PunkRock, who vacated after eating to give us some alone time. He is so kind - again I have to say how lucky I am to have him in my life.

I feel like I have been monopolizing so much of PunkRock's life these past weeks, with DarkKnight gone and stressed out when he is home. And now with the power dead, he can't even escape to the basement to paint and get some alone time. It makes me feel like an awful time suck and emotional drain on him. He says we are great, but I still feel bad. He lhasnt hesitated to let me lean on him though, so he is helping me.

My friends invited us out to trivia tonight and we will prolly go just to get out of this crazy hot sweltering house.

I had a phone call yesterday from a media corporation who wants to market our poly story to some companies. I've looked at some of their work and it seems legit. Now is such an awful time though! I should have expected some attention after the Chat magazine article and the bt.com online story but I didn't. I found out the online story was linked on at least two poly sites as well. What is hilarious to me is that the people commenting seem to be more concerned at us being overweight than being poly. The funniest comment is between being called "roly-polyamorous" and something about DarkKnight and PunkRock eating my other boyfriend. None of it hurt our feelings - bullying comments suck but they were so funny!
 
Hey, that bt.com story was pretty good!

Good job.
 
Last edited:
It is spreading! I am at a loss to contain it, not that I mind too much. lol Or I wouldn't have done the article.

It seems that a US woman's magazine is also interested and is putting out feelers. Along with the videographer in NYC. I am at a little bit of a loss of how much more we want to talk, though I have gotten a lot of positive feedback from people who have said it made them glad to know they weren't the only ones living this sort of lifestyle. I've been asked for resources. That makes me very happy - to think that I've helped others. It's such a little article!
 
Last edited:
We were approached for a reality series twice within the last year. We have declined every offer.

People are cruel and I do not need my family ripped to shreds, stalked, threatened or etc. Especially my kids. My boss is a famous guitarist. I am amazed at the photos and etc his obsessed fans find. Private personal photos. His kids are not even off limits.
 
I think we would all 3 draw the line at a reality series. My life is really not that interesting anyway!

My father in law passed this afternoon, so I am now with my husband. PunkRock is holding down the fort at home.
 
Well, things are moving forward - viewing tomorrow, funeral Tuesday. My daughter is coming down from NY so she will meet PunkRockAwesomesauce tomorrow. I am not at all nervous about it - he is awesomesauce, after all.

All of the household stuff is back to normal - central air, electric, no more flooding. Course I say that, and there's a storm going on right now!
 
Back
Top