Our triangle

Jimmy

New member
Hello, guys.

I want to share my true life/love story with you. Previously I thought my relationship with my wife was something strange, weird, upappropriate and I couldn't share it with anyone. Now I got used to it, though I never thought it would happen to me.

We're are now in our 20s. I'm 26 and my wife 23 years old. We got married two years ago. I was deeply in love with her then, and still am now. At first I thought our relationship was perfect. We had absolutely no secrets from each other. And once my beloved wife told me I wasn't her first sexual partner. For the first time she had sex with a Chinese guy when she was 17 and studied in China. He was older, 26 years then. As she told me, she actually didn't like him much. But he was extremely persistent, and she was lonely then and had problems with her studies. He went steady after her and finally got what he wanted: they had sex. He took her virginity. As I understand, they didn't bother much about protection. They were sexual partners for rather a long period of time. He got her pregnant. He wanted to marry her, but she wasn't prepared for this and she was sure her parents wouldn't approve of it. In short, she made an abortion. And soon left China.

Some time later she met me, we fell passionately in love and got married. That was a different story and I shall not dwell on this. What is important is that this Chinese guy never ceased writing and calling her - in short, keeping in touch. She wasn't happy about that, but he had her contacts. And she somehow felt obliged to him (I still can't understand why).

Soon after we got married this guy arrived in our city. He asked (even begged) my wife to meet him, take him around the city. He reminded her of her life in China, her first sexual experience, her unborn baby. To make a long story short, he got my wife into his bed again. She spent with him about a week in his hotel room. I'm sure that was the real and only purpose of his stay. Then he went back to China and again left her pregnant with his baby. She told me she didn't want that to happen, but he had some inexplicable power over her. She simply couldn't resist him, and he made sex to her without any condoms or pills she had always taken.

After much hesitation we decided to keep the baby because my wife was afraid to make an abortion again. When the Chinese guy found out he was going to be a father, he came again and told her he was going to participate in her and her baby's lives.

This participation included sexual intercourse as well. Finally we became a real triad. My wife says she doesn't love him, but he gives her such sexual satisfaction she has never known with other men (i.e. with me). He only fucks her bareback and doesn't accept any kind of contraception. And I think the possibility and even high risk of getting pregnant by him is what makes it especially intense. Now she's bearing his baby again. A week ago we found out she was again pregnant.

During their last conversation he said she made him happy and he's going to make with her at least five or six (!) children.

I believe my wife's attitude is weird, but I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her.
 
How did he find out he was about to be a father? She must've contacted him, of course.

During their last conversation he said she made him happy and he's going to make with her at least five or six (!) children.

I believe my wife's attitude is weird, but I love her so much and can't imagine my life without her.

I think you need to both open your eyes. Bringing children into the world is something to be taken very seriously. It isn't a hobby. They are human beings with emotional, psychological, and physical needs! That your wife and her BF want to just get her pregnant for fun and thrills is ridiculous, and sounds like a fetish, but it is a very dangerous game. If this is a real story, I suggest therapy for all of you (and birth control!). I don't think anyone with this kind of cavalier attitude should be parenting children. What you're doing is extremely upsetting and disturbing to me.
 
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Hello Jimmy,
Welcome to our forum.

Wow; I, too, am concerned about the sound of your situation. From what I can see, this Chinese man essentially engaged in stalking behavior, contacting your wife when she didn't really want him to contact her. But now suddenly she is okay with him, has one of his kids and another is already on the way? What was so scary about having an abortion this time around?

Sounds to me like he has really gotten inside her head, and is an overbearing person. Great sex isn't everything; if he messes up her life (and yours) with an overabundance of kids, is it really worth it?

Do you have the financial means to support 5-6 kids? Do you have the time and energy to keep up with it? How much of a contribution is the Chinese fellow making to the care and raising of these kids? or is he more the type to just enjoy the sex and then let you and her worry about the consequences?

How does this affect any hopes you may have had to have kids with her? Seriously, it sounds like the other guy is completely taking over and making all the rules, and both of you are capitulating to him.

A "triangle" is a trio of adults who all have sex with each other. Do you have sex with this Chinese guy? I didn't get that impression from your original post. If not, then your configuration is better described as a V (with your wife as the hinge).

Polyamory is all about genuine knowledge and consent, on the part of all involved parties. Honestly, when you look inside yourself, do you really consent to this? Does your wife really consent to it? Are the two of you okay with being controlled like this guy is controlling you?

I'm a little scared for you. I hope your life and situation work out. I think a poly-friendly counselor would be a must for you guys.

On the other hand, what works for one family isn't what works for another family, so if you're truly okay with your family's state of affairs and it works for you, then carry on.

You might want to do some reading on various threads on this site, and I hope you'll keep us updated on your own situation as well.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
How did he find out he was about to be a father? She must've contacted him, of course.

Yes, she did.

That your wife and her BF want to just get her pregnant for fun and thrills is ridiculous, and sounds like a fetish, but it is a very dangerous game. If this is a real story, I suggest therapy for all of you (and birth control!).

I know that, of course. And I can't understand why she lets him do this to her. I've told her already that if she's going to go on with this sexual relationship she should at least think about birth control.

She told me once he had initially forced her to unprotected sex. But I don't think he does it now. It looks like she does it voluntarily. And I suspect this would continue.
 
Hello Jimmy,
Welcome to our forum.

Wow; I, too, am concerned about the sound of your situation. From what I can see, this Chinese man essentially engaged in stalking behavior, contacting your wife when she didn't really want him to contact her. But now suddenly she is okay with him, has one of his kids and another is already on the way? What was so scary about having an abortion this time around?

Sounds to me like he has really gotten inside her head, and is an overbearing person. Great sex isn't everything; if he messes up her life (and yours) with an overabundance of kids, is it really worth it?

Do you have the financial means to support 5-6 kids? Do you have the time and energy to keep up with it? How much of a contribution is the Chinese fellow making to the care and raising of these kids? or is he more the type to just enjoy the sex and then let you and her worry about the consequences?

How does this affect any hopes you may have had to have kids with her? Seriously, it sounds like the other guy is completely taking over and making all the rules, and both of you are capitulating to him.

A "triangle" is a trio of adults who all have sex with each other. Do you have sex with this Chinese guy? I didn't get that impression from your original post. If not, then your configuration is better described as a V (with your wife as the hinge).

Polyamory is all about genuine knowledge and consent, on the part of all involved parties. Honestly, when you look inside yourself, do you really consent to this? Does your wife really consent to it? Are the two of you okay with being controlled like this guy is controlling you?

I'm a little scared for you. I hope your life and situation work out. I think a poly-friendly counselor would be a must for you guys.

On the other hand, what works for one family isn't what works for another family, so if you're truly okay with your family's state of affairs and it works for you, then carry on.

You might want to do some reading on various threads on this site, and I hope you'll keep us updated on your own situation as well.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Hi, Kevin.

Thank you for your thorough reply.

First of all, I'm against abortions. This is a terrible thing to happen. And my wife isn't sure what to do now. But the father wants her to keep the baby. He says he will take care of them, but I'm not sure about that. But, to tell you the truth, he tries to help.

Thanks God, we have financial means, but 6 Chinese children - it's too much.

Somehow he's really gotten into her head, you're right. I don't know what she's found in him. Well, great sex, that's it. To be honest, the whole situation turned me on in the beginning. I imagined how she got her satisfaction with him, how she moaned in his hands when he entered her. That sounds awful, but that's true. That's why I didn't stop it then. And now it's turned out to be an awkward situation.
 
And now it's turned out to be an awkward situation.

Awkward???!!! That's putting it rather mildly. It seems much more serious to me. You are young, so you may not realize that there are some people who have a very serious mental disorder which is connected to getting pregnant and having babies. I really really really recommend you and your wife get some professional help.

This isn't really a poly situation. It sounds like this man bad news and taking advantage of your wife. Don't be so complacent!
 
Awkward???!!! That's putting it rather mildly. It seems much more serious to me. You are young, so you may not realize that there are some people who have a very serious mental disorder which is connected to getting pregnant and having babies. I really really really recommend you and your wife get some professional help.

This isn't really a poly situation. It sounds like this man bad news and taking advantage of your wife. Don't be so complacent!

Yeah, maybe you're right. It's so complicated... I can't even say we should do it before it goes too far. Because it's already gone too far.

The guy says he's always loved my wife. And she likes it. She likes to know that someone is completely mad about her. I think that's the point. He says she's his first girl and doesn't want anyone else. At least that's what she says about him.
 
Well maybe to him this is like true love, but to me he should at least be willing to make some concessions. And she's content with him being crazy about her, even if she's not crazy about him?

Sounds to me like you've kind of gotten in over your head before you even quite realized it.

So you know six kids is gonna be too much ... so what are you going to do about that? surely not just let all six kids be born and hope you somehow get lucky?

I got the impression that the first of his kids with her had already been born? and that now there's a second child on the way? or did I misread that?

If abortion is out of the question, then birth control needs to seriously enter the question. I'm actually thinking she might want to consider getting her tubes tied, although as mentioned before that screws up any hopes you might have had of having kids with her. On the other hand, what else are you going to do, have six Chinese kids plus more kids that are yours and hers together? How many kids totally will we then be talking about?

I'm all for compersion (such as getting excited about the pleasure your wife receives from him), but again, you have to assess if all this great sex is really worth it, even if it's great for both of you. It's not just about whether he's going to help raise these children. It's also about whether you and your wife really like this guy enough to invest the rest of your lives with him. Guess I'd personally be turned off by his style ...

It's like he put the whammy on your wife. Like, she wasn't really interested in him in the beginning, yet somehow he talked her into having sex (and forcing it on her without protection? sounds hard to do if the sex itself is consensual), and then, by mere force of persistence, eventually talked her into giving him everything he wanted.

Makes me wonder if your wife doesn't have some kind of psychological disorder that's making her so vulnerable like this. But you have to examine your own mind, as you, too, have started to decide to go along with it.

I just really worry that this guy is going to screw up both of your lives. And all because he's great in bed? I hope both of you are getting more out of the relationship than just that.

No offense intended, sorry if any was given. You understand my concerns, I hope.
 
Well maybe to him this is like true love, but to me he should at least be willing to make some concessions. And she's content with him being crazy about her, even if she's not crazy about him?

Sounds to me like you've kind of gotten in over your head before you even quite realized it.

So you know six kids is gonna be too much ... so what are you going to do about that? surely not just let all six kids be born and hope you somehow get lucky?

I got the impression that the first of his kids with her had already been born? and that now there's a second child on the way? or did I misread that?

If abortion is out of the question, then birth control needs to seriously enter the question. I'm actually thinking she might want to consider getting her tubes tied, although as mentioned before that screws up any hopes you might have had of having kids with her. On the other hand, what else are you going to do, have six Chinese kids plus more kids that are yours and hers together? How many kids totally will we then be talking about?

I'm all for compersion (such as getting excited about the pleasure your wife receives from him), but again, you have to assess if all this great sex is really worth it, even if it's great for both of you. It's not just about whether he's going to help raise these children. It's also about whether you and your wife really like this guy enough to invest the rest of your lives with him. Guess I'd personally be turned off by his style ...

It's like he put the whammy on your wife. Like, she wasn't really interested in him in the beginning, yet somehow he talked her into having sex (and forcing it on her without protection? sounds hard to do if the sex itself is consensual), and then, by mere force of persistence, eventually talked her into giving him everything he wanted.

Makes me wonder if your wife doesn't have some kind of psychological disorder that's making her so vulnerable like this. But you have to examine your own mind, as you, too, have started to decide to go along with it.

I just really worry that this guy is going to screw up both of your lives. And all because he's great in bed? I hope both of you are getting more out of the relationship than just that.

No offense intended, sorry if any was given. You understand my concerns, I hope.

Yes, Kevin, you're right in many ways. And yet, my wife and this guy already have two children (one unborn), she's not ready, I believe, to exclude him from our life.
 
This reads like cuckold and breeder porn. I am very skeptical if it is true.

However on the unlikely chance it is real, get therapy for yourself and your wife. There is no way two mentally and emotionally healthy adults would have accepted such behavior. It's manipulative, non-consensual and disturbing.

Of course that's why it's fap fodder.
 
This reads like cuckold and breeder porn. I am very skeptical if it is true.

However on the unlikely chance it is real, get therapy for yourself and your wife. There is no way two mentally and emotionally healthy adults would have accepted such behavior. It's manipulative, non-consensual and disturbing.

Of course that's why it's fap fodder.

If I were you, I wouldn't argue about 'normal', 'mentally healthy', 'disturbing', etc. I happened to see such things that I don't use those terms any longer.
And there's no joke in my post. I don't like your implications. If you have nothing to say to the point, then just pass by.
 
One other thought that's occurred to me since yesterday: maybe this Chinese guy needs some professional help/counseling as well. He seems to have some inappropriate control issues. But would he be willing to listen to a therapist? He seems to be sooo self-confident ... ah, but humility is an important virtue, too.

We're just a website with a bunch of random people; we can't *know* whether someone's story is for real (and you might be surprised how many tale-telling trolls there are out there), but I'm just speaking to you from the point of view of the information I've been given so far. If nothing else, it may be helpful to others who follow?

Shoot, I'd like it if I could be sure you were just "telling us a story." If this stuff is happening to you for real, then honestly, I feel rather bad for you. Personal opinion: this Chinese guy has no rightful place in your lives. Move away, and make sure he doesn't get your forwarding address. I'm sorry he has (seems to have) issues, but he has to be the ultimate person in charge of those issues. Don't get sucked down his whirlpool; it won't help any of you.

Re (from Jimmy):
"Yes, Kevin, you're right in many ways. And yet, my wife and this guy already have two children (one unborn), she's not ready, I believe, to exclude him from our life."

Ah, so one of his children has already been born. So what happens now? You wait until he has six kids by her, then decide if she's ready to exclude him from her life? Jeezh, doesn't it seem like you'd just be getting deeper and deeper into his bottomless pit? Both of you have serious reservations about him. You only put up with him because of his bed prowess. Based on what I know so far, all I can think of is: Run! Run! Run!
 
Ah, so one of his children has already been born. So what happens now? You wait until he has six kids by her, then decide if she's ready to exclude him from her life? Jeezh, doesn't it seem like you'd just be getting deeper and deeper into his bottomless pit? Both of you have serious reservations about him. You only put up with him because of his bed prowess. Based on what I know so far, all I can think of is: Run! Run! Run!

That is absolutely out of question. I have my business here. And we can't just take our luggage and move somewhere. Why should we? Is this guy a terrorist? I could easily throw him out of our life, but Pauline doesn't seem willing to do this. At least not now. I think, she must choose. I'll have to tell her, if she's going to go on with him, it'll be over between us.
 
Ah -- you have the more difficult path to follow: telling *him* to run.

Wow, so Pauline is really hooked on this guy. Alas she doesn't realize what a toxic streak he has! Maybe she almost did realize it at one time? but somehow he has put the "whammy" on her.

Wow, sucks to be in your situation. Go along with Pauline's black-hole trajectory, or fire up the afterburners and leave her to her own tragic end. Jeezh, sorry it's like that, but it kind of seems like it is.

Too bad this Chinese guy won't get some psychological help. I think he needs it.
 
And we can't just take our luggage and move somewhere. Why should we? Is this guy a terrorist?
In a word, yes. He is. He is terrorizing you and your wife. I don't understand why you are not as disgusted by him as we are.

I could easily throw him out of our life, but Pauline doesn't seem willing to do this.
Well then you will have to grow some balls and draw the line. She needs serious help. Would you sit back and do nothing if she wanted to smoke crystal meth or walk around a bad neighborhood at night? Kowtowing to her predilection is not the way to help her. It only serves to cause more damage. Take a stand, and intervene!

I think, she must choose. I'll have to tell her, if she's going to go on with him, it'll be over between us.
She doesn't need someone who gives an ultimatum and abandons her. She needs someone to be strong where she is weak, to cut off all contact with the Chinese guy, and to get her into serious, intensive mental therapy. Your partner is stumbling and needs your help - all you've done so far is step back and watch. Now you have to do what you can to save her life. She's your wife, for goodness sakes.


That is, if this whole story isn't fiction. It is so damn hard to believe any of it! But if it's real, I urge you to step up and tend to her mental health, do something serious like get a restraining order against the Chinese dude.
 
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I guess you do owe it to her to try to help her get out of this quicksand pit, before doing anything else. Let's just hope she'll reach out and take that branch when you offer it to her.
 
That is, if this whole story isn't fiction. It is so damn hard to believe any of it! But if it's real, I urge you to step up and tend to her mental health, do something serious like get a restraining order against the Chinese dude.

I only want her to be happy. Don't know what I should do in this situation. Hope we'll cope with it. BTW, I didn't think it to be sooo tragic as you've described it. My wife seems quite satisfied with her life.
 
I only want her to be happy. Don't know what I should do in this situation. Hope we'll cope with it. BTW, I didn't think it to be sooo tragic as you've described it. My wife seems quite satisfied with her life.

Yeah. You and she and he are all happy, but kids are not "awkward situations." You are seriously all crazy and I hope someone is around who can care for these children as they deserve....and not as the byproduct of someone's fetish for getting pregnant.

"Cope with it?" Yeah, you don't "cope" with having kids.

"I believe my wife's attitude is weird" There's "weird" and there's "f*ed up." Getting pregnant as a fetish is not weird, it's insane. Seriously, she needs professional help.

"That is absolutely out of question. I have my business here." So your business comes before your wife's kids. Fine, but so far, I have seen no concern from you about the children....they're just the natural result of what it takes to keep your wife happy and with you. Maybe you should think about them, and not about your sex life.

To everyone else, this is fake, right? People don't do this kind of thing?
 
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I just met a poly husband last weekend who told me his wife's fetish is being pregnant. They are 32 with 6 children. I just, for the life of me, could never have that many kids. Mine are nicely spread out and it's great because each child gets a lot more of devoted attention from DH and I. The oldest was almost 8 when I had my second child and aside from the built-in sitter each child's needs were different and we as parents could actually be there for each of them. Even when our third and last came a few years ago (makes it 13 between oldest and youngest and the middle one is 5.5 years older than the baby) 8 weeks early, each child still received quality love, care and attention.

What's nuts about having so many kids is that fair to them? I really was happy with my two, a girl and a boy. DH and I had replaced ourselves, so to speak, and the third, well accidents can happen and I don't regret having her but the reality is, my oldest will start college and my youngest will start kindergarten at the same time in a few more years.

Jimmy - when this next baby is delivered and it's 6 weeks later, make sure this guy is sitll in China and convince her to get an IUD. She can't just remove it, she will never have to take a pill and she'll probably love it, reducing periods etc. I am on the mirena iud and I love it!

Other posters are correct - you don't care about these babies (they aren't yours) and if you truly care about your wife...I hate saying this but get her to a psychologist/psychiatrist because she sounds as much of a whack job as this guy does.
 
Haha...laughing at Alibabe's shock at 6 kids.... I knew a couple with 15...and they couldn't take care of them all and had respite babysitting.

Pregnancy fetish is truly vile. I wish they could be surrogates or something, at least that way they are helping others with their fetish instead of having children they are only half interested in.
 
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