frogprincess21ca
New member
coming out and rejection
Hi all,
i have been struggling for months and finally decided to post here about my coming out to my family.
Firstly let me state that i am poly by my own choice. i have two wonderful male partners. One of 9 years ( P) and another of just over a year(Y).
last Christmas i decided that i wouldn't spend my holidays without my second partner. It is actually a rule that i have with my first partner that i believe is important to follow with my second partner because holidays are suppose to be spent with family.
Now i am aware that Holidays are probably not the best time to come out but around that time i was also very ill( i was steps away from being placed in the hospital) I considered that i might not survive my illness and decided that it was time to come out to my family. I didn't want them to find out after i had died.
Anyway i ended up decided to tell my mother first and then decide with her what to do. i though she was more open minded then she is. So i planed to go to coffee with her on a Sunday and told her that i needed to talk about something . She insisted i tell her Saturday no matter what. So i explained to her that i had two partners and that we loved each other and were really happy. This is not the first time my mother has been presented with poly or with open relationships. Most of my friends are in some form of unique and wonderful relationship that is good for them .
I was kinda shocked when she freaked out completely. Told me that what i was doing was against god(shes not overly religious i really don't know where that one came from). She couldn't accept it. and wouldn't help me talk to my father at all. She kept saying that she didn't want to know about my sex life when she used to regularly ask me for details that i refused to give to her about that. I patiently explained to her that it was about love and not about sex. That i was with two wonderful men because i loved them and they loved me. She further freaked out and basically said that she was against any form of different relationship including lgbt relationships. This one threw me for a further loop because she has had gay friends for years . I asked her about this and she again told me it was against god and that what they were doing wasn't right and i wasn't doing anything right. Things were going really bad where the conversations started to become unproductive and i finally had to tell her i love her and let her go. I told her that i would talk to her again after a few days letting things settle a bit.
Forward a few days my dad calls me up and tells me that they wern't disowning me but they never wanted to see me again or for a very long time. I tried to reason with him. I knew he was anti gay rights, i offered to get him resources so he could learn about my relationship. i tried to get them to meet with my second partner. But no they didn't want anything to do with me anymore and they didn't know what they were going to tell my grandparents. ***(tangent....my parents were extremely abusive while i was growing up, i have worked hard to have a relationship with them and keep my family together because they were all that i had...blood is supposed to stick with you through anything)
after this conversation i texted my sister and told her that i probably wouldn't see her for a while because of what happened. she stated that i was stupid and that i shouldn't be doing this to my parents.
Christmas rolls around and i spent it alone ....P spent it with his other girlfriend and Y was at his parents. my birthday was spent with just a text message from my father.
i tried rebuilding a relationship with them through texting but they still wont accept anything.
I don't know how to deal with the rejection. I hurt so badly that i can't do anything. I didn't do anything terribly wrong. other then being honest which in my personal belief is right. There is not much out there to support a situation like this that i have been able to find.i try to stay happy and strong but i am just starting to get so tierd and worn down. I love my partners so very much. I will not break up with one of my partners (this wouldn't help anyway). My men try to be supportive but there isn't anything they can do.
ive considered therapy but i can't find therapy that would cover this issue. I can't grieve for the loss of my family because they arn't dead . And i know i will run into them so time. they live really close to me. i havn't figured out how to deal with this. I even asked if they would consider counselling with me to work through our problems and they declined and basically told me that they can't accept my choice and never will.
can anyone out there relate , has anyone gone through this, does anyone have a idea on how to cope with all this pain.
Hi all,
i have been struggling for months and finally decided to post here about my coming out to my family.
Firstly let me state that i am poly by my own choice. i have two wonderful male partners. One of 9 years ( P) and another of just over a year(Y).
last Christmas i decided that i wouldn't spend my holidays without my second partner. It is actually a rule that i have with my first partner that i believe is important to follow with my second partner because holidays are suppose to be spent with family.
Now i am aware that Holidays are probably not the best time to come out but around that time i was also very ill( i was steps away from being placed in the hospital) I considered that i might not survive my illness and decided that it was time to come out to my family. I didn't want them to find out after i had died.
Anyway i ended up decided to tell my mother first and then decide with her what to do. i though she was more open minded then she is. So i planed to go to coffee with her on a Sunday and told her that i needed to talk about something . She insisted i tell her Saturday no matter what. So i explained to her that i had two partners and that we loved each other and were really happy. This is not the first time my mother has been presented with poly or with open relationships. Most of my friends are in some form of unique and wonderful relationship that is good for them .
I was kinda shocked when she freaked out completely. Told me that what i was doing was against god(shes not overly religious i really don't know where that one came from). She couldn't accept it. and wouldn't help me talk to my father at all. She kept saying that she didn't want to know about my sex life when she used to regularly ask me for details that i refused to give to her about that. I patiently explained to her that it was about love and not about sex. That i was with two wonderful men because i loved them and they loved me. She further freaked out and basically said that she was against any form of different relationship including lgbt relationships. This one threw me for a further loop because she has had gay friends for years . I asked her about this and she again told me it was against god and that what they were doing wasn't right and i wasn't doing anything right. Things were going really bad where the conversations started to become unproductive and i finally had to tell her i love her and let her go. I told her that i would talk to her again after a few days letting things settle a bit.
Forward a few days my dad calls me up and tells me that they wern't disowning me but they never wanted to see me again or for a very long time. I tried to reason with him. I knew he was anti gay rights, i offered to get him resources so he could learn about my relationship. i tried to get them to meet with my second partner. But no they didn't want anything to do with me anymore and they didn't know what they were going to tell my grandparents. ***(tangent....my parents were extremely abusive while i was growing up, i have worked hard to have a relationship with them and keep my family together because they were all that i had...blood is supposed to stick with you through anything)
after this conversation i texted my sister and told her that i probably wouldn't see her for a while because of what happened. she stated that i was stupid and that i shouldn't be doing this to my parents.
Christmas rolls around and i spent it alone ....P spent it with his other girlfriend and Y was at his parents. my birthday was spent with just a text message from my father.
i tried rebuilding a relationship with them through texting but they still wont accept anything.
I don't know how to deal with the rejection. I hurt so badly that i can't do anything. I didn't do anything terribly wrong. other then being honest which in my personal belief is right. There is not much out there to support a situation like this that i have been able to find.i try to stay happy and strong but i am just starting to get so tierd and worn down. I love my partners so very much. I will not break up with one of my partners (this wouldn't help anyway). My men try to be supportive but there isn't anything they can do.
ive considered therapy but i can't find therapy that would cover this issue. I can't grieve for the loss of my family because they arn't dead . And i know i will run into them so time. they live really close to me. i havn't figured out how to deal with this. I even asked if they would consider counselling with me to work through our problems and they declined and basically told me that they can't accept my choice and never will.
can anyone out there relate , has anyone gone through this, does anyone have a idea on how to cope with all this pain.