Dangerous neighbors...

Brunetteangel03

New member
Ok, so I don't live in the best apartment complex, there have been ppl pulled from their apt in handcuffs by the cops and ambulances taking ppl out as well.

One of the first nights my gf was back from Iraq her and her hubby had a disagreement outside the apt and some guy got nosey and chatted a bit with them. Then about a week ago I had 3 or 4 guys (one of them that same one from that night.) hitting on me and saying some pretty foul things ( making me feel like a piece of meat or something.)

well last night that same guy came knocking on my door and Andy answered the door, the guy wanted to cut through my apt to antother apt, which was totally out of the question. Andy thinks ppl are getting curious about me because my gf and bf are always there and we do show our affections (kiss each other goodbye in the am or something, very PG) outside the apartment.

I am now a little worried someone will try to enter and rape me or something. Am I now the apt complex whore and does everyone think I just sleep around with ppl? my bf and gf are the only ones that have been over since I moved there. We are all a bit worried, because I am a bit of an easy target, I am short and small and live alone when they leave soon....do I have anything to worry about?..
 
You might want to start carrying pepper spray and an emergency beacon. Also, leave some lights on when you go out so it looks like someone's home.

It looks like you want us to tell you that there's nothing to worry about, that these people just "don't understand poly" and the problem is them and their closed-minded attitude, but just because someone calls you "paranoid" doesn't mean there aren't people out to get you.
 
Ignorant people can hurt you. I had a milder experience of this at a music fest this summer. I (a woman) was dancing with my gf in a large crowd. My gf overheard some young males talking about the lesbians in front of them (us). At one point I leaned over to get something out of my bag and one of them goosed me. I guess young straight males think they have to beat or force the gay out of ya. Scary shit! Take precautions!
 
Target hardening is the concept you want to employ here. Always look them straight in the face, so that they know you can identify them if necessary. Be firm and direct. If you act scared or like a pushover, they'll think you're an easy target. If someone gets too close to you, instruct them loudly to back off. Use locks. Carry personal protection - pepper spray is a good option, but study how it's used because it can be ineffective in certain circumstances or could blow back on you in windy conditions. If you wish to look at other forms of personal protection, be aware of the laws in your state/jurisdiction - for example, don't carry a concealed weapon without a permit. Carry a cellular telephone with you with a preprogrammed emergency number. Tell your close friends or family about the situation and document, if you feel the need, inappropriate contacts. If they live in the area, you could also make a complaint to the rental office. Sometimes people in the area aren't supposed to be there because they've been barred. Last thing I can think of without writing a paper is simply to trust your gut. If you're supposed to leave the apartment and are alone, and those who have intimidated you are apparently ready and waiting for you, don't leave the apartment!
 
1ST, Get started in some sort of self defense program. Preferably Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

2nd, Walk with confidence. Thugs prefer a target that will provide the least resistance.

3rd, Cut back on the PDA's. (Public Displays of Affection) Sadly, the general population does not understand poly, and MOST view poly as the same as swingers. And "swingers" are "easy" and "sluts" to them. So, if you are willing to sleep with two other people at the same time, you MUST be easy....right? :rolleyes:

4th, you have done NOTHING wrong. Talk to the Pierce County Sherriffs dept and see if they might be able to do some extra patrols in your area, or if they can suggest a course of action for you.

5th, look into moving to University Place. It's VERY nice there. ;)


My wife and I used to live in University Place, then moved to Bellevue, and now in Florida. Wish the other half of our dynamic would all want to move to Wa with us. :(
 
Also, if I were you, I would also consider documenting the problem and making a formal complaint to your complex's management. If you end up having to break your lease to protect your safety and well-being, having that kind of formal complaint on file can mean the difference between getting your deposit back or not. And some complex managers & owners are VERY pro-active about safety and security.

But don't count on anyone else. Ultimately, you need to be ready to defend and protect yourself.
 
If a confrontation does escalate to the physical (hopefully it doesn't!) utilize elbows, knees to vulnerable areas of the body such as the groin. Don't be afraid to put fingers in the eyes or to pick up something lying around (trash can, beer bottle, broom etc) to use. Also, try to avoid going to the ground.
 
At all costs avoid getting physical, my problem with the physical is that unless you actually know how to fight (and I mean at a high level btw), this could get you hurt. Best thing to do is try to run, make lots of noise and get help. Even then sheer strength and power are going to be your attackers friend. As a kid who was brought up fighting, my size and power would put a stop to most people at the initial levels of any martial arts. If you can't do damage when you hit someone, it won't stop them from coming after you. A kick to the groin hurts a lot less than you think it does when the adrenaline is pumping btw! Anyone who has ever been in a street fight knows that...oh and in a pinch, keys in your hand make a fantastic weapon. Signifigantly better than fingers ;)

My mother taught me this ages ago (as someone who was raped and robbed a few times working in Toronto at nights), and it helped me when we were poor and I was more involved in the streets...avoid privacy, hit all the public spaces you can and learn to make CRAP loads of noise. One of your best weapons against a rapist or someone robbing you is noise. Don't not assume you can ever defend yourself physically. Hell carry an air horn. Its shocking how much these people don't want to be noticed. In an apartment you are bound to have neighbours notice something as odd as an air horn. Someone yelling for example, depending on where you live, may not do anything. In my old neighourhood, yelling and screaming were par for the course, its amazing how tuned out you become to it when trying to go to sleep at night. Its an unfortunate circumstance...

My mom chased away more than enough people trying to rob or attack her with a simple air horn. :)...probably deafened a few people too.

And, the confidence walk helps to. Its a lot easier to attack someone who is weak than someone who is walking tall. Its a very simple point but one that is very valid :)

Lastly, truly understand your surroundings. Where are exits, does your garbage room lock from the inside, elevators, stair wells to echo the sounds, which old person on your floor leaves their doors open during the day or night? All of these things can really help you in a pinch. Do I sound a little paranoid, ya probably. I spent the first part of my life defending myself against gangs. There was no way I could always physically defend myself. I would have been foolish to try.

Ari.
 
Lastly, truly understand your surroundings. Where are exits, does your garbage room lock from the inside, elevators, stair wells to echo the sounds, which old person on your floor leaves their doors open during the day or night? All of these things can really help you in a pinch. Do I sound a little paranoid, ya probably. I spent the first part of my life defending myself against gangs. There was no way I could always physically defend myself. I would have been foolish to try.

Ari.

Great advice Ari, where I come from we refer to it as Situational Awareness.
Looking confident is definitely a big part of avoiding becoming a target. Criminals aren't usually looking for a fight, they pick their targets wisely because that's their job. There are some people you just look at and think "I don't want to mess with them" even though you know nothing about them. We refer to that as the first range of combat: the Psychological range. If you can win there you're a lot less likely to get close enough to really engage.
 
To add to what I posted above; The reason I said to find a BJJ school to train at, is because as a woman, you will most likely find yourself in the rape position and that BJJ was developed to give the smaller person the advantage. i.e. flat on your back, with a man on top of you between your legs. This position is also known as "the guard" in BJJ. (I am a martial arts instructor amongst other things) From the guard, you can perform a LOT of submission techyniques, which will make the person pass out. Get into the classes as soon as you can. You will NEVER loose the training, and you will be far better off than if you had not.

Knowing your surroundings is the key. I have never been in a fight that I didn't want to be in. Either on the streets, or in the ring. ;) I have been in many street fights. The person with the most "heart" and determination wins no matter the size. ;)
 
The person with the most "heart" and determination wins no matter the size. ;)



Bullshit. That line of thought gets unprepared people hurt, raped, and killed every day.

BJJ is great against a single attacker, if they don't get the jump on you, and you have the training to properly apply the techniques. Even at that, someone significantly larger than you can simply power out of many of them. I'm 5'10, 160 pounds, and hane been training in martial arts for 19 years - and I still won't use most BJJ-type techniques against someone much larger than me, because the weight/size factor is always going to be a factor. You can't lock in a submission technique like an armbar (and I do love my armbars :) ) if the person has the muscle to prevent you from extending the joint all the way. You're not gonna choke someone out if they can just pick you up while you're attached to their neck and hurl you bodily across the room - been there, done that, got the concussion for my efforts.

First off, Mono is absolutely right about the psychological range of combat. In short, don't look like prey, and predators will leave you alone. Don't be overly aggressive, but don't show fear - treat these "men" like the animals they are. Would you show an aggressive dog that you're afraid of it?

Secondly, I can't remember who mentioned talking to your rental company/landlord type person, but this is also a great idea. Nothing hurts business like bad press, and someone getting harrassed like that will generate a LOT of bad press. They don't want that, and will most likely go to great lengths to prevent that sort of thing from happening.

Talk to local police that patrol the area. Let them know what's going on. Most cops have no problem making a nightly pass or two through someplace where a woman is feeling insecure, particularly if that place is where she lives. Also, get to know your neighbors (not the animals you're woried about, obviously) and keep an eye on each other. If you've experienced things like this, it's very unlikely that you are the only one who has. Not only will you and your neighbors looking out for each other make the area safer, but if you and your neighbors all talk to the rental company about the same issues, they'll pretty much have to do something about it. Strength in numbers works just as well for persuasion as it does for other things ;)

Lastly, if you feel the need to prepare yourself for physical violence, there are things you should know:

Even the odds: You're small. Deal with it, don't over look it. You probably can't punch/kick as hard as the other guy can, so cheat: car keys, a retractable baton, a knife, whatever. The MOST IMPORTANT THING to remember about this, though, is that if you aren't prepared to USE a weapon, you have no business pulling it out. Hesitating, even warning them, will most likely result in them taking the weapon from you. If it comes down to a situation like this, don't hesitate, attack.

There are a few points on the human body that, no matter how big, tough, or drugged-out you are, will still physically disable you if they stop working. Your eyes are the primary example - if they grab you, jam a finger, key, or whatever into an eye socket. Don't be shy about it, either - gouge that bitch out of their head. If they can't see, they can't fight back.

The throat. Much more dependable than the groin shot. No matter how big someone is, their voice box doesn't have muscles on it. Jab something in there, whether it's your fist, the end of a baton, or whatever, and they loose the ability to breathe. Blood fills up the esophagus (breathing tube to the lungs), at least temporarily, which gives you time to run away while they're choking on their own blood.

The groin shot is actually a really, really low percentage shot to disable an attacker. Most often, a shot thrown at the groin will hit the penis, not the testicles. This will just piss the guy off. Not a good option.

Remember, these options are LAST RESORTS. The best way to get out of a fight is to never be in the fight to begin with. BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS AT ALL TIMES. If you see this group of thugs hanging out at the door into the apartment building, DON'T GO IN. Come back later - maybe with a cop following you home. Don't open your door if someone is knocking on it, use the peephole. Mohegan and I live in a rough neighborhood, and we have a "call ahead" rule for all of our friends. We don't even answer the door buzzer if we haven't been called ahead of time to know that we're expecting someone, and even then, we use the peephole first before unlocking the door.

Park in a well lit area, the closer to your building's door, the better. If you have/will be purchasing a weapon, make sure it's clearly visible, not just to attackers, but also to any random police officer that pulls you over for speeding or something. They can't cite you for a concealed weapon charge if it's not concealed, and animals like the ones your dealing with will think twice after seeing that you're armed. One of our close friends recently got accosted by a group of five men at night. She's maybe 130 pounds. However, after she snapped out her asp (retractable baton) and brought it up like she knew what she was doing with it - which she does - they decided to leave her the hell alone. She was no longer seen as an easy target.

Be careful, good luck. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask.
 
BJJ is good, but your goal should be to not end up on the ground in the first place. And of course the real goal is to not end up in a physical confrontation anyway. Avoiding dangerous situations is good, talking your way out of something, also good, even running away, but sometimes it happens that you can't and for some reason you have to fight. Krav Maga, IMO, is the most practical martial art when it comes to street fighting because that it was it is designed for is hand to hand fighting that doesn't have any rules or fairness. You don't learn striking in BJJ. In a situation where there may be multiple attackers, going to the ground is not only impractical but very very dangerous. Nothing is a substitute for training and lots of practice but the essence of Krav Maga in some ways is that you must be willing to do whatever it takes, no matter how "vicious" it may seem in order to stay alive. Meaning specifically, don't be afraid to hit vulnerable/subvulnerable areas on the body (it's not cheating if it's going to save your life). The groin is only one of those. Eyes, throat, knees. Bite if you have to. Gouge his eyes out. Bludgeon him over the head with a near by heavy object. There are endless possibilities. The big idea is don't be afraid to be meaner than him if your life is in danger, it can save you. And if someone takes you to the ground, for shit's sake, don't try to arm bar them (unless you're like a jiujitsu black belt), just hit them with whatever is handy, your elbow, your keys, that rock right next to you. Scream, attract attention. Do what you have to. In training for these kind of situations, one of the first things you have to learn is that attitude. It took me awhile to be comfortable with it when I started. The whole women being socialized to be nice thing...
 
I have a voice like an air-horn.

I've scared off quite a few people like that just by being loud at them. They would approach me like, "Honey, blah blah" and I'd just bellow "I'M NOT YOUR HONEY" and they back off muttering about how I should have "more respect" for people who are begging me for a cigarette or "spare change" at midnight.

I'm still here.
 
Bullshit. That line of thought gets unprepared people hurt, raped, and killed every day.

BJJ is great against a single attacker, if they don't get the jump on you, and you have the training to properly apply the techniques.
Spoken like a true traditional martial artist who has not been in an MMA ring or trained in BJJ. :rolleyes: I have over 17 yrs of training in fighting arts. The majority in one traditional martial art. I was fed the BS line of "Don't ever go to the ground" and "We will knock em out before it gets to the ground" for years. I actually believed it for a while. Then I actually stepped foot into the octagon. Have you ever tried to knock someone out? It's not as easy as it seems. Even with years of practice and experience under your belt it's not easy.

If a person jumps on me, that would be great to me. Of course I would prefer to stay standing.....The majority of my training is in stand up arts like karate and boxing. (14 years of karate, 4 time state champion with the Florida League of Martial Artists and 2 years of Golden Gloves boxing) So I've got a bit of experience in stand up fighting. I learned the hard way that if you get taken down, you better have something there too.

I weigh in at 155 when I'm at fight weight, and 165-170 lbs walking weight. I will admit that if a person out weighs me by 100 lbs, it will be much more difficult to pull off a submission. However, I just grappled a guy about 3 weeks ago who was 240 lbs. I submitted him within 2 minutes....Three times. The first was by guillotine choke, the second by triangle choke, and the third was by ankle lock. He was larger, and stronger than me, yet had far less training than me. Therefore, I easily submitted him.

As for multipul attackers, thats actually a simple one to handle. I grab the primary agressor (who btw will usually TR?Y to take you to the ground) and pull him on top of me. This makes it easy to "hide" under him therefore when his buddies try to punch or kick at you, they usually hit the attacker. (I've used this on the street, and know it works quite well.) The safest place to be is at the bottom of the dog pile. ;)

As for "gets unprepared people hurt, raped, and killed every day.", this is true...which is why I said to get to class. If you don't, then you will be no better off tomorrow than you are today. Granted, it may take 2 or 3 ?YEARS to get SOMEWHAT proficient in BJJ, and much longer to get "good", if you do nothing, you will get nothing.

I never advise anyone to carry a weapon. Because if they are not prepared to USE said weapon (which requires a certain mindset that not everyone has) then the weapon can and WILL be used against the victim.;)




EDIT- Also, since I know the area better than most of the people on this board, my best advice is this: move as soon as you can to a better area.
 
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TL4ever, I've responded privately to you - hijacking threads is rude, and I don't want to be that guy :)

Ray - Krav Maga is both beautiful in it's simplcity, and absolutely brutal. Can't say anything bad about it. It works. End of story. It's not traditional, it's practical and teaches you to do whatever's neccessary. Brilliant way to teach.
 
That is scary! I'd be buying a pistol and taking shooting classes. You don't need a permit to have one in your home in most places. (though i'd check out the laws just to make sure) Conceal carry classes will give you a good run down of the laws in your state. Hubby and I took a conceal carry class once upon a time and used to go shooting regularly. I'd actually like to get back into that. Especially since my older two boys are old enough to learn to shoot now.
 
Ok simple solution here talk to Pierce county shriffs. Make sure it is documented. I belevie this was said already.
As for my husband he gets heated on martial arts.
I also would go to University Place n check out an apartment complex called Olympic Terrace. We use to manage there it is safe.
 
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