Redpepper's journey

Mono was such a big help last night. He safety pinned sequined ribbon onto my panties, such a hard job. :p I got so much done on my routine and outfit for the burlesque show. I'm a bit concerned because there has not been a firm date set and it seems there are only two of us! Ahhhh... all this work for it not to happen would be a shame. I'm so stressed out as it is!
 
Mono was such a big help last night. He safety pinned sequined ribbon onto my panties, ... such a hard job :p I got so much done on my routine and outfit for the burlesques show. I'm a bit concerned because there has not been a firm date set and it seems there are only two of us! Ahhhh... all this work for it not to happen would be a shame... I'm so stressed out as it is!

If you want to put on a show I can be an audience for you :D
 
:)
People do tend to get lazy and make assumptions and it really is a shame. I think we really miss out on so much by jumping to conclusions and not checking in with each other in life. I have learned from my job that if I don't understand and find myself thinking something is a certain way I become rigid. The way to understand is to be open and ask questions I find. Its hard to do that when you feel threatened and your comfort is threatened but it is so necessary and so helpful in term of having good relationships and finding a place in the world for me.

Wonderful observation RP!
Very relevent to my day. Thank you for sharing this.
 
Sigh... Wishing I were at Lovemore in Seattle. I'm so sick of not having the money to do simple things that bring me joy. It drives me crazy some days. The thing is that on the outside I appear to have as much as other people in my life when it comes to house, car, money to buy good food and some other small items, but that is where the outside look ends. Truth is, we have nothing more to spend on renos (we have had an unfinished bathroom going on six years now), travel, activities, clothing that isn't from a thrift store and on courses, workshops and going out to dinner and movies.

We (PN and I) make MUCH less than a lot of the people that we spend time with, and it really makes me jealous sometimes. It makes me consider what choices I have made for a career. I chose a career that gives me next to no appreciation, no recognition, no money and no value (at least with this government). It's a "heart" job, as they call it. I give A LOT and still am asked to give more! I am asked to donate money to different organizations that help in servicing people with special needs, I am asked to use my vehicle to drive them around because the mileage they give us doesn't even cover gas and we have to look like we DO something with our clients, so I spend my money on gas and upkeep. I am asked to work overtime for no extra money and to put up with the shit we get from our director, social workers and caregivers who see us as the bottom of the ladder, even if it is we that spend most of our clients' waking hours with. We should know them more than anyone, no?

It's been a week from hell. I can't even tell you. It's about to get worse before it gets better and I am really thinking that I need to get out. What am I doing wasting my time and energy on an organization that thinks I'm a pawn for their plans? What to do next? What of my clients? They are the ones I stay for. They are the dears that I love so much. They are thriving because of me and now that they are, they are forced to continue on with less services and less support.

Okay, end of vent.

Mono had a great birthday tonight, if I don't say so myself. :D

Thai food out with my parents. They are really coming around to the fact that we are just as in need of them in our lives as we always have been and that Mono is a good addition to our family. Then back for chocolate Halloween cake with orange pumpkin, white ghost, and black bat sprinkles on top... a couple of Canada maple leafs too?! don't know what happened there. Someone mixed the sprinkles up, I think! :p We had tiger ice cream, as well. :)

We all gave him a carving kit to do hand carvings with, and a canvas roll to put them in. I am hoping that the extra room downstairs can be made into a room for him to carve in, to do crafty, artsy things in. Something to do when we go camping too! I'm very excited for him :D

Mono has been progressing on the suite. One more coat of paint on one bathroom wall and it's done. Next is a light. The sink and tap are in now too. The floor that got wrecked in the flood is coming up next, I believe. He can answer that question really.

I went over my burlesque routine 6 times in my head today and acted it out once. I am very pleased with my progress and have a date to go through it with a more established artist on Monday night. The event is posted and tickets are on sale. 8 artists at a gay bar in town, three of us new. Should be interesting and fun. I hope.

We had a great poly meeting last night. I sat and talked to a guy for a long time that I found very interesting and we have planned to go out for a drink some time. He has had a very interesting life and I am really looking forward to finding out more about him. He couldn't believe that Mono was okay with my talking to him. :D Ha. He's new to poly. It takes a while to realize that there is no ownership and no competition, most of the time. He found it very refreshing and relaxing to be with our group. I'm glad to have helped make our group so welcoming.

I went to a meeting today to be a human book at the university library next week. It was so interesting to hear other people's stories and what kind of "book" they are. We will be made available for two days, where anyone can sign us out and talk to us for awhile on the topic of our lives. I chose to convey my experiences with poly, BDSM and my sexuality. The other stories were: surviving Hurricane Katrina, moving from California to escape the same sex marriage debate, Chinese culture in Canada as seen by a newly immigrated Chinese man, ageism on campus and several other really interesting topics. I'm excited to take them out myself and ask questions and get to know their experiences.
 
I did, in fact, have a great Birthday, Lilo. :) Thanks for the cake and love from everyone!

I know not getting to do things really gets you down. I think when we look at these things, we need to be ok with each of us evaluating if we can do it on our own and then being ok with going to them. I think maybe you could have swung this weekend, but it would have been relatively impossible for me to go, due to the cost of breaking a lease. But I also place priorities in other places. Getting my bike back on the road after my insurance debacle is top of my list LOL!

Thanks again for a great day, Sunshine, :) I love you!
 
I did, in fact, have a great Birthday, Lilo :) Thanks for the cake and love from everyone!

I know not getting to do things really gets you down. I think when we look at these things, we need to be ok with each of us evaluating if we can do it on our own and then being ok with going to them. I think maybe you could have swung this weekend, but it would have been relatively impossible for me to go, due to the cost of breaking a lease. But I also place priorities in other places. Getting my bike back on the road after my insurance debacle is top of my list LOL!

Thanks again for a great day, Sunshine. :) I love you!

Nope. After that surprise water heater I was done for. :)

I actually considered it, but often times I don't feel I can take away from the family because I want to do something. The fact of the matter is that I now have TWO live-in primaries that like to be at home more than out in the world. Either I adjust to that, and don't do anything, because I will feel guilty if I do, or I just go do stuff, spend our money and brush aside my guilty feelings.

PN does not see why I would want to go to a poly conference. He would not be okay with my going and spending our money on things like that, if we could spend it on investments, such as the house. The thing is, we don't spend it on the house, either. He just doesn't see things like the fact that the whole house needs painting, that the lino needs riping up, or that we are spending more than need be on hydro because we still have ancient laundry machines that don't run properly. He just doesn't see it or care to. He cares about how much is in the bank and what is going on in his head that he could write about. That, and stressing about his shit job.

How do you create interest for people? It was the same issue with you moving in, Mono. It's all here, in this very thread, the process of pulling teeth in order to get him to move forward to do something that he doesn't hold value in and costs money. BAH! Drives me crazy.
 
Either I adjust to that, and don't do anything, because I will feel guilty if I do, or just go do stuff, spend our money and brush aside my guilt feelings.

You can't "don't do anything" Lilo. That just isn't you, Love. While PN and I aren't quite as enthusiastic about a lot of stuff as you, we do enjoy doing things with you. I enjoyed going to the mono/poly debate with you, enjoyed the poly-friendly camping trip with you and PN. On the other hand, things like meetings to discuss our poly lives or weekend workshops are lower on the priority list. I think you would like to share more of our lives with others whereas PN and I are less enthusiastic about that. If Doctor Phil wanted us to go on his show, who would want to participate and who wouldn't? I'd say no, but would not hold you back from that experience for yourself, if you wanted it.

We are also very different in how we do relationships with friends. I require almost no contact to maintain fulfillment with people, PN requires a little more and you like a fair bit of actual contact. These differences create our levels of motivation to do things. Hell, I get my fill of socializing at our monthly poly meeting and work. LOL

Finances are tricky, because you and PN are linked, so one's actions do affect the other. I can't comment on that except to say perhaps it's time to pay yourself more. :)
 
RP, with Mono moving in you will now be able to put away that little bit of gas money each week (from going back & forth to OH) & go to LoveMore NEXT year! With gas prices being sky high (nearly $1.10 per litre here) it shouldn't take long to save the money, lol.

Through this whole process, I think you've learned that YOU need to take care of YOU, or you can't take care of anyone else. You need that downtime in order to recharge your batteries so you won't be all atwitter about the smaller stuff, which then means you'll be calmer for the larger stuff.

I wish I were going to LoveMore as well, but with the way things are at work right now, it just isn't feasible. *sigh*
 
Actually, with Mono moving in, we have less money, because we agreed to him paying less rent and hydro than our other tenants because he didn't require such a large space and I now have a room in his suite. It's also been more money to have it empty for a month. Also, the reno supplies and hot water tank have been adding up.

I'm not complaining, so much as wondering and reminding myself that the fact of the matter is, we just do not have money for anything more than everyday life. End of story. I am not in a position to treat my friends to things like British night any more. Actually, I went into debt for that one. I won't be able to feed people when we go camping, or go out to events as much and buy drinks.

We are in a good place with a roof over our heads, and very fortunate, but we just can't do much more. End of story.

Mono, I would not feel okay about dragging you and PN out to things because I want to go! I think we might have to talk about that one. I hadn't realized you were both doing things you don't want to do because I want to! That's a tad concerning, actually.
 
Nothing to talk about, Lilo. :) I don't do anything I don't want to. The party coming up is a :). We're good, Sunshine.
 
Sigh Wishing I were at Lovemore in Seattle. I'm so sick of not having the money to do simple things that bring me joy. It drives me crazy some days. The thing is that on the outside I appear to have as much as other people in my life when it comes to house, car, money to buy good food and some other small items, but that is where the outside look ends. Truth is. we have nothing more to spend on renos (we have had an unfinished bathroom for going on six years now), travel, activities, clothing that isn't from a thrift store and on courses, workshops and going out to dinner and movies.

I know how that feels. I look at my friends and neighbors, and wonder wtf?

An option could be to organize a similar conference on this side of the border, either on your side of the water or mine. :)
 
I'm sitting in the back of my parents' vehicle having just been told, not a half hour ago, by my dad that I am getting fat again. What is that shit?! I gain ten pounds because I'm not running right now because I hurt my knee and he thinks he has the right to tell me I'm fat! I told him that it is never okay for him to mention my weight and asked him to consider his words before talking to me about such things. It's not his business. Not to mention that the way I have learned about my worth to men is from him, in large part. His comments about my weight and how I look have affected me my entire life. He doesn't know that I perseverate on things like that all day.

Gotta go. I am being called on to look something up on the internet.
 
My dad does the same thing and it sucks! You're gorgeous just the way you are. Sounds like you're having a pretty crappy day so far :(

<hugs and kisses>
 
And Mono I would not feel okay about dragging you and PN out to things because I want to go! I think we might have to talk about that one. I hadn't realized you were both doing things you don't want to do because I want to! That's a tad concerning actually.

Just a note about hermits: the biggest hurdle is getting out the front door. It doesn't matter that we know we might have fun once we are there. The thought of going is just not comfortable, kinda like getting out of a warm bed on a cold morning. Of course, there are things that we need to stay away from to keep from bringing everyone else down. Just remember, every time you stay home and cuddle on the couch you are doing what they prefer.

Sounds like you maybe going through a little burnout on your job. Time to take stalk and look for what else might be available to you. There may be something out there just begging for what you have to offer.
 
RP, do you not do things with them that you don't necessarily enjoy doing, simply because THEY enjoy doing them? I seem to remember a date you & PN had, not so long ago, where you went over the finances. Something you despise but PN enjoys.

If it were something either of them truly despised, they would say something.

Doing something you don't enjoy just to see the smile on their faces is worth it, no? I'm sure it's the same when they do something with you. They do it to see the smile.
 
We have had an unfinished bathroom for going on six years now.

I'm glad I'm not the only one with unfinished bathrooms. In fact, I still have holes in almost every room in the house from when my husband and his dad rewired the whole thing. I didn't have the money to hire the drywall repair, and I keep putting it off. It's been 3 years now.

How do you create interest for people? It was the same issue with you moving in. Mono. It's all here in this very thread, the process of pulling teeth in order to get him to move forward to do something that he doesn't hold value in and costs money. BAH! Drives me crazy.

With my husband, something has to actually break, leak, or catch fire before it ever becomes a priority to even look at.

For the washer, my suggestion would be to approach it as trying to avoid a last minute purchase because it decided to bite the dust, like the water heater. Ask him to research which one would be the best energy saver vs the cost, etc. (Make it his idea.) Ask him to start a special savings fund to go toward a new washer in say, 6 mo-1 yr, or so. As you well know with the water heater, having to replace big ticket appliances last minute due to major failure sucks.

I am not in a position to treat my friends to things like British night any more. Actually, I went into debt for that one.

It may not be as elaborate, but assign each guest to bring something specific. BYOB works too.

I won't be able to feed people when we go camping, or go out to events as much and buy drinks.

This has been bothering me all day. Do you normally "treat" all your friends when you go out? I can understand every once in a while, with one special friend, but not on a normal basis. We go out with friends and family and everyone buys their own drinks and meals. We go camping and we either bring our own food, or we split the cost between everyone. It concerns me that you feel the need to always provide meals and drinks for others. (I'm not talking about someone out of a job or struggling financially for some reason.)

I'm sitting in the back of my parents vehicle, having just been told, not a half hour ago, by my dad that I am getting fat again. What is that shit?! I gain ten pounds because I'm not running right now because I hurt my knee and he thinks he has the right to tell me I'm fat! I told him that it is never okay for him to mention my weight and asked him to consider his words before talking to me about such things.

GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
 
Well, I have a lot of friends that are underemployed, have mental health issues, etc. Lots of diversity and poverty. Not that they go hand-in-hand. ;) People arrive at things and don't bring anything. I actually asked for people to bring British alcohol to the party; sherry, lager and lime, cider and black, port. Derby and Mono brought cider and black and Newcastle brown ale. That's it.

I can't afford to have parties, so I will wait to be invited :D No biggy. At least not yet. I tend to get squirrelly if I'm not invited out. That's why I create so many events. I think it becomes expected of me, which is fine, but often costs me money. I don't mind so much, but have felt used a few times. This summer I gave our sleeping bag to someone who lost hers, or didn't have it, or something, and Mono and I froze our asses off. Haha! That was just stupid on my part.
 
When we get together with Possibility's family or other friends, it's always potluck! They're welcome to come without a dish or drink. It just means there won't be as much to share. But we certainly don't go out and buy extra stuff just in case, lol. We keep water, coffee and tea around, but anything else, like soda, alcohol or special drinks, friends have to bring themselves. They can also give us money ahead of time to supply what they are wanting to bring.

There's no reason for you to stop the get-togethers entirely. Just make it clear that you can no longer foot the bill for the entire thing,. Others need to chip in in order to make them happen the way they have been.

Speaking of, I need to get in touch with Breathes and Possibility's wife and husband to check on the date for our next potluck. to make sure no one has any plans for that particular day.
 
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