Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-11-2017, 01:47 PM
smittenkitten77 smittenkitten77 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 6
Default Brand spankin new.. Happy and Overwhelmed

Hello. I haven't felt like such an emotional jackass in years... Not since my last really big breakup. I met and became instantly enamored with a man only a week ago. At the end of our date, he explained to me that he is poly... that he has a wife and a new girlfriend. They each have significant others as well. Each relationship is its own separate entity but everything is openly discussed. I hadn't connected with anyone in as long as I've known like I was connecting with him. I have literally NEVER felt before like I did with him on our first date. It's like he just came along and floated through my walls like they weren't even there. I used to be a swinger (yes we unicorns exist). I'm somewhat familiar with and very supportive of polyamory. Heaven help me... I just dove in headfirst. Not really knowing what to expect. Not knowing how he dates, or really what we were doing. It's been amazing. And scary. It's shown me in just one week where some of my most deeply rooted insecurities are. It's like it was all the things in one week. And that was a lot. I have to give him credit, he's really trying to get me up to speed and being ridiculously patient with me.

My schedule changes this week, so I won't see him as much. However, I saw him nearly every day this past week and it did create jealousy in one of his other relationships. I need to miss him right now. I need to be able to take that step back and make sure we can maintain a growing connection when we can't see each other. I'm new at this... excited and terrified at the same time. I feel more vulnerable than I have in years... Which is not necessarily a bad thing. I've guarded my heart for so long through years of abuse and chaos. I isolated myself for a long time to avoid any more pain. Now it seems I've come out of isolation into something potentially extremely meaningful and healthy. But that doesn't mean it's emotionally easy to deal with. Everything is just so new. I am so ridiculously smitten with him, and also emotionally treading water with someone very balanced and honest and open. I do have fears... especially after starting out very sexually. I have to check my emotions and allow each of us to form an emotional and intellectual bond also. But for now I'm just learning and re-balancing after a week that was all the things... good and bad... It was overwhelming and perfect all at the same time. I'm also feeling anxious and nervous about jealousy issues... given the time we have been spending together. I don't want to be vetoed before we really have a chance to start, yet I am not overly comfortable being in a situation where I could be vetoed! Stop overthinking. I didn't really know how to take someone saying they are feeling jealous. I'll get there.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-11-2017, 03:11 PM
Rockit49 Rockit49 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 243
Default Welcome to the Forum!

Enjoy your NRE! While trying to keep it healthy too.
If he's creating jealousy at home... Sounds like he maybe not giving someone else their allotted time!? But that's his problem. Just remember to try and keep it balanced for you! Especially if there is the " horrendous" , understandable if he has kids, veto... In my theatrical voice that isn't that theatrical.." No... Nooo....ahh".. Lol

Take your time relax.... Don't let "thupid fun nre" undo your "fun as can be starting of New".
Bye

Last edited by Rockit49; 08-11-2017 at 03:22 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-11-2017, 03:18 PM
Al99's Avatar
Al99 Al99 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 492
Default

Hi smittenkitten77 - welcome to the Forum! I've been here several months now and found most folks to be helpful and friendly - with lots of sound advice. There are a lot of experienced poly folks here - I will leave the advice to them.

(Except to say - don't make any major decisions while under the influence.... of NRE. ) Best of luck on your new poly journey! Al
__________________
Dramatis Personae:
Me: Al99, poly, heterosexual male, 50's
Becky: married to Al99, poly, heterosexual female, late 30's
Bouncingbetty: ldr girlfriend to Al99, poly, pansexual female, early 30's
Ben: Becky's medium-ldr bf, heterosexual male, 40's
_________________________________________


My Introductory Post - An Unexpected Introduction to Poly.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-11-2017, 03:26 PM
smittenkitten77 smittenkitten77 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 6
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Al99 View Post
(Except to say - don't make any major decisions while under the influence.... of NRE. ) Best of luck on your new poly journey! Al
Great advice

Yes normal things are fine. He has kids. I have kids. Sometimes there won't be time. But I understand how being new on the scene when he's just a few months into a new relationship with someone else can be unsettling. Definitely feeling NRE big time. I wasn't expecting this at ALL.

Thank you both for your replies!! So looking forward to learning more.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-11-2017, 09:53 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,136
Default

Greetings smittenkitten77,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have entered a relationship that is wonderful and formidable at the same time. Polyamory.com can help, with thoughts and advice. Keep us posted, the forecast says you'll have lots of love and happiness! even if it drives you crazy along the way.

I'm glad you're here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-11-2017, 11:12 PM
smittenkitten77 smittenkitten77 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 6
Default

It's a pleasure to be here and thank you for your kind words!!
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-12-2017, 12:45 AM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,136
Default

__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-14-2017, 12:32 AM
smittenkitten77 smittenkitten77 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 6
Default

So what do you all do when you want to make other friends in the community? I'm realizing I have no one outside of my situation to chat with just for general questions. Certain things I can definitely talk about in the forums... but I have no idea if anyone in my "group of people" are here too and I would not want anyone to get hurt by something I ask.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-14-2017, 08:13 PM
kdt26417's Avatar
kdt26417 kdt26417 is online now
Official Greeter
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 14,136
Default

Anytime someone posts, their username appears in large letters at the top of their post. You can click on their username, and a dropdown menu will appear. The dropdown menu contains the option, "Send a private message to [this person]." Click on that option, and you can chat with the person privately.

If it helps, you can start by messaging me. Any question you want to ask, I'll try to answer, and I'll keep it private.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
__________________
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-14-2017, 09:07 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
Spaminator
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: US
Posts: 2,097
Default

smittenkitten77,

Do you mean make friends with other people on this forum? If so, read as much as you can, post comments when you can, and you can PM those people whose comments and posts resonate with you. (See Kevin's helpful instructions on PMs above!)

Have you asked your group of people what privacy levels they would like? That's a very helpful conversation to have.

If you like, you are welcome to PM me too. (If you click on a username, you can also select 'Find all posts by [username]' to get a sense of what people have written.)

If you mean make friends more broadly, (like in real life! ), I suggest meetup.com. Search for poly, polyamory, alternative communities and see what pops up in your area. It works best for more urban or suburban areas but hopefully there are poly groups around you. If you are kinky, Fetlife.com may also have resources locally and nationally for poly. Poly is not kink or vice versa but there is significant overlap between the two groups.

Good luck!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:00 PM.