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Old 06-15-2017, 04:15 AM
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Default Being Empathic

I've known that I've been an empath for quite some time, but I forget in the chaos of my life. For people who don't know what it is to be an empath, it is when you are very sensitive to other peoples energy to the point where you experience their emotions as your own. So when I get too busy and am around people too much I get super exhausted and retreat back to my home-cave to curl up and heal. I'm learning to balance out my alone time with busy time so I don't wait till I get worn out, but I'm still learning.

I had a big realization recently that I've been getting too close to monogamous people because I've been in three relationships that were with people who were more mono (and who said they were ok with me being more open - for a while) and at first, when we were spending a Lot of our time together and in NRE it was great but then like now I get settled back in my own space and spending more time with myself and I start to feel like Me again. When I'm with these men I think, oh yeah, I could sacrifice myself for them and be mono or do their activities. Then I always end up confused and questioning why I felt like I could do that. It's been quite a back and forth war going on in me for a while now.

When I'm with these men I feel like moving in with them, settling down and dedicating my life to them and I'm convinced now that it is because I have been feeling their desire for me in that way that I was experiencing that.

When I'm on my own I feel more inclined to keep being on my own and I feel like my true state is poly because I enjoy the freedom of being able to be in the moment and accept what comes, but at the same time I want to have more time to myself to write. I use to be the lets move a few people into one place and start a little community! But I find that I really like having my own space and the freedom to be alone or to be with them. I'm just not as dependent on a relationship as I use to be - which I feel is a good thing.

So if you notice that you feel different when you're around people than when you're with yourself, you may be empathic too and you have to be so careful with that. It's caused me quite a bit of distress and identity issues for years. Anyone else notice this happening to you?

I have so much more to talk about, so many experiences I've been having that I have no one to talk to on. I think I'll save them for another topic ;P
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Old 06-15-2017, 06:13 PM
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Hi Cosmo,

I don't know if I am an empath, but I do need quite a bit of time "inside my cave" to recharge my batteries. Also I sometimes get that experience where someone's feelings "rub off" onto me so that I feel those feelings too. Maybe I am a partial empath.

It sounds like the monogamous men you have gone out with have strongly influenced you, even suppressing your poly identity. That's probably a scary feeling when you step back and look at it.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 06-18-2017, 02:35 AM
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I also have something of an empathic streak. I work in the theatre and somatics, so I'm constantly having to tune in to others. Often I find myself mimicking others' physical habits while I am working with them, and I have to take the time to reground myself.

So I can totally see how spending a lot of time with monoamorous individuals could lead one to adopt their thoughts, at least on the surface. We empaths needs to be vigilant in our self care, because it is all too easy to get rolled over.

In all honesty, my empathy is a big part of why I have been drawn to polyamory and, much like you, feel it is my natural state. Being in groups is draining, but that deep connection with another individual is a delicious thing. I seek multiple partners because this is a thing I deeply want to share with others whom I love.

So cheers to you from another empath for taking the steps you need to take for self care. And welcome here! I'm new-ish around these parts, but folks seem pretty friendly.
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Old 06-18-2017, 10:17 PM
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kdt,
It could be that you're an empath if you do feel like other peoples energy is rubbing off onto you. I never thought about people being at different 'levels' of sensitivity, but I notice that my sensitivities have quite a range. It use to only seem like little things because I was so use to spending time on my own as I grew up, as I was without people. I have only have just noticed how deeply it can mess with me, like being able to mess with core beliefs? As you said, that's pretty scary and that's why I feel like I'd do better having my own living space and the freedom to be able to come and go as I need. Sometimes I wonder if that's too selfish but I Need the space and yet I also need to the deep connections - because to me those are the only ones worth making.

I've noticed a common trend (although I don't know if it's the same for all empaths) of being more introverted because of these sensitivities. I can sometimes be more extroverted if I have recharged myself enough but I get drained quite quickly being around lots of people, so I do better one on one or in small groups. Or sometimes I like to be around extroverted people because they help me get out of my shell more by being around them. It can really be complex...

Achimwis,
I took a personality test that told me how introverted I was (which was severely high haha) but it said that I'd be good as a writer or an actress because of my other abilities. I'm currently going to school as a creative writer and loving it! But I think it's that empathic people tend to be more introverted but because of their ability to merge with other energies it makes them great actors. In Shamanism that's actually considered shape-shifting/merging.

I agree with you, to be deeply connected with others is delicious indeed. It saddens me at times that there are not any poly people here where I live that I can connect and talk about things with...I think this is a good start to help me keep my sanity and remember who I am. Thanks for the welcome and thank you both for your posts!
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Old 06-20-2017, 04:47 PM
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Thank you for posting, you make many good points.
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Old 06-22-2017, 01:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CosmoKitty View Post
I agree with you, to be deeply connected with others is delicious indeed. It saddens me at times that there are not any poly people here where I live that I can connect and talk about things with...I think this is a good start to help me keep my sanity and remember who I am.
Well, Kitty, that's one of the reasons that we have this here forum! It isn't quite the same as in-person interaction, but I've found it to be a useful panacea to that feeling of isolation. If youve ever a mind to, please feel free to drop me a line!
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Old 07-08-2017, 02:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Achimwis View Post
Well, Kitty, that's one of the reasons that we have this here forum! It isn't quite the same as in-person interaction, but I've found it to be a useful panacea to that feeling of isolation. If youve ever a mind to, please feel free to drop me a line!
Thank God for the internet? lol. I wouldn't have ever felt connected to anyone growing up without it. That's a little sad...Thank you for your message, sweet of you to offer to talk <3
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Old 10-17-2017, 11:57 AM
HerbeMannABg HerbeMannABg is offline
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Default Being Empathic

That Christ rose from the grave after being dead for three days has been the most healing message I have ever received.
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