Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 01-21-2013, 04:21 PM
loveMTL's Avatar
loveMTL loveMTL is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
Default New to same sex interactions

Hi, I've been seeing a poly man who is married for just over a month now. We are a good match in both personality and sexually. I've met his wife, and I am really attracted to her. I've had plenty of feelings for or been attracted to women in the past, but never felt safe, or that it was acceptable to act on those feelings. She has lots of experience with women, and is not keen on being someone's 'first'. I've sent her an email (don't have her phone #) telling her that I like her and that I would like to go on a date....I'm very nervously waiting for a reply.

I'm wondering if anyone can recommend good literature on bi-gay-pan sexual relationships or dating or if anyone has advice on how to proceed in same sex relations within a poly context?

Reply With Quote
Old 01-21-2013, 05:41 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

I'd be happy to help, but I honestly don't think there are any differences. I'm dating a man and a woman now, and the relationships are different because the people are different, not because one is opposite-sex and one is same-sex. Yes, this will be new for you in some ways, but I also think you'll find that all the same guidelines apply about how to treat people and what to require in terms of how you're treated. People are people.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2013, 01:56 AM
loveMTL's Avatar
loveMTL loveMTL is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3

Thanks for the reply, AnnabelMore. Yes, when you put it like that, it's obvious and I feel a bit silly. I guess it's more a question of me realizing late in life that I want to explore feelings for women that I never felt able to up until now, and wanting some sort of guidance because it's a bit overwhelming.

I've found that hearing about other people's experiences in polyamory has really helped me understand some concepts and formulate my own thoughts and feelings on certain issues, and as a result it has opened me up to feeling comfortable with pursuing my ideal lifestyle. It can be reassuring when you know others can relate to how you're feeling. It would be beneficial to me, I think, to read, or hear about other people who explored their sexuality later in life, as opposed to knowing their preference at an early age. How do you identify (your sexual preference) and how/when did you know it?
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2013, 05:49 AM
NovemberRain's Avatar
NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 712

I was so thrilled to discover, my senior year in high school, that girls were even an OPTION. That's not really late in life, but I had been boy-crazy since about 7 years of age. It was a bit of a surprise.

For me, dating someone new always turns me into an awkward teenager again. That's part of why it's fun.

I 'passed' in the lesbian community for about 10 years (and two girlfriends). I didn't lie if it came up that I was bisexual, but I never brought it up on purpose. I believe there is still some stigma; a lot of lesbians don't want to be bothered. Obviously, that's a different issue for your boyfriend's wife. The woman who was my 'first' was only hot for me because she would be my first. Actually, it was the only one night stand I ever had that is a pleasant enough memory for me. She chased me for weeks. The thing that made it the most different from one night stands with boys was that she called me the next day, to ask how I was doing. I found that to be an incredibly sweet gesture...I felt very cared for, even though we were both very clear it was nothing more than what it was.

I understand that knowing others poly experiences helped you; I would just offer a caution. Sometimes people tell horror stories. Those aren't very helpful to what you need to know. I have, more than once, allowed others stories to cloud my judgment of what I knew was true. Worked up all kinds of fear in myself, even though I had no rationale. And of course, what I knew was true was how it turned out, and I had wasted all that adrenaline for nothing.

I would encourage you to not get to hung up on whether or not there's sex going to happen. See if she has any attraction to you, find out, take plenty of time to find out, if you two have anything to build a relationship on. Then worry about things like first and how.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein

Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)
Reply With Quote
Old 01-22-2013, 11:24 AM
clairegoad's Avatar
clairegoad clairegoad is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Ozona, FL
Posts: 203

A friend loaned me this book--

A Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks. (link to Amazon below)

I was involved in my first relationship with another woman... I kinda fell into it (I was dating her husband, and the three of us....) She was bi- and I started asking a lot of questions. One day she came back from a friend's house with this book...

One of the few books I've ever been loaned that I didn't want to return. I ended up buying my own copy.

Reply With Quote

bisexual female, book recommendations

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:36 PM.